It's been a week. There's no other way to put it. Between a massive pile of homework being dumped on my head, to being called into the hospital on Monday night, to trying to decide between work and play it's been a week full of surprises both pleasant and not so pleasant.
However, in the midst of all of this, I finally learned what ministry of presence means. Ministry of presence is the fancy term we use in pastoral care that means that in a crisis situation your simple presence is enough to minister to the group of people involved with the crisis. You don't have to do anything or say anything really, you being there is simply enough. Your presence ministers to these people.
Now, for those of you who know me well, you know I am a person of action. I'm a do-er. I'm generally in the middle of the action or I'm instigating action. This whole ministry of presence thing is new to me in a way. Sure, I did a little of that at my internship but I was always the back-up person. There were three other pastors above me so I generally didn't work with these types of situations.
But this week I was faced with stories and events that really showed me how meaningful it can be to simple just be there. As I read the story of Job and hear about his three friends who come and sit with Job through his suffering, after he has lost nearly everything and simply be with him. Granted, then they started talking and it all went downhill from there but that initial presence, acknowledging his suffering was a powerful witness and it gave him the space to start talking about what he was going through.
As I continue my work as a chaplain, I find this more and more. I am put in situations where I have no words, where the situation is over my head and I have nothing to say and yet, me being there is enough. It's quite something for this action oriented person to wrap her head around. And yet, it's something I think we've all experienced. When we've had a bad day and a friend doesn't even know what happened but somehow knows to give you a great big hug and doesn't even have to say a word. How simply having a shoulder to cry on can make all the different during a difficult time.
Just be. Just be there. And the grace of God will fill in the rest.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Closing Out the Season
It's official. I went to my last Twins game of the season on Saturday. Four Twins games in the 5 weeks I've been back in MN isn't too bad. However, my record at the Twins games hasn't been so good (o-4, ouch!). However, there was a silver lining to all of this.
Friday's game was a hoot partially because of the company (my roomie Becca and our friend Nick) and partially because the game was actually exciting (despite the fact that we lost). Plus, since Nick has such a loud voice and really likes to shout the entire game, I felt like I could yell a little more than usual because, well, no one could hear me anyway.
Saturday was a last minute decision. I was supposed to spend the day in the library working on a paper and reading for seminary but I got an offer I couldn't refuse. My friend, Corey, had amazing seats. We were five rows up from the dugout on the edge of the home plate end. It was AMAZING!!!
Yeah, that's my view of Tori Hunter without a zoom.
However, the highlight of the game for me was completely unexpected. As I was walking to our section in the Dome with Corey and his parents I was stopped by a young woman who started asking me, "Are you interested..." and I immediately thought, "Great, she's going to try and sell me a credit card." However, she finished, "...in being a part of one of our promotions?"
...What?! Wait a minute? "Sure!" is thankfully what pops out of my mouth! So, I'm told I'm going to have to guess how many air miles it is from the Dome to some other place in the US. Whoa! I get a pass to the press box and am told to show up in the middle of the third. Oh yeah, and this is all going to be on the jumbotron!!!!!
So, I watch the Twins play the first 3 innings and obediently head to the press box. They explain the game to me: they'll give me two cities and I need to guess the air miles within 200 and then I get a prize. Granted, I'll get a prize one way or another. So, deep breath, smile for the camera that is literally right in my face, and here we go...
How many miles are there between the Metrodome and Petco Park in San Diego? I'm quickly doing the math in my head. It's around 950 miles to Charlotte. I think LA is 175% of that which is close to San Diego so...
My guess = 1672
Actual mileage = 1522
Which means I win!!! I won a pink Twins hat!!! Crazyness! And as I went back to down to our amazing seats people actually recognized me and cheered. It was a weird feeling but it was definitely joyous! So, my claim to fame now: I've been on the Metrodome Jumbotron!
Friday's game was a hoot partially because of the company (my roomie Becca and our friend Nick) and partially because the game was actually exciting (despite the fact that we lost). Plus, since Nick has such a loud voice and really likes to shout the entire game, I felt like I could yell a little more than usual because, well, no one could hear me anyway.
Saturday was a last minute decision. I was supposed to spend the day in the library working on a paper and reading for seminary but I got an offer I couldn't refuse. My friend, Corey, had amazing seats. We were five rows up from the dugout on the edge of the home plate end. It was AMAZING!!!
Yeah, that's my view of Tori Hunter without a zoom.
However, the highlight of the game for me was completely unexpected. As I was walking to our section in the Dome with Corey and his parents I was stopped by a young woman who started asking me, "Are you interested..." and I immediately thought, "Great, she's going to try and sell me a credit card." However, she finished, "...in being a part of one of our promotions?"
...What?! Wait a minute? "Sure!" is thankfully what pops out of my mouth! So, I'm told I'm going to have to guess how many air miles it is from the Dome to some other place in the US. Whoa! I get a pass to the press box and am told to show up in the middle of the third. Oh yeah, and this is all going to be on the jumbotron!!!!!
So, I watch the Twins play the first 3 innings and obediently head to the press box. They explain the game to me: they'll give me two cities and I need to guess the air miles within 200 and then I get a prize. Granted, I'll get a prize one way or another. So, deep breath, smile for the camera that is literally right in my face, and here we go...
How many miles are there between the Metrodome and Petco Park in San Diego? I'm quickly doing the math in my head. It's around 950 miles to Charlotte. I think LA is 175% of that which is close to San Diego so...
My guess = 1672
Actual mileage = 1522
Which means I win!!! I won a pink Twins hat!!! Crazyness! And as I went back to down to our amazing seats people actually recognized me and cheered. It was a weird feeling but it was definitely joyous! So, my claim to fame now: I've been on the Metrodome Jumbotron!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Fear
Today is one of those days where I wondered what the heck I was getting myself into.
There is a class that we have to take as seniors returning from internship, Exercises in Biblical Theology. No one really knows what the class is but we all have to take it. But, I have really great professors that I trust to do the money I'm spending on this class justice. So far it's been really practical and all about using what we've learning in our past two years in seminary classes and our year on internship and applying it to what we might be doing in our future parishes.
Now, you've all have probably figured out that I had an amazing year on internship. I was a church that was healthy and passionate and all about growing in faith, spirit, and service. It was a near perfect fit and I absolutely loved it there.
Today we got to hear some stories of some not so perfect fits. We got to hear about some congregations that could easily eat a pastor alive. There were stories of the congregations that claimed they wanted change but when the pastor tried to enact the change they were called to do, members of the congregation would resist with a vengeance. There was lying, false accusations against the pastors, drama, drama, drama, and so much more. Granted, we're all human and all capable of doing awful things to each other, myself included. That is not the point of the story though.
The point is, this scared the crap out of my friends and I. I think we all knew that this was a reality, that there are congregations out there that are full of conflict and that we might eventually be called to one. However, that reality hit us full out tonight. Are we prepared to go to call like those that were described to us in detail? NO! At least, I'm not. I have no idea what to do in a congregation like that.
My fear is not only of being placed in this situation but also what can happen to people in that situation. And you wonder why there is so much burnout in church leadership positions? And yet, thought it scares many of us, it is something that needs to be done. These congregations deserve to have a pastor as much as any other congregation. So, how do we swallow our fear of being eaten alive and face this head on? I'm not quite sure. And honestly, a little bit of fear does us good sometimes. Right now it reminds me that I have a long way to go before I'm a pastor in that type of situation. And I guess if I find myself placed at a call like that all I can do is pray and lean heavily on God, my friends and family, and also hopefully the synod.
But, yeah, what the heck have I gotten myself into? :)
There is a class that we have to take as seniors returning from internship, Exercises in Biblical Theology. No one really knows what the class is but we all have to take it. But, I have really great professors that I trust to do the money I'm spending on this class justice. So far it's been really practical and all about using what we've learning in our past two years in seminary classes and our year on internship and applying it to what we might be doing in our future parishes.
Now, you've all have probably figured out that I had an amazing year on internship. I was a church that was healthy and passionate and all about growing in faith, spirit, and service. It was a near perfect fit and I absolutely loved it there.
Today we got to hear some stories of some not so perfect fits. We got to hear about some congregations that could easily eat a pastor alive. There were stories of the congregations that claimed they wanted change but when the pastor tried to enact the change they were called to do, members of the congregation would resist with a vengeance. There was lying, false accusations against the pastors, drama, drama, drama, and so much more. Granted, we're all human and all capable of doing awful things to each other, myself included. That is not the point of the story though.
The point is, this scared the crap out of my friends and I. I think we all knew that this was a reality, that there are congregations out there that are full of conflict and that we might eventually be called to one. However, that reality hit us full out tonight. Are we prepared to go to call like those that were described to us in detail? NO! At least, I'm not. I have no idea what to do in a congregation like that.
My fear is not only of being placed in this situation but also what can happen to people in that situation. And you wonder why there is so much burnout in church leadership positions? And yet, thought it scares many of us, it is something that needs to be done. These congregations deserve to have a pastor as much as any other congregation. So, how do we swallow our fear of being eaten alive and face this head on? I'm not quite sure. And honestly, a little bit of fear does us good sometimes. Right now it reminds me that I have a long way to go before I'm a pastor in that type of situation. And I guess if I find myself placed at a call like that all I can do is pray and lean heavily on God, my friends and family, and also hopefully the synod.
But, yeah, what the heck have I gotten myself into? :)
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Good Sermons
The other week I went with a couple of friends to the place to see and be seen. It's a hip church service for young adults. It's overpopulated with MIAC graduates (MN private colleges) and young adults from around the Twin Cities. I've been a couple of times and thought I'd check it out again to see what they're doing. It always attracts a huge crowd and people can be seen sitting on the floor and in the aisles. In other words, they must be doing something right.
They had a guest speaker this week, an author of a book. He also fits in the category of young adult (a 20-30 something) and fit the part. We began worship with three songs (only three songs?) and then turned the floor over to the speaker. He was fairly entertaining which was good because he spoke for an HOUR! I tuned in because I was curious where he was going. He talked about defining moments and discerning God's will for our lives which are both topics I had preached on at internship. However, his sermon was littered with stories that had nothing to do with his topic. As soon as I thought I knew where he was going, he completely changed gears. I tried to follow his line of thought but had no real idea where he had been, how he had gotten the amusing story he was talking about now, or how in the heck he was going to wrap all these stories together. Well, in the end he didn't wrap half of his stories together and I was left wondering what in the world had just happened.
I had no idea what the point was. A lot of times people will associate a certain story with the central point. There was no such luck in that department. Granted, his stories were entertaining. It was just frustrating because I was sitting there thinking, alright, this is funny but you're wasting my time with a story that has nothing to do with the point of the sermon and could have easily been cut out.
But though I didn't get it, I talked to people afterwards and they really connected with what he was saying. They didn't know the point either but they were entertained and had gleaned little pieces of wisdom from the story. One of my friends even said that his talk was that extra push she needed to think more seriously about her potential call to ministry in a church. Whoa!
I have no idea what happened there. Somewhere in that mess of a sermon, people were getting something out of it. And I had to take another look at what I considered to be a good sermon? Is it the stories I use? Is it the organization or lack thereof? Is it the scripture? Is it the humor?
Honestly, I don't have a good answer. Do I think he did a good job as a preacher? Eh. Not really. As a Lutheran preacher, I didn't hear a lot about grace. It was all about what I can do for God and for my neighbor. Nothing about how I'm forgiven. And I think that is essential to qualify something as a good sermon. Tell me what God has done for me, not what I can do for God. But, even though that part was missing, somehow what he said spoke to people and where they were at. He met this group of people where they were in their lives. And I think that's the lesson from all of this that I need to keep in mind as I go to preach. Now will I ever preach for an hour and include stories that have nothing to do with the topic and not have a real point. I certainly hope not.
They had a guest speaker this week, an author of a book. He also fits in the category of young adult (a 20-30 something) and fit the part. We began worship with three songs (only three songs?) and then turned the floor over to the speaker. He was fairly entertaining which was good because he spoke for an HOUR! I tuned in because I was curious where he was going. He talked about defining moments and discerning God's will for our lives which are both topics I had preached on at internship. However, his sermon was littered with stories that had nothing to do with his topic. As soon as I thought I knew where he was going, he completely changed gears. I tried to follow his line of thought but had no real idea where he had been, how he had gotten the amusing story he was talking about now, or how in the heck he was going to wrap all these stories together. Well, in the end he didn't wrap half of his stories together and I was left wondering what in the world had just happened.
I had no idea what the point was. A lot of times people will associate a certain story with the central point. There was no such luck in that department. Granted, his stories were entertaining. It was just frustrating because I was sitting there thinking, alright, this is funny but you're wasting my time with a story that has nothing to do with the point of the sermon and could have easily been cut out.
But though I didn't get it, I talked to people afterwards and they really connected with what he was saying. They didn't know the point either but they were entertained and had gleaned little pieces of wisdom from the story. One of my friends even said that his talk was that extra push she needed to think more seriously about her potential call to ministry in a church. Whoa!
I have no idea what happened there. Somewhere in that mess of a sermon, people were getting something out of it. And I had to take another look at what I considered to be a good sermon? Is it the stories I use? Is it the organization or lack thereof? Is it the scripture? Is it the humor?
Honestly, I don't have a good answer. Do I think he did a good job as a preacher? Eh. Not really. As a Lutheran preacher, I didn't hear a lot about grace. It was all about what I can do for God and for my neighbor. Nothing about how I'm forgiven. And I think that is essential to qualify something as a good sermon. Tell me what God has done for me, not what I can do for God. But, even though that part was missing, somehow what he said spoke to people and where they were at. He met this group of people where they were in their lives. And I think that's the lesson from all of this that I need to keep in mind as I go to preach. Now will I ever preach for an hour and include stories that have nothing to do with the topic and not have a real point. I certainly hope not.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Choosing Teams
I faced a huge dilemma this weekend. It was Friday night and I was splitting channel time between the Twins/Tigers game and the BoSox/Yankees game. One of the games was a no-brainer. I was cheering for the Red Sox for a couple of reasons. First of all, it's the Red Sox and I still have some lingering allegiance even after they've broken the curse. Sure, they are kind of the new Yankees but I don't think I could ever hate a team as much as the Yankees. However, my deep hatred for the Yankees, born in my love the underdogs and my MN Twins is what caused this crisis of conscience this weekend.
The Twins are pretty much out of the playoffs. It's been a dismal season and I have yet to go to a winning game since the home opener LAST SEASON! But, they' re still my team, they're still my boys and I still will watch their games on TV or on gameday when I'm in the library. Cleveland is on top of the AL Central with Detroit a few games behind. In the East New York has slowly been whittling away at Boston's mid-season 12 game lead. And, unfortunately, New York has overtaken Detroit in the wildcard race.
This means that the two games on Friday had huge implications for the playoffs, considering the season is over in about two weeks. I'm obviously cheering for the BoSox, that's a given. But with the Twins, it gets complicated. I want the Twins to win because, well, it's the Twins. But I also know that we're playing spoiler to Detroit's playoff hopes right now and if Detroit makes the playoffs, that means that New York probably doesn't. So what do I do? Cheer for the Twins even though it means that Detroit's playoff hopes diminish with a loss? Or do a cheer for the Tigers because let's be honest, the season is pretty much shot? Which wins out, my love for the Twins or my hate of the Yankees?
Well, the love of the Twins won out in this situation, because it's the Twins. Of course, this didn't work out so well in that the Twins blew a rare lead during this series and then the BoSox blew the lead as well and totally lost it in the last part of the game. Basically, it was a really bad night for me and baseball. But, the Twins will always be my time, no matter where I end up living in the long run. Maybe, I'll just move to a NL city and then I can cheer for two teams...
The Twins are pretty much out of the playoffs. It's been a dismal season and I have yet to go to a winning game since the home opener LAST SEASON! But, they' re still my team, they're still my boys and I still will watch their games on TV or on gameday when I'm in the library. Cleveland is on top of the AL Central with Detroit a few games behind. In the East New York has slowly been whittling away at Boston's mid-season 12 game lead. And, unfortunately, New York has overtaken Detroit in the wildcard race.
This means that the two games on Friday had huge implications for the playoffs, considering the season is over in about two weeks. I'm obviously cheering for the BoSox, that's a given. But with the Twins, it gets complicated. I want the Twins to win because, well, it's the Twins. But I also know that we're playing spoiler to Detroit's playoff hopes right now and if Detroit makes the playoffs, that means that New York probably doesn't. So what do I do? Cheer for the Twins even though it means that Detroit's playoff hopes diminish with a loss? Or do a cheer for the Tigers because let's be honest, the season is pretty much shot? Which wins out, my love for the Twins or my hate of the Yankees?
Well, the love of the Twins won out in this situation, because it's the Twins. Of course, this didn't work out so well in that the Twins blew a rare lead during this series and then the BoSox blew the lead as well and totally lost it in the last part of the game. Basically, it was a really bad night for me and baseball. But, the Twins will always be my time, no matter where I end up living in the long run. Maybe, I'll just move to a NL city and then I can cheer for two teams...
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Is it weird that I'm praying now while I'm writing prayers for Chapel tomorrow?
I'm still not quite sure how this happened but somehow I'm assisting worship tomorrow for Chapel. And it's Wednesday, the big day, the one that draws the largest crowd. Now you think, why the heck is she nervous? After all, she spent an entire year leading worship in Charlotte; praying, preaching, confessing, etc. in front of a large congregation. Truth is, I'm not quite sure why I'm nervous. Probably because I've only done this once before and it's been over a year and half. Probably because I know that Chapel full of seminary students, faculty, and staff can be at both times one of the most encouraging and toughest crowds I will ever face. Probably because everything I learned in worship the other year about "proper prayer posture" has all been forgotten by now.
But then again I remember my first official day at Christ Lutheran as the intern. I was even more unfamiliar with the worship format that I am with Luther's (since I pretty much have attended Chapel every Wednesday of my tenure here). And I still was able to get up there and sing and pray and do what was asked of me that day by my supervisor and I did it well.
I think I'm just making a big deal out of nothing. I think assisting tomorrow in Chapel will be a wonderful experience. There's nothing quite like serving your friends communion by name. There's nothing like being a part of a worship service full of passionate, dedicated people.
Plus, I get to wear one of those rockstar mics. :)
I'm still not quite sure how this happened but somehow I'm assisting worship tomorrow for Chapel. And it's Wednesday, the big day, the one that draws the largest crowd. Now you think, why the heck is she nervous? After all, she spent an entire year leading worship in Charlotte; praying, preaching, confessing, etc. in front of a large congregation. Truth is, I'm not quite sure why I'm nervous. Probably because I've only done this once before and it's been over a year and half. Probably because I know that Chapel full of seminary students, faculty, and staff can be at both times one of the most encouraging and toughest crowds I will ever face. Probably because everything I learned in worship the other year about "proper prayer posture" has all been forgotten by now.
But then again I remember my first official day at Christ Lutheran as the intern. I was even more unfamiliar with the worship format that I am with Luther's (since I pretty much have attended Chapel every Wednesday of my tenure here). And I still was able to get up there and sing and pray and do what was asked of me that day by my supervisor and I did it well.
I think I'm just making a big deal out of nothing. I think assisting tomorrow in Chapel will be a wonderful experience. There's nothing quite like serving your friends communion by name. There's nothing like being a part of a worship service full of passionate, dedicated people.
Plus, I get to wear one of those rockstar mics. :)
Monday, September 10, 2007
Last and First
Today was my last first day of school for what I hope is a long time. Weird! Yes, I'm officially back. Seminary classes started today. It seems hard to believe. It was three years ago that I was a wide-eyed first year seminary who had no idea what she was getting herself into. Now I'm a seasoned and somewhat jaded veteran who still admits to having a lot to learn.
My friend Meta wrote a post on Senioritis on the official Luther Seminary blog. I can't help but admire her and many of my closest friend's excitement and readiness to be back for another year of seminary. However, I don't quite share 100% with all their sentiments and it's bugging me. Why can't I be as excited as everyone else for another year of school? It's odd. I'm usually the one who is the most upbeat about stuff like this but I can't quite muster up the energy.
Most of it is because I miss Charlotte and Christ Lutheran. It's hard to be back writing papers and back in classroom. Though I do well in school, I long for the practical, I long to get outside of the classroom and out in the church in the greater world. I miss my friends and those who taught me so much over this year. I long to be surrounded by a congregation and not by thousands of books in a library. It's been a hard transition, probably harder than I've let on.
Then I was treated to a wonderful talk at Chapel today by our Seminary President. He talked about the passage in Luke where the disciples ask Jesus to teach them how to pray and how God will give us what we ask for. He then went on to explain that before the disciples asked this question they had been out in the field, that they had been out there driving out demons and preaching to others and now, here they were, asking Jesus how to pray. That even after they had been out in the field, they had come back and still had room for growth.
It was exactly what I needed to hear. I realized that, yeah, I can do ministry but this year is so much more than about me. I'm here not only to grow academically but to grow spiritually as well. It is here that I am surrounded by a wonderful community of friends, colleagues, and professors that I know care about me and how this year goes. They care not only how I grow in knowledge but also in faith. And it is here that I find a support system like no other; all of us who are going through the exact same process, who are taking the same classes, who are often asking the same big questions about God, life, and everything in between. This year I have a wonderful opportunity to grow as a person in this community and I certainly hope not to waste it.
I told a friend after I figured out what this year was going to hold for me that I could now approach this year with purpose that I might not find otherwise. I knew that I was truly called to Luther Seminary for my senior year. I find myself needing to remind myself over and over again, on my first day of my last year of school. This isn't an end but a beginning of what I hope and pray is a great year; a year full of grace, love, purpose, courage, and faith.
My friend Meta wrote a post on Senioritis on the official Luther Seminary blog. I can't help but admire her and many of my closest friend's excitement and readiness to be back for another year of seminary. However, I don't quite share 100% with all their sentiments and it's bugging me. Why can't I be as excited as everyone else for another year of school? It's odd. I'm usually the one who is the most upbeat about stuff like this but I can't quite muster up the energy.
Most of it is because I miss Charlotte and Christ Lutheran. It's hard to be back writing papers and back in classroom. Though I do well in school, I long for the practical, I long to get outside of the classroom and out in the church in the greater world. I miss my friends and those who taught me so much over this year. I long to be surrounded by a congregation and not by thousands of books in a library. It's been a hard transition, probably harder than I've let on.
Then I was treated to a wonderful talk at Chapel today by our Seminary President. He talked about the passage in Luke where the disciples ask Jesus to teach them how to pray and how God will give us what we ask for. He then went on to explain that before the disciples asked this question they had been out in the field, that they had been out there driving out demons and preaching to others and now, here they were, asking Jesus how to pray. That even after they had been out in the field, they had come back and still had room for growth.
It was exactly what I needed to hear. I realized that, yeah, I can do ministry but this year is so much more than about me. I'm here not only to grow academically but to grow spiritually as well. It is here that I am surrounded by a wonderful community of friends, colleagues, and professors that I know care about me and how this year goes. They care not only how I grow in knowledge but also in faith. And it is here that I find a support system like no other; all of us who are going through the exact same process, who are taking the same classes, who are often asking the same big questions about God, life, and everything in between. This year I have a wonderful opportunity to grow as a person in this community and I certainly hope not to waste it.
I told a friend after I figured out what this year was going to hold for me that I could now approach this year with purpose that I might not find otherwise. I knew that I was truly called to Luther Seminary for my senior year. I find myself needing to remind myself over and over again, on my first day of my last year of school. This isn't an end but a beginning of what I hope and pray is a great year; a year full of grace, love, purpose, courage, and faith.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
All Bets Are Off
The other day I met with my CPE group for the first time. I will be processing my experiences as a chaplain with the group of people throughout the upcoming semester. This means I will have to get very up close and personal with this group. It's actually a really good group of people so I'm actually curious to see how this is all going to turn out.
In our first group meeting we were asked for one word or phrase that described our life at the current time. I went with the first phrase that popped into my head. It was "all bets are off." Now, I've been journaling for ages. I still have the really embarrassing journals from when I was a kid. I wrote this phrase in one my journal entries right before I started seminary. Somehow, it's seemed to fit every school year that I've started at seminary.
As I get ready for the start of my senior year I came across this again and it seemed to fit. God has had a way of surprising me ever since I started. Who would have thought that I would have lived off campus all three years at Luther? Who would have thought I'd get a scholarship to go to seminary? Who would have thought that I end up in Charlotte, NC for my internship? And who knows where this all may be leading. I had never thought about doing my chaplaincy at Fairview Ridges hospital. And as I look further into my future to the approval interviews and assignment where I'm told what region in the country I journey to after my final year at seminary I can't help but think that everything is going to work itself out in an unexpected way. My life so far at seminary has turned out that way. Why should my first call be any different?
And there is something comforting about looking at life in this fashion; in approaching life as if all bets are off. In admitting this, I'm giving up control. Sure, I get to put down preferences and I'm the one answering the questions in the interview but at the same time, I'm attempting to leave it up to God. Because it's certainly not me that has made all these random pieces fall together in a perfect pattern. I ran from my call to be a pastor for years. The scholarship was an act of grace that I would have never guessed could happen. In entering seminary exactly when I did I inadvertantly ensured myself a place at Christ Lutheran in Charlotte, a place I wouldn't have been able to intern at unless I would have been on the exact track I am on now. Heck, Christ Lutheran was not even my top choice. All bets are off, but yet, I'm still betting on God. All bets are off because God works in unexpected and surprising ways, ways that we may not necessarily choose for ourselves.
I am excited to see what this year brings and a bit scared as well. But I trust that even though things may not turn out the way I want or are expecting, it will somehow all work itself out. God has been faithful thus far in my life and I'm willing to bet my life that he will continue to be faithful in the midst of one of what I'm sure will prove to be one of the most stressful and defining years of my life.
In our first group meeting we were asked for one word or phrase that described our life at the current time. I went with the first phrase that popped into my head. It was "all bets are off." Now, I've been journaling for ages. I still have the really embarrassing journals from when I was a kid. I wrote this phrase in one my journal entries right before I started seminary. Somehow, it's seemed to fit every school year that I've started at seminary.
As I get ready for the start of my senior year I came across this again and it seemed to fit. God has had a way of surprising me ever since I started. Who would have thought that I would have lived off campus all three years at Luther? Who would have thought I'd get a scholarship to go to seminary? Who would have thought that I end up in Charlotte, NC for my internship? And who knows where this all may be leading. I had never thought about doing my chaplaincy at Fairview Ridges hospital. And as I look further into my future to the approval interviews and assignment where I'm told what region in the country I journey to after my final year at seminary I can't help but think that everything is going to work itself out in an unexpected way. My life so far at seminary has turned out that way. Why should my first call be any different?
And there is something comforting about looking at life in this fashion; in approaching life as if all bets are off. In admitting this, I'm giving up control. Sure, I get to put down preferences and I'm the one answering the questions in the interview but at the same time, I'm attempting to leave it up to God. Because it's certainly not me that has made all these random pieces fall together in a perfect pattern. I ran from my call to be a pastor for years. The scholarship was an act of grace that I would have never guessed could happen. In entering seminary exactly when I did I inadvertantly ensured myself a place at Christ Lutheran in Charlotte, a place I wouldn't have been able to intern at unless I would have been on the exact track I am on now. Heck, Christ Lutheran was not even my top choice. All bets are off, but yet, I'm still betting on God. All bets are off because God works in unexpected and surprising ways, ways that we may not necessarily choose for ourselves.
I am excited to see what this year brings and a bit scared as well. But I trust that even though things may not turn out the way I want or are expecting, it will somehow all work itself out. God has been faithful thus far in my life and I'm willing to bet my life that he will continue to be faithful in the midst of one of what I'm sure will prove to be one of the most stressful and defining years of my life.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Back In the Game
After nearly three long weeks I finally have internet back in my place... Well, kind of. My wireless router isn't quite doing what I want it to so until my roommate gets back with her own router and gives it a try, I simply have to do this wired.
These past few weeks have ushered in my life back here at Luther Seminary and MN. There are definitely positives to this such as seeing friends and family again, rollerblading around Lake Calhoun and Harriet, and watching my beloved Twins again at home. However, being home has already brought me straight back into the world of academia and let me say, I wasn't quite ready for this. I think coming home and writing that 20 page approval essay wasn't the best way to start it. I guess it's just a good thing that I know it's only a year.
I also started CPE this week, my clinical pastoral education or my time as a hospital chaplain. Unfortunately, I have to pay to work 25 hours a week which includes making sure I leave my apartment at 7:15 every morning so I can make it to the hospital on time. I think I'm going to be tired by the end of the semester. But, this may actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Let's be honest, even though I'm a good student and I love learning, there's nothing like being out there, doing ministry on the front lines in a church. Sure, I love seminary and it's great to be back around a city and people I love but I yearn to be back in a church, somewhere, on a long term basis. I want to be out there, working with the people. And CPE gives me a chance to do this. Sure, it's in a different way than I would prefer but at least it's something and it gives me a great opportunity to learn.
But, I am not completely cynical about what this year will bring. I'm excited to meet new people and hear their stories. I'm excited to take some classes with my favorite profs that will hopefully engage me and force me to speak up and step outside my comfort zone. I'm excited to talk about internship and compare stories and notes. We all have something we can learn from each other, right?
As much as I want to be somewhere else, I'm here and I have to make the best of it. I think my Charlotte withdrawal will fade with time and I know that this place is a place that I will always call home, no matter how far away I'm called after this year. Here's to a great senior year!
These past few weeks have ushered in my life back here at Luther Seminary and MN. There are definitely positives to this such as seeing friends and family again, rollerblading around Lake Calhoun and Harriet, and watching my beloved Twins again at home. However, being home has already brought me straight back into the world of academia and let me say, I wasn't quite ready for this. I think coming home and writing that 20 page approval essay wasn't the best way to start it. I guess it's just a good thing that I know it's only a year.
I also started CPE this week, my clinical pastoral education or my time as a hospital chaplain. Unfortunately, I have to pay to work 25 hours a week which includes making sure I leave my apartment at 7:15 every morning so I can make it to the hospital on time. I think I'm going to be tired by the end of the semester. But, this may actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Let's be honest, even though I'm a good student and I love learning, there's nothing like being out there, doing ministry on the front lines in a church. Sure, I love seminary and it's great to be back around a city and people I love but I yearn to be back in a church, somewhere, on a long term basis. I want to be out there, working with the people. And CPE gives me a chance to do this. Sure, it's in a different way than I would prefer but at least it's something and it gives me a great opportunity to learn.
But, I am not completely cynical about what this year will bring. I'm excited to meet new people and hear their stories. I'm excited to take some classes with my favorite profs that will hopefully engage me and force me to speak up and step outside my comfort zone. I'm excited to talk about internship and compare stories and notes. We all have something we can learn from each other, right?
As much as I want to be somewhere else, I'm here and I have to make the best of it. I think my Charlotte withdrawal will fade with time and I know that this place is a place that I will always call home, no matter how far away I'm called after this year. Here's to a great senior year!
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