Approval

We all are looking for approval. Let's face it, no matter how humble or modest we try to be, getting that "good job," A on a paper or test, or that extra pat on the back always feels nice. It let's us know that we are doing something right in our life.

Right now I am in the process of writing the "approval essay" for my ordination process for the Lutheran Church. It's a 20 paper that includes writing a sermon, exegesis (meaning a paper on the text talking about the Greek and historical context, etc. I think, I'm still not quite sure what the word means), and talking about the historical aspects of the topic. The topics for this year: the Trinity.

Let me say, this has been a painful process so far. It's been awhile since I've written a paper like this. I've been used to keeping it simple whether I've been writing on this blog or typing up a sermon. My sermons are usually free from theological jargon and words that show that I've learned something in seminary, yet, mean nothing to the people in the congregation. All of a sudden, I've found myself thrust back into the world of academia. I have to prove that I've learned something, that I know how to write a sermon and exegete a passage (even though I'm not quite sure what I'm doing is right, much less good). And of course, everything hinges on this paper.

It's called the approval essay for a good reason. This is perhaps the most important paper I will ever write. If I get approved, that A, that extra pat on the back and the "good job," it means I'll be ordained as a Lutheran pastor at the end of the year. If I don't get approved, that means I'll have to wait and probably write another one of these torturous papers.

And yet, this past year I've learned there is more to life as a pastor than papers and being able to discuss what the Greek term for "bear, carry" really means. Ministry does involve the head yes, but it also involves the heart and I guess the biggest problem that I see with the approval essay is that there's little room for that part of ministry in the 20 page essay.

But enough of my complaining, it's all a means to an end. Though it's tough being back in academia, there are also joys about writing the paper. It helps this upstanding lifelong student realize that she doesn't need school anymore. It gives my returning friends a common topic to discuss and complain about. It shows me that I've grown from a follower who always kept her head down and followed instructions to someone a bit wiser who is no longer afraid to question authority. And who knows, I might end up with a great sermon series that I can use in the church when this is all done: "Three In What? Making Sense of the Trinity." If I leave the approval essay with just that and my approval, I'd say that's not too shabby.