Fear

Today is one of those days where I wondered what the heck I was getting myself into.

There is a class that we have to take as seniors returning from internship, Exercises in Biblical Theology. No one really knows what the class is but we all have to take it. But, I have really great professors that I trust to do the money I'm spending on this class justice. So far it's been really practical and all about using what we've learning in our past two years in seminary classes and our year on internship and applying it to what we might be doing in our future parishes.

Now, you've all have probably figured out that I had an amazing year on internship. I was a church that was healthy and passionate and all about growing in faith, spirit, and service. It was a near perfect fit and I absolutely loved it there.

Today we got to hear some stories of some not so perfect fits. We got to hear about some congregations that could easily eat a pastor alive. There were stories of the congregations that claimed they wanted change but when the pastor tried to enact the change they were called to do, members of the congregation would resist with a vengeance. There was lying, false accusations against the pastors, drama, drama, drama, and so much more. Granted, we're all human and all capable of doing awful things to each other, myself included. That is not the point of the story though.

The point is, this scared the crap out of my friends and I. I think we all knew that this was a reality, that there are congregations out there that are full of conflict and that we might eventually be called to one. However, that reality hit us full out tonight. Are we prepared to go to call like those that were described to us in detail? NO! At least, I'm not. I have no idea what to do in a congregation like that.

My fear is not only of being placed in this situation but also what can happen to people in that situation. And you wonder why there is so much burnout in church leadership positions? And yet, thought it scares many of us, it is something that needs to be done. These congregations deserve to have a pastor as much as any other congregation. So, how do we swallow our fear of being eaten alive and face this head on? I'm not quite sure. And honestly, a little bit of fear does us good sometimes. Right now it reminds me that I have a long way to go before I'm a pastor in that type of situation. And I guess if I find myself placed at a call like that all I can do is pray and lean heavily on God, my friends and family, and also hopefully the synod.

But, yeah, what the heck have I gotten myself into? :)