Church, Voting, and the Pulpit

I ran across this article in the Star Tribune today about a preacher from a Community Church from Warrod. He was very clear about which candidate he was endorsing and even preached from his pulpit why the congregation should vote for this particular candidate in the upcoming presidential election. The article itself poses an interesting question: if we start campaigning for candidates from the pulpit should the church and the pastor lose its tax-exempt status? I'd suggest taking a look at some of the comments and checking out the related poll. It's always good to get a read on the world at large.

It is interesting being a rookie pastor and having our first year in the parish also include a(nother) very heated presidential race. I've talked about the election from the pulpit already this year but not to tell people who to vote for. I never even mentioned the candidates by name, I instead talked about the division elections like these (and the ones in 2000 and 2004) can cause in the world, church, and even seminary. I like to think I was not crossing a line there but where exactly is the line?

I remember four years ago at the 2004 election hearing a story about some reporters from a major newspaper who went to a major benefit concert where it was very clear that all the proceeds from the concert were going to the Democratic Presidential fund. They were subsequently fired for this because there were clauses written into their contracts that they were not supposed to show public support for one candidate or another. Though I doubt a congregation would be this harsh on us, are we somewhat under the same type of unwritten contract? We will all eventually choose someone to vote for and go ahead and vote on election Tuesday but do we make our vote public to the church? Should we have bumper sticker or pins or shirts that show our endorsement for a certain candidate? If people in our church ask us who we're voting for do we tell them? But then again, does this mean we hide behind a rock? Does this mean we shouldn't caucus (because then it's very clear which side we're batting for and we could run into congregation members there) or shouldn't go to rallies where we get a chance to hear the candidates in person?

Granted I know for some people it will be more obvious to the congregation where we fall on the political spectrum and certain churches will tend to attract a more conservative or liberal pastor depending on their congregational make-up. But that does not necessarily give us the right to endorse someone or be really blatant about who we're voting for or does it?

I'm not looking for cut and dry solutions here, I'm just curious about other people's take on it. I personally would never endorse a candidate in the pulpit of course (I don't really tell that many people who I vote for anyway) but I will gladly tell people to do their civic duty and get out there and vote.

TRUTH

Alright, I'll be honest. This word can be a bit scary to me. Right now I'm working on my first talk for Alpha and the topic is Christianity: Boring, Untrue, and Irrelevant? so I get to talk about why there are perceptions that Christianity is boring, untrue, and irrelevant (and it's surprisingly easy) and then I get to flip it and talk about why Christianity is actually exciting, true, and relevant. The first and last point are easy for me. After all, with The Source this past year I've been working hard to break these perceptions by using unique types of worship and preaching and music and such. However, the "true" part is another matter altogether.

One thing I've learned about my generation, those right between Gen X and Gen Y (and including both) is that we tend to live in a much more pluralistic world where multiple truths are accepted and declaring one, overarching, and ultimate truth is looked down upon. I mean, how can you really point something as true when we all have our different views of what truth is. What I see and experience as truth in my life might be completely different than yours. I'm reminded of Star Wars, where Obi-Wan Kenobi tells Luke he didn't lie about his father, he still told the truth, from a different point of view. It seems like that point, as ridiculous as it may have sounded back then, more appealing and used more often.

We all experience different truths in our lives. So, how does Christianity, how does God, how does Jesus speak to all of our different experiences of truth? And how in the world can I speak to that in this class as I look to tell people that Christianity is the truth? After all, Jesus declaring "I am the way, the truth, and the life" isn't exactly the most friendly, inclusive quote there is.

And the funny thing is that I do think Christianity is true and that Jesus is the truth which means this shouldn't be this hard. It just means that it's tricky. Truth is a loaded word and I don't want to use it lightly. So, what is truth? Why is Jesus the truth? Why is Christianity true? Ultimately we need to decide for ourselves what we believe is true. I can tell you what I think is true and you have the make the decision yourself, knowing that my notion of truth might be different from yours. My way of experiencing what is true is different than your experience.

Alright, that's enough rambling. Back to writing the lesson plan. If you have any insight, please let me know!

Living an Unexpected Life

Dear readers I apologize for the lack of communication over the past month or so. It has been a whirlwind of activity, change, chance, prayers, and surprises. I find myself living a very different life today than I thought I'd be living at graduation or even a year ago. I never thought I'd still be in the Twin Cities doing ministry, would have a call lined up to a large church in the cities, or be working specifically with small group ministry. It's funny how things can change so quickly.

First of all, I am now living in the southern metro area, the southern suburbs. I spent pretty much my entire MN life living in the northern suburbs which was a great area. And there was always this mentality that the southern suburbs were more afluent and a common term to describe our southern counterparts were "cake-eaters." I'm not quite sure who started this term or how it's used outside of the cities but it's there. It was definitely used as a pejorative term one way or another. I suppose we northern suburbanites prided ourselves in not having all the money and affluence that the southern kids did and still were able to have good schools, good sports programs, good music programs, and a good life without as much money (and the northern suburbs were still very middle class which, considering everything else, could be considered being rich). But, this is the mentality and the system I was used to. And now I find myself as one of those people I made fun of back then, I am now a cake-eater. I now have a very nice apartment in Eden Prairie and it's kinda funny and kinda weird. But, this was where God called and here I am I guess. :)

But, above all, I would never complain. I am so grateful for this opportunity to finally do what it is that God has been calling me to do. Granted, the call is very unexpected in itself. I had always claimed I would be a youth pastor and tacked on young adult pastor in the past couple of years. Instead of doing that, I'm working with small groups, a bit of adult education, and alternative worship. But it's funny, it seems like my past years in ministry through internship, through my experiences with other churches, has really led me to the position and had been truly training me for this. I know I have a ton to learn but I also know through my experiences that I have the qualifications needed to start.

Anyway, a quick rundown of all that's happened:
-Voted on August 6 by the congregation to be called
-Moved to Eden Prairie August 15
-Started new job on August 18
-Ordained and installed on September 7
-Preached my first semon on September 14

I know I have a lot to learn and I look forward to learning and growing and sharing with you readers all these crazy experiences! Thanks again and I promise to be more diligent in my posting!

When It Rains...

It's been quite a week! In the past week this is what's happened:

-Congregational vote at St. Andrew Lutheran Church in Eden Prairie. I went, greeted people, gave a devotional, talked about myself and my call, and then left to await the result of the vote. I got the call 45 minutes later. The verdict: 60-2 to call me as an associate pastor of small group ministry and LiveWire (their alternative/contemporary worship service). I have a call! Needless to say, I was elated and I think I talked about 20 miles a minute for the rest of the night (I went out to eat with my parents and boyfriend after the vote).

-Road trip the Colorado Springs for my boyfriend's cousin's wedding. And somewhere in there someone decided that it would be a good idea to drive through the night. I usually don't sleep well in cars but I found out the tylenol p.m. is my friend. Had a great time at the wedding, got poured on before the service, enjoyed the beautiful mountain views and the beautiful wedding, and had a great time hanging out with my boyfriend's family.

-Got my first speeding ticket! It was in Nebraska literally right after I pulled off of the ramp onto the interstate. I was the follow car and the other car had jetted ahead so I had to try and play catch up. Plus, the lead car insisted on going 85 in a 75 which I was not happy about the in the first place. And of course, it's me that gets pulled over. To top it off, the cop was a prick about it and did a really bad job. Take for example I was driving my friend's car and it was obviously not registered to me. However, he doesn't even ask about the fact that it's not registered to me. Add to that, I go to push the flashers button right when I get pulled over and the button literally falls into the dash. The flashers are going and we have no way to turn it off. Needless to say, this isn't very safe and we tell the police officer what happens. He gives me the ticket, goes back to his car, and then yells at us to start driving over his bullhorn. So, we have no choice but to get on the road with our flashers going. We catch up with the lead car at a shady motel and work on getting the flasher problem fixed. It doesn't happen. However, two of the guys have a friend in Omaha that they were planning on stopping to say hi to anyway who happens to be good with fixing cars so he can take apart the dashboard. Our solution in the meantime = remove the fuse that is connected with the flashers. The good news: the flashers have stopped. The bad news: I can't use the turn signals. The solution? Use hand signals when making a lane change or turn. So, for the next hour I roll down my window every time I want to make a lane change and stick my arm out. Honestly, it was pretty entertaining. The car did get fixed and everyone chipped in for the ticket and people are pretty sure it shouldn't affect my insurance. We shall see...

On the ticket for this week:
-Move into my new office (I have a nameplate already!)
-Move into my new apartment
-Finish up at my job for the past year at the Student Services Office
-Finish TA's a class on Galatians and Philippians
-Finish packing (maybe...)

"I Don't Go to Church"

This is the title of the first sermon series for The Source. Those of us on the launch team were asked to come up with perceived problems with the church. What are people's common critiques of the church? What are your critiques of the church? Why do you think people don't go to church? What is out there that gives the church a bad name? I must say, as a regular churchgoer, I had more fun with this than I should have. Here was my response in a nutshell.

1. I hate it when churches differentiate between who's in church or going to church and those who are not. Whether they label it as churchgoers and non-churchgoers, Christians and "real" Christians (if you really want to make me mad, start using that dichotomy), us and them, there's always that versus quality to it and also a snobby and country club feel to that language. We're so much better people because we go to a church. We're better people because we believe in God and the rest of the people are scum. Somewhere in there we've lost sight of the fact that we're all sinners and fall short (Romans) and that we're still fully sinners (simul iusuts et peccator or we're fully sinner and saint as Christians). Just because we're Christians doesn't make us any better than anyone else or any less suceptible to sin (see various church scandals, some of which I have experienced first hand at my home congregation). And yet, that judgment is still there. Judgment because of apperances. Judgment because of lifestyle choices. Judgment because of social status. Judgment because of jobs, etc. Apparently people just like to ignore verse about judge not lest ye be judged...

2. I hate when people make sacred cows out of things that are not sacred. The first commandment is we shall not have any other gods and the second is we shall not make idols. However, it seems that we have made sacred cows or idols out of things such as worship styles, reading creeds a certain way, using certain liturgies, bulletins, music styles, etc. "It's not real church if we aren't doing _____." It's not real church if we aren't using an organ. It's not Lutheran if we aren't using the Red Book, the LBW, or the ELW (various worship books we've used as a church to help us lead worship at churches). Yes, tradition is important but when tradition starts becoming a bigger deal than God, well, then we have a major problem. And I especially hate it when just because someplace is doing church a bit differently be it because of worship styles, songs, elements of the service, etc. others don't consider it real church. I'm sorry but that's BS! Even the Lutheran Confessions (theological principles that we as Lutheran adhere to) are on our side ("Church is wherever the Word is rightly preached and the sacraments are properly administered").

3. The church also is bad at using people as they are. The church expects people to fit into certain molds. They come up with volunteer positions and then try to find the people and make them fit into the roles rather than first meeting the people and then figuring out what best fits them and how to best use their unique gifts and talents. It's like writing a job description for a very specific and important position for a person you've never met and yet you expect it to fit perfectly. People are diverse and have diverse gifts and the church isn't necessarily good at respecting taht and best utilizing people's gifts.

4. Along with that same vein is the issue of clericalism: the expectation that people in charge whether it's the staff and the pastors especially are supposed to do everything. And the worse thing is, there are a lot of pastors out there who like it that way and encourage this! The pastors believe they're supposed to be doing it all and they have little or not respect for other people's gifts or ideas. The pastors aren't suppose to be the only ones running the church and reaching out into the world. We're all in this together and we all have gifts that can and need to be used.

So, those are some of my complaints and my reasons if I weren't already a churchgoer/pastor-to-be that I wouldn't go to church and/or reasons I find church very frustrating. If you have any more to add or you want to react to something, just make a comment!

Commitment

Last year, while I was pondering job options I got this advice from a friend, teacher, and mentor: "guard your heart." In other words, don't get too attached to the idea of taking a call here in order to make sure you don't get hurt. Don't commit because it might end up breaking your heart.

Not surprisingly, this wasn't hard for me to do. I have always been a bit jittery about commitment whether it's not getting my hopes up with jobs, relationships, and life and general. I don't like to count my chickens before they hatch in other words.

And yet, there is something to be said about taking the plunge, about giving your heart to a cause, a place, or a person. Yes, it is dangerous because you can end up getting hurt in the end if something doesn't go through, if someone doesn't reciprocate, if you're counting on something only to be let down. But at the same time, I always wonder how much we can really go forward while still guarding your heart, while still holding something back.

In order for any relationship whether it be friendship or relationship with a significant other to work, you need some sort of vulnerability. It requires commitment. And I've found the same as I've search for jobs this past year. I lost one potential call because I was guarding my heart. I didn't want to fully commit because there was a chance that I wouldn't get what I ultimately striving for and it cost me. Sure, I had everything to gain by getting placed in NC but I also had everything to lose if I committed to NC and then never got the job. I wasn't ready to put my heart and life on the line and because of that, I didn't get placed there.

Instead, months later I still found myself waiting for something to come and it did in the form of a church in the area. I prayed, negotiated with the synod, and got my name put through as a candidate. And it was scary because it was already May, most of my good friends had calls already (and deservedly so!), and my student loans were going to come due in July. And this time I knew there was no holding back. I put my all into interviewing, into preparing, into researching the congregation, and found a place that I could easily see myself calling home. But with each subsequent round came another chance for me to lose something. Each new round gave them a chance to reject me, turn me down, and spit me out into the world again, back where I started with no job and a lot of stress. And yet, even though I knew that I could get crushed so easily, there was no holding back. Each round I got more attached to the idea of me at this church. Each round I found myself plotting out in detail my first six months in the congregation. Each round I found myself more vulnerable to being so close to the job and also so close to heartbreak. And yet, in spite of all of this I found myself in a new place. I was finally ready to commit.

Yes, it was scary. I warned my friends that if I didn't get this job I would probably be a mess for at least a week. I tried to come up with a Plan B but my heart was never really into it. I prayed, A LOT. I let my guard down truly trusting that God could clean up this mess and mend my heart if it came down to that. Because even though we do not live in a faithful society, I believe in a God that is faithful in spite of everything. Yes, I will take the plunge, I will commit, I will take my guard down because I need to. This world calls for it in order for relationships to form, for there to be friendships, for there to be that true vulnerability that fosters trust but yes, we will and I'm guessing most of us have been let down. But we also have a God who promises to pick up the pieces and put us back together again and make us whole in the truest sense. And we have a God that is fully committed to us, even though we let God down and break God's heart time and time again.

But the great thing with committing is the reward will often outweigh the risks. Friendships are strengthened, relationships are deepened, and people get to know and love you for who you really are. And in my case, as I went CALL OR BUST I finally found the former. On August 6 a church in the Twin Cities metro area will vote to call me as their Pastor of Small Group Ministry and LiveWire (their alternative/contemporary worship service). It's not necessarily written in stone yet but I'm willing to commit before the chickens hatch in this case. And I hope to bring this same vulnerability to the call. I hope to be able to give my heart to this congregation, this position, this ministry, these people, and this amazing call from God. And even if they don't love me back at times (and I'm sure there will be struggles going the other way too), I will still do my best to stay committed because they were willing to take the chance on this pastor wannabe in the first place.

The Death of the Midnight Movie Showing

I love movies. I think this has probably come across in some of my previous blog entries. And because I love movies, I also happen to love midnight showings. Midnight showings happen when a new, big, potential blockbuster is coming out. They have a special showing at 12:01 so we can be guaranteed to be the first people to experience the movie.

Truth be told, midnight showings were a pretty geeky affair. I remember seeing Star Wars Episode III right after my first year of seminary. I went with some friends from church and one of them dressed up in his Jedi Halloween costume and I even attempted to put my hair in the Princess Leia buns (it didn't work, my hair isn't quite thick enough). I remember seeing Star Wars Episode II in college with a bunch of my college buddies. The whole theater started cheering when Yoda walked onto screen during the last big fight scene because we knew exactly what was coming.

The point being midnight showings used to attract a very specific brand of people: geeks. We had a ton invested in whatever movie it was that we were seeing. For movies like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Spider-Man we were deeply invested in the characters, we knew the mythology behind the stories, and this time was sacred. Even though we sometimes know what's coming, it still is fun to watch it unfold as the director and writers have interpreted it. It's fun to see our favorite stories and characters come to life.

However, as I've gone to more and more movie showings lately I've noticed that this is not the case anymore. When I went to Spider-Man 3 last year, people started laughing at the end of the movie during a particularly dramatic death scene. Granted, it wasn't the best scene ever but way to ruin the movie for the people around you. If people hadn't have been laughing, maybe I would have been able to feel some real emotion. Basically, way to ruin the moment for everyone else.

In May after classes had finished I went to see a midnight showing of Prince Caspian in the local theater. I was by myself which was fine. There were a ton of people there which surprised me but I figured I'd roll with it. I was a big fan of the books as it was and the author, CS Lewis, was one of my favorites. During the previews I couldn't help but noticing the two girls and one guy in front me of could not stop laughing and giggling and it was really loud and obnoxious. Granted, it was the preview for Beverly Hills Chihuahua which looks like the worst movie idea ever but still, shut it. Then came one of the most dramatic, intense scenes of the movie where the hero is being tempted by a very real evil and it's really symbolic of our temptations as humans and I think it's pretty deep. All of a sudden, they start laughing and giggling again. For no reason. And they won't stop. Are you effing kidding me? I decide that enough is enough and tap their seats with my foot, hoping it will get their attention. No luck. And they're still laughing. Finally, I just do a full out soccer kick to their chairs. They finally shut up and the scene is over. What?!?!

I can't even begin to tell you how mad I was that these people were ruining the movie for me and for the people around us. Somewhere in here, the midnight movie showing has died. It is no longer the thing that only geeks and movie lovers do. Suddenly, all the cool kids who have no interest in movies but are looking for an excuse to get out of the house late on a Thursday night have started coming to these. And honestly, it has started to truly ruin it for those of us who take our movies really, REALLY seriously. And you know, I think I would be fine with it if these people just didn't talk, laugh, and giggle through the entire movie.

Will I keep going to midnight showings? Most definitely, I can't help myself. But I reserve the right to judge the dedication of the other viewers and give a swift kick to the seat if someone won't stop talking/texting during important parts of the movie.

I <3 Baseball!!!

It's been awhile since I've talked about the MN Twins. Anyway, can I tell you real quick how much I'm loving this season of baseball. Everyone had written off the Twins at the beginning of the season and here we are, keeping up with the big boys and only 2.5 games behind the White Sox. Plus, the D-Rays are killing in the AL East (I love underdog/Cinderella stories).

One of the reasons I love the Twins: they can pull of plays like this!!!!!!!

A Series of Unfortunate (and Humorous) Events

This past Father's Day weekend was a doozy. There's no other way of putting it. I had the wedding of two good friends in Fargo,ND and due to last minute housing plans, I decided to carpool with a friend and drive up and back to Fargo in the same day/night/early morning in order to save some cash because there were no cheap hotel rooms available in Fargo, go figure! It was a great time, the wedding was wonderful, and we made it back safe and sound... at around 4 a.m.

Fast forward to next day. I've gotten maybe 5.5 hours of sleep and have just spent the day with my family celebrating Father's Day and thus am dead tired. I'm finally heading back to my apartment, throw some junk in the back seat, and go to walk to the front seat of the car and realize that I'm stuck. What the... And then I realize that I have managed to slam my finger in the car door and not feel it. I quickly open the door, examine the finger, see that it's bleeding, and try to bend it (and it works so thankfully it's not broken). I figure that it's bleeding well enough that I don't want to drive home quite yet without gauze and some tape and call back up to my parents (they live in a condo), tell them quickly what happened, and request to be let in. I grab my purse, lock the car door, and start walking to the door.

Mind you, the pain of slamming my finger in the car door and leaving it in the uncomfortably position for more than five seconds has not hit yet. I also realize that I've managed to nick both sides of my finger so it's worse than I originally thought. I go and stand by the door and then it all hits at once. I can feel the blood rushing away from my head as a result of this and it's not good! Again, not broken but pretty close so it hurt like a, well, you know. Add in the lack of sleep and some probably dehydration and I start getting woozy and faint really quick. Thankfully there's a wall and I start sliding down the wall in time for my mom to come out and watch me almost pass out. I get my head between my legs, thankfully never lose my consciousness, and keep talking to my mom, who happens to be a nurse which means she's just a step or two under a doctor. And she worked in a hospital for ages so she's seen it all.

My dad gets down there too, the pain is still there but has subsided quite a bit, and I get up to the condo and get my finger under running water. It's cut pretty bad and I start conferring with my mom about whether or not I need stitches. It should be a pretty easy answer for the nurse practitioner but she starts sputtering and can't make up her mind. And then, get this, she tells me she's not feeling well and has to go and lay down, leaving me in the bathroom with my finger by myself. For heaven's sake, my mom is a nurse! So, my little sister who happens to be a nurse in training and my dad who absolutely no medical experience has to start taking care of me while me mom lays down in order to not pass out. Turns out I don't need stitches and I'm prescribed some antibacterial cream, gauze, tape, and then extensive icing.

I'm feeling fine again and get ready to drive home while my mom decides to call it an early night. In her defense, she started a new migraine medication which lowers her blood pressure and nearly watching her daughter faint was enough to drop it significantly.

But yeah, go figure. For the record, the finger is fine now although I'm pretty sure I nicked a nerve making part of the tip of my finger numb which is an odd feeling but I'm getting used to it. My mom informed me that feeling should come back. Until then, I guess I'll just have to be extra careful that I don't slam it in any more doors because this time I really won't be able to feel it.

Ouch!

I'm avoiding writing a sermon right now and came across this video on ESPN.com. I'm pretty sure it's intentional too and agree with Rick Reilly on this. The catcher doesn't even look like he's trying. He goes down while the ball goes up. It's kind of sad that someone would actually do it but kind of funny too.

In case you're wondering what I've done with some of my extra free time this past year. Helping start a new church = fun!

The Myth of Relevancy

Well, I still don't have a job but I did get the chance to preach this past weekend at The Source which is the church start in Stillwater I've been helping out with this week. This is generally what I preached.

I did something this past week that I haven’t done for ages; as in, it’s probably been at least since September. And it’s something I used to do all the time, in fact, I was quite obsessive about it up until about three years ago. I went and bought a CD! The new Weezer CD came out and since it is officially known as the Red Album, I had to go and buy it because I didn’t want it to be any generic, burned CD. I suppose I could have colored it with a red sharpie but that’s beside the point. Think about it, when was the last time you bought a CD as opposed to simply downloading the song or album online? Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails both released their last albums pretty much exclusively online. We never thought we’d see the day come but CDS are starting to become irrelevant. But then again, we’ve seen this happen in the past. How many of you have ever played around with a record? Or the even more elusive eight track? Cassette tapes? And back in the day, when those came out, they were the next big thing! They would never go out of style! They were here to stay. But their relevancy faded and soon they became simple collectors items that we keep around for nostalgia’s sake.

And this example illustrates the problem with relevancy. The Source, this worshipping community, claims to be relevant because Jesus is relevant. However, somewhere in here, relevant has come to mean what is hip, what is cool, what is trendy. And if we claim to be relevant, does this mean than The Source or even Jesus can fade out just like the cassette tape, VHS, and rotary phones? Can Jesus run out of his proverbial 15 minutes of fame?

And beyond that tricky question the issue of relevancy gets more complicated because relevant means more than simply what’s cool, what’s in, and what’s hip. The word relevant goes much deeper than that. As we look at the meaning of relevancy more specifically we realize that its complicated by the fact that what’s relevant to the culture in general and what’s relevant to me is going to be different than what’s relevant to you. Since we’re running with the music theme take a second to think about what genre of music is most relevant to you. What music speaks the most to you and what’s going on in your life? Any alternative music fans? That’s me. How about country? Pop? Hip hop? Classical? R & B? Metal? Contemporary Christian? And you know, there’s no shame in liking different types of music or having different things that speak to you on a personal level. See, the other thing about relevancy is that it speaks to us where we are in our life; it is relevant because whatever it is whether it’s music, movies, television, books, sermons, or anything else meets us where we are and speaks to whatever it is that we’re going through in life. Relevant means meeting us where we are in life or as the dictionary puts it, it is pertinent to the issues at hand. But the tricky part of relevance is, as we illustrated by our differing tastes in music, is that everyone will not necessarily experience life and relevancy in the same way. What’s relevant to me might not be relevant to you and vise versa. What speaks to me in my life right now might not speak with you.

And where does that put us with Jesus? If we each experience life so differently and different things speak to us more than another person how can Jesus be relevant to all of us? How in the world can Jesus be relevant to every individual here and to the larger world, to people who don’t even share the same culture and language with us, much less the same music tastes?

In order to answer this question we need to figure out what it is that we share as humans, as people who are as diverse as can be in every aspect in life.

This past fall I got the chance to work as chaplain at a nearby hospital. This meant visiting people who were in the hospital for various reasons whether it was because they were recovering after surgery or a major accident or sickness. It was intense to say the least and most days, when I walked into a room and introduced myself I had no idea what to expect. At the same time I was going through a rather difficult spot in my life. I had just made a big move across country from a city I had absolutely fallen in love with and had had to say goodbye to a great many people that I loved and now missed greatly. Plus, it was a tough semester at grad school and I could barely keep up with my class load. I also found myself struggling to try and connect with old friends because we had all changed so much. My life was a mess and I wondered what it is that I could offer these people that I was visiting.

Then came one very memorable day. I was the on-call chaplain for that day which meant if there were any emergencies or traumatic events I was the first to respond. And I came into this day really tired. You ever have those days where no matter how much coffee you drink you still can’t wake up? Yeah, it was one of those days. And of course, this was the day where everything hit the fan. Not even two hours into my shift I was paged to visit with a woman who had been pregnant with twins and had lost one of her babies in utero. For no good reason, the baby’s heart had just stopped beating for no good reason and, as you can imagine, it was heartbreaking for the couple. I visited a person who was suffering from exhaustion and depression and recovering from substance abuse and she broke down into tears in the middle of the visit. I visited people who had had no one come and visit them and were desperately looking for someone to talk to and to listen. I visited people who were in very acute physical, emotional, and mental pain. And I so wanted to be that person that told them that everything was going to alright, that everything was going to work out and that life was going to get better but on that day I just didn’t know. As much as I wanted to I just couldn’t do it. And in those moments on that day as I found myself in over my head in my job and in my life that I saw that common ground that we all share as humans. We all share in pain and uncertainty; we all have doubts and fears. With this realization I wondered how in the world I could be relevant to these people that I was visiting, people who were experiencing very real pain, doubt, and fear. And how could Jesus be relevant to these people and to me who was also experiencing pain, fear, and doubt and who are neck deep in the muck that this life can throw at us? How can Jesus be relevant when we’re brought to our knees by everything we’re facing in our lives?

The answer is simple, really. Jesus is relevant because he’s been there, he’s walked in our shoes, he’s shared in our pain and our uncertainty. In Philippians chapter 2 it is written that “Christ, being in the very nature of God, did not consider equality something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness! And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!” Jesus is relevant because even though he was God, he was also human. He experienced everything that we do as humans. Through Jesus, God met us in the very messy human world as one of us, he met us in a world that was and is still full of pain, suffering, doubt, and fear.

The night before his death on a cross Jesus had one of those moments that I’m sure we call all relate to. He went up to the Mount of Olives, a hill in Jerusalem in order to pray. And his prayer is one that I know I have prayed before. He prays, “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet, I want your will to be done.” Jesus knew what was ahead of him. He knew his closest friends, those he had called as his followers and those he loved were going to turn him over to his death, were going to betray him, were going to deny that they knew him, and were going to desert him. He knew that he was going to experience pain of the worst kind, not only physical pain of the cross but the pain of seeing those who had followed him and supported him suddenly do an about face, turn on him, and demand his death. Jesus is relevant because he’s been there, he’s experienced the same pain that we face now first hand whether it’s been facing the betrayal of a close friend or significant other, the pain of mortality, the pain of facing a less than ideal or uncertain future, or the pain of living in a less than ideal world where injustice runs rampant and people seem more concerned with getting ahead than loving their neighbors. As the Phillipians passage notes, Jesus has truly walked in our shoes, Jesus is relevant because he came to earth as one of us and experienced life as one of us. He shared in the thing that connects us all as humans, he shared in the pain.

But perhaps what makes Jesus even more relevant is that while he shared in the pain of being human, he came to earth to do something about it. “Jesus humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!” Through that death, through truly sharing in what it means to be human, and then through rising from the dead Jesus was able to assure that our pain would not last forever. Through Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection we live assured that this life that is so easily defined by pain and the trials we face will not be the end all. In the end we are told that “God will wipe every tear from our eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

But until that day comes we still live in this world and face the pain. However, we do not walk through this life alone. God promises to walk through this life with us. Jesus tells us in Matthew 28:20, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Jesus promises to be with us, to the very end of the age. Jesus promises to be with us no matter what, in the easy times and the hard times, through the triumphs and tragedies. And that’s also what makes God relevant. Relevant means meeting us where we are and God did that through Jesus then and God continues to meet us today in the midst of everything going on in our lives. God continues to walk with us in this life as we face all the pain that this world inflicts on us.

Truth be told, if I had the choice and the money, I wouldn’t be here today. I got word earlier this week that the dad of one of my good friends from Charlotte, NC had just passed away after a long battle with cancer and the funeral was yesterday in Atlanta. As I talked to my friend on early Monday morning I listened to her recount her father’s turn for the worse; how they had put him on hospice, how she had held his hand while he was in pain, how he couldn’t speak near the end, how she had watched him take his last breath and I wondered how in the world I could say something that was even close to relevant to her situation. Even though she said she had made much of her peace I could still sense the pain over the phone. How could I be relevant in that situation?

Because here’s the deal, as a community the Source will seek to be relevant and current with our messages and music. Like Jesus before us, The Source will try to be relevant by using illustrations and stories and messages and music that speak to the times. But we will seek to be relevant in other ways; we will seek to be relevant like Jesus was relevant, by meeting each other where we are in this life, in the midst of all the pain, suffering, uncertainty, fear, and doubt.

As I continued talking with Anderea I realized the only thing I could do was listen, was to assure her that I would pray for her, and that even though I was 1200 miles away, I would still walk with her in the midst of everything. I was relevant because I was willing to meet her where she was even though I didn’t even have close to the perfect words. I was relevant because I was willing to walk with her in the pain, even though I admittedly couldn’t fully understand what all of this felt like for her. And that’s what we seek to do here. Sure, we won’t know exactly what you’re going through, but we can be there with you, we can walk with you because we have all experienced pain of our own. We may not have the perfect words but we’re willing to listen and try to understand. You see sometimes being relevant is not about being trendy or wearing the hip clothes or listening to the right music; instead being relevant is about meeting each other wherever we are in this messy world that we all live in. Being relevant is being willing to truly listen to whatever it may be that’s going on in each other’s lives. Being relevant is being not afraid to meet each other in whatever pain we’re facing. And being relevant is reminding each other of the love of a God who loved us enough to walk a mile in our shoes.

Graduation - The End of an Era and the Beginning of the Unknown

So, Sunday, May 25 I walked across the "stage" at Central Lutheran in Minneapolis and was handed my Masters of Divinity diploma by the seminary president and received my hood. It's official! I'm finished with seminary! I'm a seminary graduate! Whoa!

It was a crazy but wonderful weekend! I found myself in the company of good friends throughout the weekend at Senior Night at Centennial Lakes in Edina, polkaing with friends at Gasthofs, worshipping the night before commencement, cheering on our fellow classmate at the St. Paul Saints game, and eating at community BBQ.

Of course, the main event was on Sunday as my classmates and I gathered together in our black polyester gowns and got ready to end what has been an equally wonderful and frustrating journey at times. This is one of those times when pretty much everyone is happy to be there and the company was fantastic. Most of us were a bit giddy and the females even let out a large cheer when we found out that our graduating MDiv class had more females than males in it. We processed in and found a seats. I had the luck of sitting next to two people I knew fairly well, including the first new friend I had made at seminary. It was a great service, there was no doubt about it and the professor the students had elected to speak brought it home.

However, the service provided an extra emotional wallop for us in the form of our class speaker. I've written a bit before about one of our classmates who was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of leukemia earlier in the year. He's had quite the fight of it and had a bone marrow transplant this spring. It's been amazing to see the seminary rally around this through prayer, encouragement, special services, and visits. And this Sunday, even though rumor had it that he was too weak to make graduation, the Academic Dean paused before announcing the name and said that applause would be welcome for this student. As he called out Scott's name everyone leapt to their feet with applause. Here in front of us was proof that God does answer prayers, that community can make a difference, and that God was very much alive and real. It was extremely powerful and moving. Then, after all the graduates had been present with their diplomas he delivered his address. It was short and sweet and lifted up the importance of this God-given community.

There is so much that my past four years have been about here at Luther and on my internship in Charlotte. It has been about learning and growing. It's been about failing and then learning to start over again in spite of everything. It's been about questioning everything and learning that not having the answers is okay. It's been about growing in my faith and understanding what it is that I'm called to. It's been about learning about God and realizing that I can never understand it all. But, it's also been about learning what it means to be the church with these friends, future colleagues, classmates, teachers, students, and family. Because being the church means being a community. And being a community can be hard sometimes whether it's because we're run down, we're facing various life crises, we're scared of being intimate, we're forced into competition with each other, or we're facing the pain of death and losing an important member of the community. But there is so much joy and support to be found in this community. Often, God will use this community to lift up an individual in whatever life situation they find themselves facing.

These past four years this is what many of us have experienced with each other and we've weaved our way through classes, papers, exams, marriages, babies, breakups, death, health issues, internships, moves, frustrations with the church, jobs falling through, big questions about our futures, and everything in between. And I know that I couldn't have made it this far without my classmates, with those I have shared both tears of joy and tears of sorrow, when I need prayers or vise versa. Seeing and listening to Scott's wise words reminded me of all of these things and reminded me of the many things beyond simply a degree that I was praising God for on that day.

It's been one heckuva journey, there's no way around it. If I had the choice to do it all over again knowing what I do now, would I? In a heartbeat!

Here are some fun graduation pics. Notice the fun, colorful hoods signifying the Masters degree. It's been a great ride. Thanks to all of your for your prayers and support. I truly mean it when I say I couldn't have done this without you!!!!


Kris, me, Becca, and Emily. Kris and I graduated with MDiv degrees and Becca and Emily graduated with MA degrees (Masters of Arts).


Derek, me, and Noah. Derek was the first new friend I made at seminary and Noah and I pretty much have done everything together since undergrad (we were on an outreach team together our freshman year at Gustavus, worked at Wapo together for three summers, were RA's together in the same freshman dorm, and then went to Luther together. Whew!).

Stacy and I showing off our degrees, proof that we actually made it!

The Beginning of the End

I'm pretty sure I've used this as a blog title before, probably at the very beginning of the year. Right now it's the eve of graduation and I'm stalling before heading out to meet some friends who are also graduating. And yeah, it seems hard to believe that tomorrow I'm walking and receiving my Masters of Divinity and the special academic hood that comes with it. I'm definitely excited, that's to be expected. But it's also a bit weird. I guess I didn't know what to expect when this day finally arrived. This is the first time I'm finishing up a degree with no school in my imminent future (granted I have the feeling someday I'll eventually go on for a Ph. D. *sigh*). But, it's weird. However, I've been determined to not let my lack of a certain future get in the way of celebrating this weekend. One way or another, I like to think a Masters is a pretty decent accomplishment and as scary as the "real world" is, I'm really glad to be done with school and getting on with my future in a church as a pastor. So, my reactions to actual graduation and pictures will be posted later this week. Now, out to continue the celebration!

Done!

So, today I turned in my last paper... for seminary... ever! This means I've officially finished grad school which seems hard to believe! It's been quite the journey and I'm still not sure how I feel about it other than relieved. The knots that were forming in my shoulders (I carry my stress in my upper back) have all started unknotting and I keep of feeling like I should be doing something or reading something.

But after four years of blood, sweat, and tears this ending is still very bittersweet. With the turning in the final paper begins the beginning of the end. Soon I will be saying goodbye to some amazing friends as we all go our separate directions to first calls in churches. It feels great to be done but I will miss having giggling fits in the library over something that really isn't that funny, talking baseball over lunch in the cafeteria, sitting in the designated "senior spot" in chapel even though the services are less than inspiring most of the time, and knowing that my friends are just a phone call and short drive away. Ah, the life of a grown up. Either way, I'm so grateful to be done with school and to be able to leave this place with my sanity. It's been quite a ride and I look forward to walking with my class 1.5 weeks from now. Maybe by then this all will have sunk in...

Finals!

So, this is my last round of finals, possibly forever (unless I decide to someday go back for a Ph. D. or D. Min. which sadly, will probably happen). So, hence the lack of posting lately! It's been quite the ride and I have 2 of my 4 finals done already. Granted, I saved one of the hardest and one of the longest (albeit, I will "enjoy" writing this paper) for last. Whew!

It's funny, I really think the quality of my papers has degraded since I've gotten back this year. My friends and I were joking that we should actually footnote one of our papers with "senioritis" because I think we have all been feeling it. But, everything will get done and I should be walking in 2.5 weeks and finally receiving my Masters after 4 years of blood, sweat, and tears.

One interesting thing about the end of this year is I've found myself being a lot more cynical than normal. Most people would describe me as pretty happy-go-lucky in my normal life but I just haven't been feeling that at the end of this semester. I'm just so ready to be done. And I just don't care anymore. And while some people may view this cynicism as a negative thing it's actually been surprisingly good for me. Because in this cynicism I've found myself asking a lot more challenging questions about the system and about doing ministry in the church. I find that because of my frustration I find myself seeing places where I'd like to see change. And for someone who has spent most of her life following the rules to a "t" it's been good for me to question, challenge, and dream up ways to change things. The main trap that I can fall into now is lapsing into the place where I don't care enough to make the changes. So here's hoping this finals week doesn't suck the life out of me enough to make me not question but also strive to answer and change.

2 papers left...

Hiatus

Hi friends! Just thought I'd let you know that I won't be blogging on this site for the next week or two. I'm prepping to head down to Orlando for a conference on young adult ministry called Leadnow. I'm traveling with a couple of friends from seminary and from the "church start" out in Stillwater called The Source. We will all be blogging on http://leadnowconference.blogspot.com/. Please check this blog out for our thoughts on speakers, ministry, and what God is up to in the lives of 20 and 30 somethings.

The Character of Evil

I'm behind on my movies watching. Really behind. Hence why only now have I finally seen 4 out of the 5 movies nominated for Best Picture. I actually was fortunate enough to catch 3 out of the 5 before the ceremony (Juno, No Country for Old Men, and Atonement) but I finally got around to seeing There Will Be Blood this weekend which I was told would make me think again about my pick of No Country as the best of the lot (and No Country was the one that did eventually take home the Best Picture win). Both were phenomenal movies in my opinion. But I'm not here to necessarily talk about the movies as a whole but to talk about two of the most amazing, fierce, haunting, and disturbing characters I've seen in any movie in a long time. Both movies had two villains for the ages and both actors rightfully took home Oscars for their brilliant performances.

Warning, if you haven't seen the movies and want to and don't want the endings ruined I suggest you stop reading now...

Seriously, don't read on, this is what they call a spoiler alert...

Alright, you've been fairly warned. The two characters portrayed in the films, the bounty hunter Anton Chigurh in No Country For Old Men and the oil tycoon Daniel Plainview in There Will Be Blood are absolutely fascinating. They are both calculating, well spoken, and ruthless at what they do. They show no remorse and in one particularly chilling scene, Anton has a very creepy smile on his face as he chokes an unsuspecting cop to death.

Perhaps the most disturbing part of both movies are the endings. In both movies, things are not wrapped up neatly in a bow and justice has not been served. In both cases, the villains keep going. They aren't killed off, they aren't arrested and brought to justice. The movies both end rather abruptly leaving us wondering what just happened. And let's face it, we want those nice, neat endings. We want justice, we want to know that evil of this magnitude gets what it deserves. But instead we are left knowing that these villains, these evil men keep on living and perhaps go on to wreck more lives.

I think I'm a bit weird because I appreciate these types of endings. Because when it comes down to it, life isn't wrapped up nice and neatly in the end usually. And as scary as it may seem, there is evil out there right now that isn't being brought to justice. Evil exists out there in very real ways. I am reminded of this more than ever now as tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the Virginia Tech shootings something that no one still has an explanation for. And yes, this thought is scary and worrisome. I don't like the thought that there are men like the men portrayed in this two movies or people who will walk into a school, shopping mall, or crowded market and open fire on anyone around them. It's hard knowing that there are ruthless killers out there, people willing to do whatever it takes to get their way, people with no discernible conscience, people who will use others to get their way, people with no fear of the consequences from others or from God.

So, how do we do it? How do we go on knowing that there is great evil out there? I think we keep going because we know that there is a potential for great good in the midst of great evil. I am reminded of the story of the professor who blockaded the door in order to save his students. I am reminded of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German Lutheran Pastor who headed up an assassination plot against Hitler. I am reminded that even though the church has not always put its best face forward in the name of God (see the Crusades) it also has done much good through mission trips, partnering with countries in need, preaching the Gospel through service and love, and welcoming others with open arms. I am reminded that even though we put God on a cross because of our sins, God took that and turned it on its head and used it for the greatest good possible, the forgiveness of our sins. Yes, great evil persists today as these two movies testify. But great good exists as well and it will always overcome this evil through Jesus' death and resurrection.

If Seminary Were a Marathon...

I'd totally be hitting THE WALL right about now.

I remember having that nervous excitement at the beginning of seminary coupled with the question of what the heck have I gotten myself into? It was very much like that at the starting gates of my first (and hopefully not my last) marathon 2.5 years ago. I was excited and scared out of my mind. I had done most of the "training." I had a solid college education, experience volunteering in the church and working at Bible camp, leading groups and worship at college, etc. And yet, I wondered how this prep could really prepare for the long journey that seminary was going to be. Looking back on it, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into in both cases. But I was there and I was in it for the long haul, 26.2 miles in one case and 4 years of grad school in the other.

The first half of my first year I remember feeling like I was at mile marker 1 and wondering how the heck I was going to make it another 25.2 miles. There were hard core marathon runners all around me, people were sprinting ahead of me, and people seemed to have this confident swagger about their run. I on the other hand was tentative, unsure, and scared that I had gotten in way over my head. The excitement wore off and instead I was left with a feeling of dread. Was I really supposed to be doing this? I'm not sure my body was built for this? How in the world can I fit in with all these other people who definitely look like they were made for this? But, at the same time, as all these doubts were running through my head I was well aware that it was just mile 1 and I had plenty more time down the road to figure that out.

I remember hitting my stride around mile 7. The adrenaline had wore off but I had a good pace going and I was feeling really good! The second half of my first year and second year of seminary were like this. I finally was feeling confident enough to speak up in class, I was starting to "get" the assignments. Pieces were falling into place for internship and I was excited about how this might all turn out.

I actually really enjoyed the mid-part of the marathon. When you hit mile 13.1 you have a good idea of how you might finish and as I looked at the clock I was ecstatic. I might actually finish the with a faster time than I had thought. Internship was like this for me. You get a small taste of what the finish might look like and for me, that finish was amazing! Time flew during that year or the next 7 miles. It was a wonderful year and it made me that much more excited to finish up and finally reach my goal.

However, before the finish came mile 20, The Wall, the last year of seminary, where all the endorphins have worn off, where everything has lost its luster, and all you have is yourself to push you that last 6.2 miles to the finish. And to make it worse, right after you hit the wall you have a huge hill to climb. That's how the Twin Cities Marathon was set up. You hit mile marker 20 and then have to go from the lowest elevation of the course to the highest in a very short amount of distance. For me, I hit that hill right when I got back and bit off more than I could chew with CPE and classes. However, the funny thing is I've always negotiated these massive, steep uphill runs easily when it comes to both running and life. I guess I just see the challenge and gladly meet it head on because well, it's easy to see the endpoint in that case and you know it's just a short uphill jaunt and it will soon be finished.

However, where I am now is different than that. It's one of those long, unrelenting, gradual hills that came at mile marker 24 and I'm just so ready to be done. My body and mind are yelling at me to just be done with it already. They can't take any more abuse. They can't exegete passages on words like Paraclete and dissect systematic theology anymore. I feel like I'm being asked to sprint this last 6 some miles of the marathon and I'm just not feeling it.

And yet, the tension is that I'm also so close to that finish. It's that I've got people surrounding me who have been through that same grueling 24 miles and are also close to the finish too. It's that I've had people on the sidelines the entire way. It's that I've spent way too much time and effort even before the race started to quit. It's that my will won't let me give in to my apathy. It's that it's only a measly 2.2 more miles.

Even though I may have walked a lot of my last 6.2 miles in the marathon and am doing a whole heck of a lot of walking this last year of seminary, I'm still going to finish. There's no way I can't at this point. There's no way I won't let myself. And I think when I'm done with my classes on May 14 and have all my course work turned in on May 16, I'll finally be able to see that finish line. And I still remember bursting into joyous tears when I came over the hill on Summit and saw the Capital and the finish. It's going to be a wonderful feeling.

And I know that for us as seniors, we will be finishing up the first of many marathons. But the great thing about finishing a marathon is that you know you can do it and if need be, you can do it again. Mile 24 be damned, I'll see you in 6 weeks mile 26.2!!!!!

Small Spaces

I was asked this week if I was claustrophobic. It's an interesting question to be asked but in the context it made sense. I was getting ready for an MRI on my ankle (yes, I finally went in and am having it checked out after over a year of annoying but minor pain and tightness that just won't go away) and was asked this question. I said "no" without stopping to think. Granted, the MRI didn't even fully cover me since it was only on my ankle and I think I might have fallen asleep in the middle of it today. Goes to prove that I can really sleep through most anything (other than the annoying car alarms that go off frequently near our apartment, ugh!). However, it did remind me of a little story that I never got around to writing about.

This past summer I went on tour with my internship congregation's high school choir. We were hitting up the Northeast part of the country including Philly, NYC, and DC. I somehow also got put in charge of making the video of the tour which included taking footage throughout the entire to capture the good, bad, and ugly moments on the bus, touring, and in the various hotels. I took my job really seriously (because when have I been known to do anything halfway, well, not counting this semester of seminary) and stayed up later in the night in the hotel lobbies in order to rip the footage from the video camera onto my computer. It was tedious and it meant later nights but it was nice to have everything on the computer so I could reuse the tapes.

One night we were staying in a really nice place in DC. It was about 1 a.m. and I had finally finished ripping the stuff onto my computer! Thank goodness! It had been a long day of touring and travel and I had been behind so I had extra stuff above and beyond our marathon day of touring to put on my computer. I was tired and ready for bed. I patiently waiting for the elevator and then punched the "4" button and leaned up against the side of the elevator willing myself to stay away for this short ride. The doors shut and all of sudden the elevator lurched and the "4" was no longer lit nor was the elevator moving. I punched the "4" again. Nothing. I tried "1." Nothing.

Hmmm, another thing they don't teach us at seminary: what to do when you get trapped in an elevator on a youth retreat.

I sighed more annoyed than anything and pushed the call button. "Umm, yes, I stuck in the rightmost elevator. Can you please help?" The assured me they'd had me out of there at no time. Until then I was comforted knowing that there was only one floor underneath me so if the elevator were to fall it wouldn't be too bad.

I took a seat and was reminded of the movie "You've Got Mail" and wished for some good company. Shame it was 1 a.m. otherwise I could call someone and make a good story out of this. There's a fun phone call:
Hi!
Hi Tasha! How are you doing?
Good! Really good other than the fact I'm stuck in an elevator.
(Maybe I should just try that sometime just for fun)

Anyway, within 10 minutes they had gotten me out (the elevator just had to be reset, who knew that elevators needed to be reset) and I elected to take the stairs to my floor.

Moral of the story: Thank goodness I'm not claustrophobic otherwise that would have been miserable.