If Seminary Were a Marathon...

I'd totally be hitting THE WALL right about now.

I remember having that nervous excitement at the beginning of seminary coupled with the question of what the heck have I gotten myself into? It was very much like that at the starting gates of my first (and hopefully not my last) marathon 2.5 years ago. I was excited and scared out of my mind. I had done most of the "training." I had a solid college education, experience volunteering in the church and working at Bible camp, leading groups and worship at college, etc. And yet, I wondered how this prep could really prepare for the long journey that seminary was going to be. Looking back on it, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into in both cases. But I was there and I was in it for the long haul, 26.2 miles in one case and 4 years of grad school in the other.

The first half of my first year I remember feeling like I was at mile marker 1 and wondering how the heck I was going to make it another 25.2 miles. There were hard core marathon runners all around me, people were sprinting ahead of me, and people seemed to have this confident swagger about their run. I on the other hand was tentative, unsure, and scared that I had gotten in way over my head. The excitement wore off and instead I was left with a feeling of dread. Was I really supposed to be doing this? I'm not sure my body was built for this? How in the world can I fit in with all these other people who definitely look like they were made for this? But, at the same time, as all these doubts were running through my head I was well aware that it was just mile 1 and I had plenty more time down the road to figure that out.

I remember hitting my stride around mile 7. The adrenaline had wore off but I had a good pace going and I was feeling really good! The second half of my first year and second year of seminary were like this. I finally was feeling confident enough to speak up in class, I was starting to "get" the assignments. Pieces were falling into place for internship and I was excited about how this might all turn out.

I actually really enjoyed the mid-part of the marathon. When you hit mile 13.1 you have a good idea of how you might finish and as I looked at the clock I was ecstatic. I might actually finish the with a faster time than I had thought. Internship was like this for me. You get a small taste of what the finish might look like and for me, that finish was amazing! Time flew during that year or the next 7 miles. It was a wonderful year and it made me that much more excited to finish up and finally reach my goal.

However, before the finish came mile 20, The Wall, the last year of seminary, where all the endorphins have worn off, where everything has lost its luster, and all you have is yourself to push you that last 6.2 miles to the finish. And to make it worse, right after you hit the wall you have a huge hill to climb. That's how the Twin Cities Marathon was set up. You hit mile marker 20 and then have to go from the lowest elevation of the course to the highest in a very short amount of distance. For me, I hit that hill right when I got back and bit off more than I could chew with CPE and classes. However, the funny thing is I've always negotiated these massive, steep uphill runs easily when it comes to both running and life. I guess I just see the challenge and gladly meet it head on because well, it's easy to see the endpoint in that case and you know it's just a short uphill jaunt and it will soon be finished.

However, where I am now is different than that. It's one of those long, unrelenting, gradual hills that came at mile marker 24 and I'm just so ready to be done. My body and mind are yelling at me to just be done with it already. They can't take any more abuse. They can't exegete passages on words like Paraclete and dissect systematic theology anymore. I feel like I'm being asked to sprint this last 6 some miles of the marathon and I'm just not feeling it.

And yet, the tension is that I'm also so close to that finish. It's that I've got people surrounding me who have been through that same grueling 24 miles and are also close to the finish too. It's that I've had people on the sidelines the entire way. It's that I've spent way too much time and effort even before the race started to quit. It's that my will won't let me give in to my apathy. It's that it's only a measly 2.2 more miles.

Even though I may have walked a lot of my last 6.2 miles in the marathon and am doing a whole heck of a lot of walking this last year of seminary, I'm still going to finish. There's no way I can't at this point. There's no way I won't let myself. And I think when I'm done with my classes on May 14 and have all my course work turned in on May 16, I'll finally be able to see that finish line. And I still remember bursting into joyous tears when I came over the hill on Summit and saw the Capital and the finish. It's going to be a wonderful feeling.

And I know that for us as seniors, we will be finishing up the first of many marathons. But the great thing about finishing a marathon is that you know you can do it and if need be, you can do it again. Mile 24 be damned, I'll see you in 6 weeks mile 26.2!!!!!