Spirit and Call

I've had this thing about having emotional vacations lately. I'm not quite sure what that's all about but anyway, I digress.

I'm in Charlotte right now, taking vacation from school and work and am loving it! I've been here for a few days and fly home tomorrow. I worked it so I'd be here both Wednesday and Sunday nights so I could see the youth and have a weekend to catch all my friends. Also, there was the serendipitous timing that this also happened to be the last Sunday for one of the associate pastors at the church. Pastor Jon had been my "supervisor" for part of my internship because he was pastor of family and youth ministry which meant, as the interim high school youth director/intern pastor I also reported to him. It was a great experience. He was caring, laid back, extremely personable, had great advice, and I was able to learn about from him. He had been at the congregation for over five years now and is moving on to a senior pastor call for a church in Dallas. I have no doubt that he will make an amazing senior pastor. So, I got to be present for his last day and his last sermon. And it was fantastic and feel so honored by the fact that I did get to work with him and it's sad to see him go. At the same time, I'm also excited for him to go on to shape the mission and vision for this new church.

I can't help but think about the story of Elisha and Elijah, two prophets in the OT. Elijah was one of the most famous prophets and his successor was Elisha. And Elijah was a big deal! He stood up to a very evil and corrupt king and queen and even to most of Israel who had given up their faith in God/YAHWEH for that of idols and other lower-case "g" gods. Elijah calls Elisha to ministry to be his successor and Elisha is no fool, he knows he has big shoes to fill. When Elijah prepares to go to heaven and Elisha is aware of this, he asks Elijah for twice the share of Elijah's spirit because he knows that he's going to have a tough job ahead of him.

I couldn't help thinking about this story when I thought of Jon. Whoever fills this role as a pastor at this church is going to have some big shoes to fill. And not only that, those of us who are preparing to go into the church, we're following the footsteps of some pretty amazing people who have great spirit, passion, enthusiasm, vision, compassion, faith, courage, and love. I can't help feeling a little bit intimidated as I think about my first call and following all the pastors that have come before me, who have acted as my mentors, who have influenced and encouraged me in my call. And I find myself praying for even half of Jon's spirit as I look to tackle a new call as well.

In the case of Elijah and Elisha, God does answer Elisha's prayer and he goes on to be another powerful and influential prophet. I hope and pray that God answers my prayers and the prayers of my friends as we look to our first calls and as we look to add to the road that has been placed before us by those who have come before us. And I also go forth encouraged because I know that there are other incredible, dedicated, and faithful people out there like Jon doing the work God has called them to do.

Here I was, expecting to have to write a long blog entry justifying my reasons for cheering for the Packers for the first time in my life and instead find myself pleasantly surprised to be able to cheer for a team that I actually like. Whew!

So, for those of you who aren't football fans or sports fans in general, I apologize in advance for this blog post.

The big game was yesterday in sub-zero temperatures. The team that I really wanted to see win, the Colts, were already out of the playoff scenario and ever since the season has picked up, all I've really wanted to see was the Pats lose. Yes, you heard me right, I was willing to cheer for any team just to see the Pats lose, even the Green Bay Packers. Now, this is a huge deal for me because being from MN, I'm a Vikings fan (unfortunately) which means by default, I hate the Packers. It's always been a huge rivalry, especially since the MN and WI are next to each other and you can always find MN fans in WI and WI fans in MN. So, as the shirts say, my favorite teams are the Vikings and whoever is playing against the Packers.

However, the potential Super Bowl between the Pats and the Packers present a conundrum for me. You see, I hate dynasties. It's just not my thing. That's probably why I couldn't get behind either Duke or UNC mens' basketball while I was in NC (also, because I didn't really feel like pissing everyone off by choosing sides but then again, I did cheer for NC State for fun to antagonize my friends). That's why I hate the NY Yankees. That's why I hated the LA Lakers. And that's why I'm not for the Pats. It's always more fun to see the upset, to be be surprised, to cheer for the underdog. And also, I just don't respect the Pats after that whole cheating scandal at the beginning of the season. I'm ready for something new. I'm ready to stop hearing about Tom Brady and start hearing about this younger Manning who has turned into a clutch player or see Favre go out on top because as much as I hate the Packers, I've gotten give respect to the man for playing one heckuva season.

So, last night I cheered for the Giants, not really knowing what to expect, half thinking that I was still going to end up cheering for the Pack for the first time in my life in two weeks. And then came the 47 yard field goal to win the game. It was nuts! And I can't help but get behind the Giants and Eli. I like his brother so why shouldn't I like Eli. And he's played like a real pro the past couple of games and showed that he can indeed be clutch. And wouldn't it be great to shut up all those Patriots fans who are already gloating about their perfect season? You better believe I will be in my red, white, and blue in two weeks cheering all out for the long shot, the underdog, the unexpected contenders with all I've got because well, I've got nothing to lose. Go Giants!

Things I'd Rather Be Doing...

...than writing this stupid ethics paper on advance directives:

-Reading all the crazy theories about the new season of LOST or better yet, re-watching season 3 of LOST on DVD.

-Blogging (wait a minute...)

-Reading my friends blogs

-Working on my Genesis to Revelation Bible Study

-Planning my trip to Orlando for a young adults conference in April which I found out that I will for sure be going to because my grant proposal passed today

-Planning my trip to Charlotte next week

-Obsessing over the upcoming Great Draft where are of us future pastors are assigned to an area of the county (What are the odds that I'm going to end up in Eastern North Dakota? 2-1?)

-Shopping at REI for a new winter hat because it's going to get effing cold this weekend

-Figure out what movies I want to watch this weekend when I'm hiding in my apartment from the cold

-Ironing my button down shirts so I can actually wear them in public while watching 3:10 to Yuma which I have bought but haven't had a chance to watch yet

-Crocheting a blanket with the beautiful new yarn I bought this past weekend

-Talking my friend into procrastinating with me so I can play Rock Band

-Catching up on the episodes of Project Runway I've missed

-Reading The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen

-Playing my guitar so loud that I scare my roommate's cat

Writer's Block

Truth be told, it might not be writer's block, it may just be that I don't really have that much that could be interesting to report. Here are some highlights from the past couple of weeks and some things I'm looking forward to:

-Finished up my Ethics: Medicine and Health Care class minus the final paper. It was a good class other than I was scared to death to be called on half the time. It reminded me of my senior year honors physics class where we had the "popsicle sticks of death" where the teacher would ask a question and draw a popsicle stick with one of our names on it and we would have to figure out the problem on the spot. At least with that you knew either you were right or wrong. With ethics it's always a bit more difficult. I also happen to be a borderline T/F in the Myers Briggs personality test which means that I make decisions using a pretty even combination of my head and heart. In other words, I can compartmentalize stuff when it comes down to making ethical decisions but I usually use both equally and come to my conclusion that way. For our ethics class I didn't have that luxury. Everything had to be carefully plotted out and explainable using logic. So, training myself to think in a completely new way was all sorts of fun. We'll see how this final paper on advance directives goes...

-Depending on how the playoff games go this coming weekend, I might have a long blog on football forthcoming. In other words, I might have to explain why I might be cheering for the Green Bay Packers for the first time in my life... Ugh...

-New season of LOST!!! The theories are already out there and I cannot wait!

-I'm taking an overview of the Bible class for fun (it is my senior year and I've already taken all my classes save one) and tomorrow I'm taking part in a drama on Esther. It's going to be an absolute riot. There's nothing like making a fool of yourself in front of your classmates.

Year in Review

What a year! I could pretty much leave it at that and it would seem right. This past year I have been in over 15 states (NC, MN, NY, NJ, PA, MD, SC, GA, FL, WI, IL, IN, VA, KY, WV, and some others than I know I'm forgetting). I spent the best eight months of my life as the interim youth director/intern pastor/young adults minister/jack of all trades at my internship congregation. I have gotten my butt kicked in a big way by seminary and CPE for the past four months during the semester from hell. I've learned what burnout feels like. I've written a 20 page approval essay, filled out over 12 pages of ordination and assignment forms, and officially been approved. I've toured NYC with a group of 70 high schoolers and then later by myself. I've been grilled on my views of homosexuality in the church by people who were in charge of deciding whether or not I was fit to be a pastor in the church. I've had my car broken into. I've redefined what home means in my life. I've put away my Midwest modesty and told a bishop face-to-face that I happen to be very good at ministry and essentially that he should be very interested in calling me to his synod. I've preached the best and worst sermons of my career as a "pastor." I've found myself surrounded by some of the best friends a person can ask for during this whole crazy period of my life. It's been one crazy year. And this coming year promises to be even crazier.

On the bill for 2008:
-An ethics class starting Thursday that's probably going to kick my butt.
-A trip to Charlotte to visit friends
-Floor tickets to the Foo Fighters in Feb.
-Helping a friend pilot a new worship service for his church
-A potential trip to Orlando with a good friend for a conference on working with young adults
-The "Great Draft" and Assignment where I find out where I will be doing ministry for the next 3 years of my life
-My final semester at seminary
-Preaching at the Chapel at Luther on March 7 (GULP!)
-My graduation
-My little sis' graduation
-Weddings in Fargo, Winona, and Miami
-A first call to who knows where?????

It's going to be a big and definitive year and I can't wait!

A Memorable Christmas

This Christmas was very bittersweet for different reasons this year. First of all, it's probably my last Christmas Eve at home as a "spectator" in a congregation for a long, long time. It's weird but I made sure to enjoy the time with family on Christmas Eve and my time at church at the congregation I've belonged to since I was a baby.

Second, I woke up to a nice surprise on Christmas morning. I had gone to the 11 p.m. candlelight service on Christmas Eve at my home congregation and I had to drive my mom back to St. Louis Park from Anoka which was a haul (40 minute drive) and then I had to drive myself back to St. Paul. All in all, I didn't get to bed till around 2 a.m. on Christmas morning. I woke up the next day, got ready for Christmas Day festivities at my parents place and went out to my car around 10:30 a.m. to drive out. I come to my car on the driver's side and realize there's something wrong. As I look through the window I see that the front passenger side window has been broken and there's glass everywhere and it's really obvious someone has broken into my car. Oh $&%*!

Yeah, not the best Christmas gift ever. The worst part was I had pretty much parked right below my bedroom window and didn't hear a thing all night long. The engine was fine and I could start up my car no problem. But, still, what a pain. Plus, the fact that it's Christmas Day means that I can't do anything. The police aren't going to take the report because they're only doing emergencies. The insurance is the same way. So, my dad comes to pick me up and we use some garbage bags and duct tape to cover up the window, especially since it's due to snow.

The thing is, these weren't exactly the smartest of criminals. I'm guessing it's probably meth or drug addicts of some sort because they were looking for quick money. They emptied my ash tray which probably had about 40 cents worth of change and went through my glove compartment. They also looked through my trunk. The losses on my part:

-40 cents worth of change (and mind you, they missed another obvious compartment in my car that did happen to have about $20 worth of change in it)
-The Christmas cookies from my Grandma
-A small bag with some old smelly soccer gear (granted, I hate having to replace my cleats, I've had them for over five years now)
-Some empty jewel cases for CDs (and yet missed the dozen or so CDs in my car)
-Harry Potter 7 on CD which I have downloaded on my computers and ipod (also, missing two CDs because they were in my CD visor so I don't think they're going to get far with it)

Thank goodness I don't keep anything real valuable in my car. But, it's been a pain trying to replace the glass. And I don't know what it is but I've just heard of a lot of people getting their car broken into lately. And I really do hate having to worry about my car when I park it outside in the lot now. It's one more stressor I simply don't want in my life. But I guess I'll get used to it. I always do. Plus, it could have been a whole lot worse. They didn't touch my engine. I don't keep anything in my car. Also, it wasn't stolen. So, I'll take what I can get and cough up the deductible for the new window.

But seriously, who breaks into someone's car on Christmas Day? That's just lame.

Merry Christmas!!!

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas to y'all! I hope you are having a wonderful day celebrating Jesus' birth with your family and friends. Peace!

Why Blog and Other Random End of the Semester Thoughts

I've been asking myself why I blog the past couple of days. Part of this may have been induced by wanting another way to distract myself while writing my papers. Part of it was also looking back on this past semester and realizing how much time I've spent whining on my blog. Narcissism has apparently been my sin of choice during this past semester on the blog. All of this in the midst of visiting people in the hospital who are going through much rougher times than me and also having this hospital related crisis strike way too close to home with one our seminary classmates. Could I be any more dense? So, I apologize to you dear readers for all my complaining. I like to think that you all read this because many of you care enough about me to suffer through my many complaints about the semester and the system.

But, in the midst of that struggle I keep on blogging because I think it is a great way to keep in touch. It proved to do just that over internship and it helps keep me connected to friends who I cannot catch on a regular basis back in the Cities. Granted, this is no excuse for me to slack on good old fashioned face time but that has unfortunately been rare this past semester.

I also do it because it's a way for me to look back on all that has transpired in life these past few crazy years. I love rereading stories that I forgot about and times where God did something unexpected and amazing. And I guess that's the other reason I blog: it's a great way to witness to all the incredible things God is doing in my life.

Also, the school portion of the semester from hell is finished! I just emailed my final paper for my last class and now all I have to do is show up to the hospital on Thursday. And let me tell you, it feels great! We often talk about burn out in ministry. The funny thing is I did a ton last year on internship and didn't come close to this stress level at all. There was something so energizing and empowering about being in that ministry site. And then there was this semester which is the closest thing to burnout I have ever experienced (the other might be my junior year of college when my personal life and school life went haywire for different reasons but I digress...). I now know what burnout in the ministry feels like. And let me tell you, I never want to feel this again. This semester has served as a cautionary tale and if I ever find myself at this point again, I hope I can find the courage to make a drastic change in my life. I also know that I definitely have no desire to be a chaplain and I applaud those who do this type of ministry for a living. I'll stick to my lock-ins, retreats, camps, and mission trips thank you very much!

Almost There...

I've been asked by a couple of my friends who are just starting out at seminary how I've gone through four years of finals here and am still sane. Part of it is that I can simply handle more stress than the normal person. I think the biology major and classics double major was a huge contributing factor to this high tolerance for enormous loads of classwork and high pressure situations. Part of it is I'm pretty happy-go-lucky so it takes a lot to get me down in the first place. The other factor has been slowly growing since I started seminary but I finally have a name for it. Apathy! Yes, I know, it sounds all negative. But here's the deal: I've spent most of my life really caring way too much about grades, papers, doing really good professional academically solid work. So I think a healthy dose of apathy is my friend at a high pressure time like this. Sure, I want to pass all my classes and get good marks on my papers but I'm approaching my writing more casually and I've also done this so many times that I have simply realized that it will all get done. It always does.

So, I have ~15 pages left to write before Wed. night and then when I walk out of the hospital on Thursday later afternoon, I will be a free woman. And honestly, I can't wait. I want my life back. I want to have time and energy to spend with friends and family. This semester has taken more energy and joy from my life than I'd like to admit. Thank goodness I have been surrounded by great people that have been able to put up with a less joyous and energetic me this semester. So, only 15 pages left! And for those of your who are also suffering through finals, good luck and God bless! You're definitely in my prayers. We're almost there!

Finals Survival 101

My Survival Kit for Finals this Year:

-Clif Bars and Powerbar Powershots
I'm reminded of training for a marathon. I suppose trying to get through these two weeks is going to be somewhat similar but instead of being able to pick a nice, slower, suitable pace for the 26.2 miles, I'm being forced to run it at a sprint...

-Pre-made Chili and other various soups
Earlier in the semester I would make huge pots of chili and freeze the leftovers for later use. Well, thanks to this handy technique I won't have to cook for the rest of the semester but if I get hungry for something different I can always reach for the...

-Velveta Shells and Cheese
One of my favorite comfort foods (Chipotle being the top of that list). It's quick, it's easy, and it's incredibly bad for me. But it tastes so good when it's midnight I have a paper to finish.

-Bright Red Starbucks To-Go Cup/Thermos
Caffeine will be desperately needed and since it feels like January here, warm caffeine is preferred to the usual DC.

-My Check-list
Yes, the borderline J/P of my Myers Brigs personality shifts to the J side during this part of the year. I know exactly what stands between me and freedom.

-I Am Legend
My planned night off this coming weekend will involve hopefully talking other people into venturing to the MN Zoo in Apple Valley that has a kickin' IMAX screen (and if you're reading this and at Luther and want to come, please let me know). Nothing like some zombie-esque things attacking Will Smith to make me get over the finals induced horror in my own life. Bonus: the IMAX showing of I Am Legend will have a 6 minute preview of The Dark Knight, the new Batman flick.

-iPod
Tunes help keep me sane during the long, quiet hours in the library. At the top of my playlist are:
-Time is Running Out by Papa Roach - Great beat, rocking guitars, and with lyrics like "I refuse to surrender," well, it's enough to keep me going for another 3 minutes (the duration of the song).
-Makes Me Wonder by Maroon 5 - Just a fun, pop-y song that I can't get enough of.
-MmmHmm by Relient K - Yes the whole album! With songs that remind me that there is an escape to all the crazyness and that there is life after death and taxes (and finals) and their fun pop/punk stylings with subtle Christian lyrics, I'm all over it.