Choices or Life Getting in the Way of Life

Tonight is one of those nights where I hate the fact that I'm good at cramming a lot into one day. Tonight I was supposed to go and see the band The Daredevil Christopher Wright which happens to be composed of some old camp friends who are amazingly talented musicians. But alas, earlier this week I locked in my faculty approval interview for Friday at 3:15. I know you're thinking, 3:15, that's not bad! Go out, have a beer, enjoy some great live music! But of course, I spend all day on Friday before the interview in class. Plus, this is an important interview so it means that I have to get business suited up and look all nice and fresh and professional. Grrr...

So tonight I had to choose between an extra hour and half of sleep and great live music, one of my admitted weaknesses. And well, here I am, not at the show. And it was so hard! These are friends that I haven't seen for over four years! And yet, I had to make the call on my own. As my friend Nick put it when I told him I wasn't coming, it was life getting in the way of life.

It seems like this has been happening more and more as I've gotten older. It seems that as we grow up, our choices impact our life in more profound ways. Instead of simply choosing what to wear in elementary school (considering your parents let you choose...) or what fun electives to take in middle school all of a sudden we were faced with choices that would have bigger ramifications on our future. When we chose classes in high school (honors, AP, IB, etc.) we were not simply choosing for the moment but instead we were thinking about our GPA's and incidentally, our transcript that would influence our future at college. When we started at college, certain majors and career paths needed to be taking certain classes right off the bat. As I've start seminary I've had to make many choices about life. Internship close to home or far away in someplace new? CPE or my chaplaincy during the summer or during the school year? Living on or off campus? What churches do I put down on my internship application form?

And here I am now, facing some of the biggest choices of my life. Where do I want to go after I finish seminary? What locations around the country am I going to put down for my destination for my first three years in ministry? What kind of church and what kind of ministry do I want to go to? And more importantly, how does this work out with my personal life? How does this work out with relationships that important to me, friends and family? How will this place nurture me spiritually, mentally and emotionally? And I know I'm not the only one asking these types of questions right now. Am I on the right career path? Should I go back to school? I just got this great job offer that takes me far from home, what do I do now? These are all huge questions and choices will have to be made that take into account all of these questions.

And truth be told, I'm a bit terrified. How am I supposed to choose in the midst of all of these different things: friends, family, churches, locations, etc. vying for my heart and time? What happens if I make the wrong or a bad choice? Because, I have made my share of bad choices throughout my life, there is no doubt about that. And we all know that all choices have consequences, good and bad. And life has this annoying way of getting in the way of life.

But I can't exactly hide under a rock and avoid making these choices. They're coming one way or another. And all I can do is pray (A LOT) and do the best I can with the choice and hope that I am met with grace on the other side. The funny thing is as I face this all I am reminded of a sermon that I preached not even six months ago. My point was that God is causing everything, all of our good choices and bad choices to work out for the good and work toward our final destination, a full life, an eternal life with our Lord (see the story of Joseph in Genesis). Therefore, we are called to live a life of hope, a life where we can trust that nothing, not even any bad life choices we may make, can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. And here I am, six months later, clinging to these words that I wrote back in March, that I believed fiercely then, and believe even more fiercely and boldly now. Tonight was a small choice among a year of bigger ones yet to come. So, here I go!