Last and First

Today was my last first day of school for what I hope is a long time. Weird! Yes, I'm officially back. Seminary classes started today. It seems hard to believe. It was three years ago that I was a wide-eyed first year seminary who had no idea what she was getting herself into. Now I'm a seasoned and somewhat jaded veteran who still admits to having a lot to learn.

My friend Meta wrote a post on Senioritis on the official Luther Seminary blog. I can't help but admire her and many of my closest friend's excitement and readiness to be back for another year of seminary. However, I don't quite share 100% with all their sentiments and it's bugging me. Why can't I be as excited as everyone else for another year of school? It's odd. I'm usually the one who is the most upbeat about stuff like this but I can't quite muster up the energy.

Most of it is because I miss Charlotte and Christ Lutheran. It's hard to be back writing papers and back in classroom. Though I do well in school, I long for the practical, I long to get outside of the classroom and out in the church in the greater world. I miss my friends and those who taught me so much over this year. I long to be surrounded by a congregation and not by thousands of books in a library. It's been a hard transition, probably harder than I've let on.

Then I was treated to a wonderful talk at Chapel today by our Seminary President. He talked about the passage in Luke where the disciples ask Jesus to teach them how to pray and how God will give us what we ask for. He then went on to explain that before the disciples asked this question they had been out in the field, that they had been out there driving out demons and preaching to others and now, here they were, asking Jesus how to pray. That even after they had been out in the field, they had come back and still had room for growth.

It was exactly what I needed to hear. I realized that, yeah, I can do ministry but this year is so much more than about me. I'm here not only to grow academically but to grow spiritually as well. It is here that I am surrounded by a wonderful community of friends, colleagues, and professors that I know care about me and how this year goes. They care not only how I grow in knowledge but also in faith. And it is here that I find a support system like no other; all of us who are going through the exact same process, who are taking the same classes, who are often asking the same big questions about God, life, and everything in between. This year I have a wonderful opportunity to grow as a person in this community and I certainly hope not to waste it.

I told a friend after I figured out what this year was going to hold for me that I could now approach this year with purpose that I might not find otherwise. I knew that I was truly called to Luther Seminary for my senior year. I find myself needing to remind myself over and over again, on my first day of my last year of school. This isn't an end but a beginning of what I hope and pray is a great year; a year full of grace, love, purpose, courage, and faith.