To Move and Be Moved

The things that move me, that evoke an intense emotional response are sometimes surprising. It might be a praise and worship song that comes up on a CD that I've listened to two dozen times already. It might be the touching blog entry the brother of a friend of mine wrote in memory of his friend that just passed away. It might be the small gesture made by someone I barely know at church asking me over for dinner at their home. But what surprises me even more than what moves me, is what I do or say that moves other people.

This past Sunday I found myself preaching the fifth sermon in a sermon series on predestination entitled, "What's God's Will for My Life?" Seems like the perfect question for me to address as I look to my near future and face some big questions about what it is that I'm going to be doing in the next year or so. I thought this sermon was going to be a nasty one to write but was surprised when it came to me fairly quickly.

Underlying my sermon is the understanding that predestination means that God destines us to believe, that we cannot believe without God's intervention. That the saving work is left up to God and not to us. Beyond that, we as Lutherans believe that we have free will in our daily life. Basically, I am the one who decides that I wanted to wear my linen black shirt to work today, I am the one who decides where I go to seminary, I am the one who decides who I marry. God is not pulling all the strings.

So, with that in mind, the main focus of my sermon was that even if we look to all the right places when we go to make a decision about our life (the Bible, common sense, advice from each other), we're still going to some bad decisions. But, God is able to work with all of our decisions, good or bad, for the good. And that nothing, even any bad or disastrous decisions we may make about our lives, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is through Christ Jesus our Lord (to my sem friends: feel free to pick apart the theology :)

Sunday I was ready to go, prayed, and went up and did my best trusting that God would do the rest. And for some reason, this one really hit a nerve with people. I had people telling me I had spoken directly to them and that this was exactly what they needed to hear. Was it the delivery? Was it the stories I used (Joseph from Genesis i.e. amazing technicolor dreamcoat and my own struggle trying find the right internship site)? Was it the Bible passages (Genesis 50 and Romans 8)? I'm not quite sure.

And as much as I would like to think it was me doing the moving, I can't take the credit. God showed up somewhere in a big way in the process of research, writing, practice, and the actual delivery. This was God's show and I was simply doing as I had been directed. Though I may be getting the best performer award I wouldn't be there without the screenwriter who wrote the words for me, the casting director who contacted me about the role, director who had the original vision about what this role could be and made me reach for that level, and the producer who was willing to take a chance on me and who was willing to risk so much of what he had on me.

This isn't my show, it's never about me. And as I work on my preaching and hopefully get better, perhaps that's the most important thing to keep in mind. It's not about me or my words, it's about God and his word, his final word that because of what Jesus did on the cross for us, we are forgiven.

Mute Math Part 2!!!

If had to pick one band to represent my life here in Charlotte as my soundtrack I would have to pick Mute Math, hands down. I was introduced to the band by my friend Jeff early in my tenure here (see blog entry from 10/23). I have now seen them twice in concert here in Charlotte, have gone through three copies of their CD (given away to friends, worn out another), and have constantly had their songs stuck in my head. They have a one-of-a-kind sound and have lyrics with a message that I can really get behind. And tonight I saw them for the second time! Let me tell you that I live for nights like this!

I was even more impressed this time around when I knew they music backwards and forwards. They stayed true to the music, yet improvised enough so we didn't feel like we were just listening to the CD. They also sound incredible live. Oh, and for the record, in the picture above the drummer is duct taping his headphones to his head. And by the end of the show they're usually flung off anyway. Have I mentioned that the lead singer also plays a keytar??? How can they not be great with a keytar?


However, what I was most impressed with today, besides the music, was the people behind the music. I waited afterwards and was given the chance to meet the band face to face and chat and hear some of their stories from the road. They were incredibly humble and appreciative. They might have said thank you more than I did. They were all personable too and I now know way too much about the guitarists' esophagus but hey, it was a great story.

So needless to say, it's been a great night and I'm still awake simply because I'm trying to unwind. As far as concerts go, this would probably fall in my top five (with U2, Coldplay, Smashing Pumpkins, and Weezer).

"Cuz I know there's got to be another level
Somewhere closer to the other side
And I'm feelin' like it's now or never
Can I break the spell of the typical?"

Finding Meaning in the Trivial

I knew it was going to be one of those weeks. And no, I didn't psyche myself out with this. I just knew a lot was going to fall on my plate at once. I had been playing phone tag with the bus companies for over a week trying to arrange transportation for a high school retreat. I was trying to get quotes from places for another summer trip. I'm also preaching this Sunday on the hefty topic "What Is God's Will For My Life?" Whew! Add to that a council meeting on Monday night and musical practice on Tuesday night and all the usual meetings on Monday morning and Tuesday morning and afternoon and Wednesday programming and well, you have one busy, slightly stressed intern pastor/interim youth director.

And yet on Wednesdays, I know I will always find a respite, a break in a hectic week that will give me enough to carry me through Thursday and any possible weekend church activities. I meet up with a group of friends to play trivia at DD Pecker's Wing Shack. The trivia is anything from old and new school TV (we had questions about both Grey's Anatomy and Happy Days tonight) to movies to sports to geography to music to random tidbits of news. We play for both pride and a free round of beer. There are four rounds and each round is ten questions. If there is a tie, there usually is a tie breaker consisting of name that tune (either title or artist). Our team has its specialists (we suffer if one of our TV people isn't there) and generalists (me). And somewhere in there I got designated the official tie breaker representative so if we tie I go up and attempt to guess the song. And our team isn't half bad. We usually can win or tie for a round at least once a week

It's definitely been something to look forward to during the week and tonight was no exception. Even though I was actually in good position (sermon written except for editing, buses booked) I still knew I needed this time to unwind. Plus, we hadn't won a round in a long time. And tonight was perfect! I found time to rest, take my eyes off a computer screen, socialize with people that have no connections to my church, and even attempt to answer some of the questions (What are the three actresses that starred opposite of Mike Myers in the Austin Powers movies?). And we went 10 for 10 the first round. However, the tie breaker song was Hank Williams. Yeah, there was no way I was going to get that. Second round we tied with four other teams and I yet again found myself waiting nervously for the song... Wait, I know this... "SWEET CAROLINE!!!"

I seriously don't know how I was the first person to get the song. I think I was just the loudest. But free beer for the team and my losing streak was snapped at two. It's a good note to end a hectic half a week on. And trivia always seems to be the push that gets me through that last day of the work week. Even though it proves how much useless knowledge I have crammed into my head (What number did Cal Ripken Jr. wear?) it has become my Wednesday night escape. It has shown me how trying to figure out who the drummer of Led Zepplin was can bring together a group of strangers. And I am extremely grateful for the chance to make new friends and do something different.

Now, I just have to make it through Thursday, some major sermon editing and then I have Mute Math Concert Part II to look forward to!

Shout Outs!

I think it's always fun to celebrate accomplishments and I thought today I'd celebrate some fun accomplishments of a couple of friends of mine.

First, my friend Ben got published! Check out his article about Bracketology and Faith. It comes at the perfect time (NCAA basketball tournament anyone) and makes some good points. Enjoy!

My co-worker Stephanie entered a contest to win a dream job at Disney World. It's called the Disney Dream Job and she's auditioning to win the chance to be a Pirate a la Captain Jack Sparrow at the Pirates of the Caribbean Ride at Disney. She had to film herself doing her best pirate impression and show why she deserved the job. And it's pretty darn entertaining and impressive. Check it out and if you feel so moved, cast your vote.

I had a friend from Luther Seminary who is doing her internship in Brainerd, MN come through this week on her way to her mission trip to Guatemala with a group of adults and high schoolers. Her internship project for the year was organizing this trip and it was an honor to be a part of that process. I helped coordinate housing for the participants and rides for their layover in Charlotte on their way to Guatemala. And praise God for friends who will go all out to help a friend or a friend's friend. My two friends Mark and Anderea, gave up their Friday night to help me pick up the travelers from the airport and then got up early to drop them off again on Saturday morning (and we're talking about 7 a.m. early on a Saturday!)!!! Though we may not all be able to give up time to go to a third world country for a week to do mission work I think pitching in in the smallest way can make all the difference and have an impact just the same.

300

Last night I went to see the movie 300. I had been waiting to see this movie for months. First of all, it was based off of graphic novel (i.e. a longer version of a comic book) written by Frank Miller. I love his style and the movie looked like it was going to be true to the original vision. Plus, I love visual eye candy. Second, it was based off of one of my favorite historical events, the Battle of Thermopylae.

I first heard this story when I was a camp counselor five years ago. I was in charge of the high school program and our program ran Friday till Friday with only a 36 hour break (or less in my case). Basically, it was easy to burn out. The four of us that were running the program were tired. It was near the end of the summer. It had been a hard week and the campers had just not been getting it. The program director saw this and took us aside and started going through this story. I found out that 300 Spartans had stood up to an army of hundreds of thousands and had held their own. And though they had lost the battle and their lives, it had made all the difference. And we were told to stand firm against these unsurmountable odds and to keep fighting the good fight. And we did. We finished the summer strong and gave it all we got.

I then learned about it in detail when I took my Greek History class for my Classics major. I learned about the Spartans' fighting style. How their shield was not used to protect them but the person standing next to them. They had the life of the person next to them in their hands. The best compliment a Spartan soldier could be given was that their shield did not falter in battle. They kept their neighbor, their comrade, their friend, safe in battle.

There has always been something about this story for me. Maybe it was that the Spartans stood up and fought and never gave up, even though it was clear that they were going to lose. Maybe it was that Leonidas, the King of Sparta, had been told by the Oracle of Delphi that he would have to choose: his life or the life of his people, and he chose to die so that the Spartans and Greeks could win the war. Maybe it's when I first heard this story and I could see myself as a Spartan as well, but on a different battlefield where the enemy wasn't an army of Persians but instead the majority of the world that tell us that we don't need a God or a Savior. Maybe it's because I'm realizing that the church is fighting an uphill battle against the culture that does not line up with our values as Christians. But, I know that it's not my time or actions that will ultimately win the war. Instead, it's the one I follow. The one who by his sacrifice guarantees our victory. It is my king, Jesus, who made the ultimate sacrifice in order that the war may be won.

Desert Survival 101

I get to do all sorts of crazy things for my work. Overnight laser tag, whitewater rafting, singing in front of 350 people on any given Sunday, and searching for a lost sheep with the pre-schoolers in our sanctuary are a few things that come to mind. This past week we had a staff retreat at a local university. The function of the retreat was to see how we worked in teams to solve a problem and come up with the best possible way to deal with the scenario we were given.

Now, first of all I was excited about this scenario. I've done a decent amount of hiking in the desert and know your survival basics because of all the outdoor education classes I've taken. Granted, I had been camping the desert in January and most of the survival skills I had learned were for cold environments (being from MN, that just made more sense). So, here's a couple things I've learned from this experience.

1. Stay with the plane!!! Wandering off looking for the road = death, even if you walk at night. My idea, send a couple of people searching after a few days of waiting and only have them walk at dusk and dawn. That wasn't a choice and I would have potentially sent someone, probably myself, to their death. Oops!

2. A little cosmetic mirror is the most important item to your survival (WHAT?). Apparently, using a mirror to reflect the sunlight can be seen even on the horizon and is incredibly powerful. Who would have thought a Covergirl compact could save your life in the desert?

3. Don't eat food!!! This completely went against every survival instinct. Granted, I know the whole you can live without air for 3 minutes, without water for 3 days, and without food for 30 days (all approximations) but it still didn't compute. Your body needs precious water to break food down so you end up dehydrating yourself even more if you eat. So, if you have food in the desert, just toss it.

4. Shelter = Good because of the shade it can provide and it helps cool you down. Use whatever you can to help make something to get you out of the direct sunlight.

5. Okay, somehow the great myth has come out that you need to eat salt in order to retain water. Yes, this is true of marathoners who are sweating profusely when they're running but they're also drinking large amounts of water which is flushing their system. There were a great many people convinced that eating salt in this situation was a good idea. Yeah, not so much!!! So don't ingest salt/sodium when you're in the desert.

6. The best thing to do with water is to just divvy it up among the people equally and let them drink it whenever they feel the need to although reminding everyone that this is all we have for the time being.

How did I score? Well, the food killed my score. Add in the fact that I was one of the few more qualified to go out in search of a road and our group decided to send a few people out to look. So, my preference for action would have killed me in the scenario. However, though desert survival is not my calling, I am still well qualified when it comes to survival in the mountains, cold, winter, and northwoods of MN. :)

RIP Joe's Crab Shack

My former employer for my two years at Luther Seminary has officially served its last BBQ Dungeness Crab. *Tear* The craziest part about closing any restaurant is that no one warns the employees that it is shutting down. Basically, people show up for their shifts like normal and the restaurant is simply closed. So, that happened to my friends the other day and no one was guaranteed a job afterwards which is the worse part. Oh well, thanks for the good times Joe's and co!!! I will miss doing the Macarena on chairs, the Tie Dye drinks, hearing "Johnson party of four, it's time to get crazy with your crabs" over the intercom, the crazy customers who either tip us immensely well or stiff us, watching kids puke on the floor (happened twice), and going out for a drink afterwards at TGIFridays.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with all my leftover Joe's T-shirts...

Random Adventures, Good Music, and Reflections

There are certain distinct areas in the Twin Cities that I loved. Uptown was the hip and upcoming area that always seemed to be crawling with MIAC alumni. Washington was within walking distance from the Dome and had a great microbrewery with a ton of outdoor seating. Grand was laid back, great for wandering, and home to the amazing street festival known as Grand Ole Days. Each area had its own unique flavor.

I had never really found an area like that in Charlotte. Granted, I probably hadn't been looking too hard but every place I went, as good as it was, seemed like a similar version of some of the other places I've been or like similar versions of the areas in MN but not quite as good (and yes, I am biased!). But this weekend by chance I finally found an area that really stuck out to me. It's known here as NoDa for North Davidson.

My friend and I were doing coffee in Dilworth on a whim on Friday night and then she suggested I should check out this area. We had nothing else to do so we drove over to a club called The Evening Muse. It's mainly known for its live music and is right near a bunch of fun, eclectic bars and galleries. The main act for the night was Honor By August and they were a great surprise. We both fell in love with the band and bought their CD.

I have always been a fan of live music and therefore the NoDa area suits me well. And one of the main reasons I like seeing bands live is I can hear a bit about what the song means and what their inspiration was in writing the song. Before they played their song Black and White we were told that this song was written right after an incredibly bad break-up that had caused the songwriter a lot of pain. And it was a great song that I think most of us can all empathize with.

This got me to thinking. We all deal with our pain with a different ways. I just happened to be lucky enough that the songwriter happened to be able to translate that pain into a good song. However, some of us don't find such creative outlets to live out our pain. And I'm not just talking about relationship pain. This can be anything from mourning to disappointment to losing something important to you. Some of us deal with pain by bottling it up inside us and acting like everything is alright. Others throw themselves into work and daily tasks with extra fervor. Others lash out at people. Some decide to try something new or take up a new hobby. Everyone has their own different way of coping. And some of these can be very constructive. I have the CD to prove it. And some can be negative and destructive not only tearing up the one feeling the pain but also those around them.

Pain is something we're all going to have to deal with sooner or later. The question becomes how are you going to deal with that pain. Are you going to write music? Are you going to withdraw from the people are simply trying to help you? Are you going to deny, deny, deny?

What do I do with my pain? A little bit of everything. I'm lucky enough to have friends that won't let me bottle it up. I throw myself into my work which happens to be what I love, working with high schoolers and young adults. I blare my music in my iPod headphones or car. I run long distances. And most importantly, I fall to my knees and acknowledge that I can't do this on my own.

The Reviews Are In...

I am halfway through my internship now. And that means mid-year evals. This internship, like any other job, means that there are evaluations to fill out. My supervisor, my internship committee, and I all filled out forms evaluating how I am doing as an intern. And the reviews weren't bad. In fact, they were pretty good. There were three ratings that I could be given, not competent, competent, and exceptional (and there is quite a ridiculous jump from competent to exceptional). My internship committee even surprised me with a couple of exceptional ratings (neither my supervisor nor I felt comfortable rating me as exceptional although we made note that I was above exceptional in several categories).

And you can't help but feel a bit good about yourself after a decent review goes in. It's like getting straight A's on your report card. It bolsters the ego a bit. However, it's important to keep humility on the radar too. Yesterday, I had to preach for our Wednesday Lent service. It's a smaller service and less pressure than our three services on Sunday. However, this doesn't mean that I can slack for this service either. And this week it finally happened. I had serious issues writing this sermon and I'm not really sure why. And I'm not going to chalk it up to a lack of piety either because I definitely did my fair share of praying throughout the entire process. Though I finally did figure something out, I wasn't necessarily happy with it. Or at least it wasn't as good as I thought it should or could be. And I'm a person who likes to do well, who usually excels and fits nicely into the archetypal overachiever category. But I wasn't given a choice. There were no extensions for this. I had to go up and give, in my opinion, my less than great sermon.

It went okay and I simply prayed the entire time for God to go his thing because it was all up to him once I started speaking. Afterwards I was talking with another pastor who didn't get to hear me preach and was talking about how I had difficulty with this one. He reminded me that not every sermon is going to be perfect and go exactly how we want it. I was experiencing something that everyone who preached has felt at some point in time. And I found myself being reminded of the very grace that I preach about every time I get up in front of the congregation in a very real way. Though I'm always going to strive to do my best because the congregation deserves that, but I'm also human and that means every sermon won't necessarily be a out-of-the-park sermon and that's okay. In this job I don't stand on works even though I always try to do what's best. When it comes down to it, if I'm to get anywhere, I need to remember that I stand on grace.