Today was a good day. The earlier posts speaks to why it was good. But today was also a day of conflicting emotions. Heck, this year has been a year of conflicting emotions. I got news today that one of my seminary classmates was diagnosed with acute leukemia. I do not know all the details right off the bat but I do know that he started chemo today, they're doing aggressive treatment which means the cancer is most likely aggressive, and he has a family. Along with the news is the story of Katherine Ann Olson, a young adult in the area that was murdered recently. I found out that she also had a lot of connections to the seminary and the community was also feeling that death. Then there is my work as a chaplain, encountering people facing death, cancer, chronic illness, and no explanation for why they are feeling pain and no cure for what they are facing. There are also those around me facing divorce, heart break, heart ache, a major surgery, and lots of questions about how this is all going to end.
There is a lot of pain out there. This past week I've walked and talked with people experiencing pain. I've felt pain myself in watching these stories play out. We are all affected by it. There's no escaping it.
And today I was met with something quite unexpected. I was met with joy as I looked toward my future and saw hope. I was met with joy as the fact that I will someday be a Lutheran Pastor, perhaps in one of these synods that visited today. And yet, I somehow felt guilty about this experience. One of my classmates should have been with us today, even if he already has his first call together. Here I was, able to look at my future with hope, joy, and high expectations and here I'm sure he and his family were rewriting their story and their future was no longer sure.
With so much pain surrounding us, I wonder if I really have the right to celebrate. Is this joy a fluke? Can I truly feel joy in the midst of all this pain, questioning, and uncertainty?
Well, apparently I can because today I did feel joy. And maybe that's exactly what we need in the midst of this pain and suffering. Because you know, the pain is never going to completely go away and suffering unfortunately is also a certainty in life. What I found today was that I needed to remember that there is hope and joy in the world and that I could experience it in the midst of all the crap that is going on around me. And maybe that hope and joy is more potent because I am aware of how precious it is; I am aware of what a gift joy and hope are. I was also reminded of the need to surround myself with those things that give me joy whether it be my friends or family and also to do those things that give me joy such journal, listen to music, or spending time at church. If we cut ourselves off from those things that bring us joy in the first place, we aren't doing ourselves any favors. We cannot feel guilty in these situations. The pain already runs so deep we only make it worse if we start beating ourselves up for laughing, living for the moment, sharing in fellowship, or looking forward with hope. It will often be these things that carry us through the pain, that help us heal, that help us move forward.
It's always a balancing act. As I face both pain and joy in my life and in the life of those who surround me, I try to keep both in sight. If I lose the pain, then I lose the meaningfulness of true hope and true joy. If I lose hope and joy, then I will sink into despair. I know that I err to one side or the other, depending on the day. But I have to keep at it. I have no choice. And I keep living life and taking one day at a time, knowing that it will invariably be filled with both. It's all I can do sometimes. And it makes days like today that much more precious.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
The Real Thing
Happy Halloween/Reformation Day. Yes, October 31 is the very day that Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on a door at Wittenberg. It's good stuff!
Today was a momentous day for and the rest of the senior class at seminary for another reason. Bishops from six different synods and regions of the ELCA from all over the country were here visiting. Now, after we graduate from seminary we do not go out and get to look for a call as a pastor at anyplace we want. Instead, we are asked to put down preferences of where we would like to take our first call. Some people are allowed to restrict depending on medical conditions, spouses with jobs, houses, etc. I am not one of these people. So, I put my life in the hands of the ELCA Bishops who will pick me from a pool of seminary candidates from all eight different ELCA seminaries. They will decide where I do ministry for the next three or so years of my life.
So today I put on the power suit (taking a page from my East Coast friend who said that their fear was always being the least dressed up person in the room) and came to seminary not quite knowing what to expect. What I found were six individuals who were very dedicated to God, the church, the mission of the church, and outreach. We did a panel discussion, ate lunch with them, and then got a chance to talk with them on a more individual basis.
The experience was invigorating! There were so many creative ways that people were doing ministry that it was a breath of fresh air. The bishops also seemed very supportive of those called to their area for first call. They wanted to talk to us and get to know us. They were well spoken, patient, and passionate.
So here I was, staring at my future in the church: hearing about what opportunities there were out there in the church, hearing about the challenges that were facing the church, and some of the creative ways that people were looking to reach out to those who had never heard about God or Jesus. I should have been terrified. Instead, I couldn't wait to start! In a semester full of case studies, scenarios, and missing being in a church, here was a hard dose of reality. You're going to be out there in less than a year. It's not school. It's not going to be easy. It's actually going to be really hard. But, I finally saw myself in someplace new, I saw myself at these synods, I saw myself at places like NW Washington, Delaware-Maryland, and even Eastern ND. I was no longer just thinking about these preferences as geographical points on a map, instead, they were places that need pastors, that need people who are passionate about preaching the Gospel, that need leadership that will raise up leadership among the people.
Today, I got a glimpse of my future in the church and I can't wait!
Today was a momentous day for and the rest of the senior class at seminary for another reason. Bishops from six different synods and regions of the ELCA from all over the country were here visiting. Now, after we graduate from seminary we do not go out and get to look for a call as a pastor at anyplace we want. Instead, we are asked to put down preferences of where we would like to take our first call. Some people are allowed to restrict depending on medical conditions, spouses with jobs, houses, etc. I am not one of these people. So, I put my life in the hands of the ELCA Bishops who will pick me from a pool of seminary candidates from all eight different ELCA seminaries. They will decide where I do ministry for the next three or so years of my life.
So today I put on the power suit (taking a page from my East Coast friend who said that their fear was always being the least dressed up person in the room) and came to seminary not quite knowing what to expect. What I found were six individuals who were very dedicated to God, the church, the mission of the church, and outreach. We did a panel discussion, ate lunch with them, and then got a chance to talk with them on a more individual basis.
The experience was invigorating! There were so many creative ways that people were doing ministry that it was a breath of fresh air. The bishops also seemed very supportive of those called to their area for first call. They wanted to talk to us and get to know us. They were well spoken, patient, and passionate.
So here I was, staring at my future in the church: hearing about what opportunities there were out there in the church, hearing about the challenges that were facing the church, and some of the creative ways that people were looking to reach out to those who had never heard about God or Jesus. I should have been terrified. Instead, I couldn't wait to start! In a semester full of case studies, scenarios, and missing being in a church, here was a hard dose of reality. You're going to be out there in less than a year. It's not school. It's not going to be easy. It's actually going to be really hard. But, I finally saw myself in someplace new, I saw myself at these synods, I saw myself at places like NW Washington, Delaware-Maryland, and even Eastern ND. I was no longer just thinking about these preferences as geographical points on a map, instead, they were places that need pastors, that need people who are passionate about preaching the Gospel, that need leadership that will raise up leadership among the people.
Today, I got a glimpse of my future in the church and I can't wait!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Just a Game But Not
Found this article on ESPN.com and thought I'd share it because it's really good and I'm sure will be a sermon illustration someday down the line.
Baseball's Only a Game to Real-Life Survivors Lester, Cook
By Gene Wojciechowski
DENVER -- Jon Lester had cancer. Lymphoma, to be exact, but cancer. Whatever the exact name, you don't want it. The same goes for blood clots. Aaron Cook can tell you all about them. He had them in his lungs.
Sunday evening, in Game 4 of the World Series, a cancer survivor and a blood clot survivor will take turns on the Coors Field mound. Lester can give the Boston Red Sox their second world championship (and second sweep) in the past four years. Cook can keep the Colorado Rockies from becoming a postseason footnote and oh-fer victim.
Two pitchers. Two men who weren't entirely sure -- how could they be? -- that they'd ever play baseball again. And now one of them can help end a World Series and the other can help extend it.
"You know, I'm just trying to take it as another start, trying not to look at it as anything extra than that," said quiet, unassuming Lester.
But it isn't just another start, is it? A World Series is at stake, but what makes it an extraordinary night is the convergence of circumstances that brings Lester and Cook to this moment.
"I don't think it's a coincidence," said Rockies manager Clint Hurdle. "I think this game drips with irony at different times for different reasons, and it's not just because of the game or the manager matching pitchers."
"It is kind of ironic with him going through what he went through and me what I went through, both of us to work our way back to the top level of professional baseball," Cook said. "It's tough enough to get here, and what we've been through just to keep our focus, keep our faith and just realize … that baseball is not the most important thing."
But it's the thing that kept them going. Lester was first diagnosed with a rare form of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma in September 2006, near the end of his wonderful rookie season. He began chemotherapy that same month, and by December, his doctors no longer could detect any cancer.
The Red Sox hoped for the best. Lester didn't. He said he never considered a scenario that would prevent him from complete recovery, from imagining a moment like the one he'll experience Sunday night at Coors Field.
"That's not my mentality," Lester said. "I'm a competitor. I don't want to be down with anything. I just try to take that mentality into it. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Don't sit at home and think about it."
So he went fishing. He hunted. "I just tried to do that and keep my mind off the other stuff and tried to be as normal as I could," he said.
Normal to Lester is playing baseball. The Red Sox admired his optimism, but they weren't counting on anything. Even when Lester arrived at spring training, the team's expectations were simple: Expect nothing. Anything else would be a pleasant surprise.
"What he went through was a very difficult winter, I'm sure, for he and his family," said Red Sox manager Terry Francona. "He handled it with grace, a lot of dignity, a lot of perseverance, and because of that [and] some really neat medical people, the fact that we're even talking about baseball is really awesome. I think before Jon picked up a ball this year, it was already a successful year."
Lester began the season with Class A Greenville. Then Triple-A Pawtucket. His 2007 big league debut didn't come until July 23 against the Cleveland Indians, when he won a major league game for the first time since Aug. 23, 2006. You could hear the cheers all the way back from his hometown of Puyallup, Wash.
The guy is undefeated in the majors this season. One more win and the Red Sox break out the swim goggles and start spraying champagne.
"Last year, I didn't really get a chance to enjoy what was going on, and being up in the big leagues, being a part of every kid's dream and playing up there with these guys," Lester said. "I took a lot of things for granted last year and beat myself up over little things. This year, I've tried to just have fun, treat it like a game, like a kid's game, have fun doing it, and I think it's helped out quite a bit."
It also helps to be healthy. Cook knows the feeling.
During a late 2004 start, he experienced dizziness on the mound. Doctors discovered that one of his ribs was pressing against a vein and that the odd condition was creating life-threatening blood clots. He wouldn't pitch again for nearly a year.
Cook recovered. He returned in 2005 and won six consecutive games. His story was as inspirational as Lester's is now.
"There's a verse in the Bible that says, 'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because testing of your faith develops perseverance,'" said Cook, the Rockies' 2007 Opening Day starter. "That's one verse I really held on to."
Cook and the Rockies face the postseason's most difficult trial: an 0-3 deficit and the sobering truth that they have to win four consecutive games against a Red Sox team on a 7-0 World Series victory run. They'll need more than faith to do that. They'll need Cook to last longer than the 2 2/3 innings starter Josh Fogg (10 hits, six runs) lasted in Saturday night's 10-5 loss.
Otherwise, when the Coors Field public-address announcer asks the crowd for its fourth-inning music request, as he did a night earlier, the crowd might ask for "Taps."
Cook won't have it easy. The Rockies have scored a grand total of seven runs in three games. And because of the muscle strain, he was left off the NLCS roster and hasn't pitched in a big league game since Aug. 10.
"I feel pretty comfortable with where I'm at, and [Sunday night] will be the real test," Cook said. "It's the biggest stage."
Funny, Lester said the same thing. Figures. Survivors are like that.
Baseball's Only a Game to Real-Life Survivors Lester, Cook
By Gene Wojciechowski
DENVER -- Jon Lester had cancer. Lymphoma, to be exact, but cancer. Whatever the exact name, you don't want it. The same goes for blood clots. Aaron Cook can tell you all about them. He had them in his lungs.
Sunday evening, in Game 4 of the World Series, a cancer survivor and a blood clot survivor will take turns on the Coors Field mound. Lester can give the Boston Red Sox their second world championship (and second sweep) in the past four years. Cook can keep the Colorado Rockies from becoming a postseason footnote and oh-fer victim.
Two pitchers. Two men who weren't entirely sure -- how could they be? -- that they'd ever play baseball again. And now one of them can help end a World Series and the other can help extend it.
"You know, I'm just trying to take it as another start, trying not to look at it as anything extra than that," said quiet, unassuming Lester.
But it isn't just another start, is it? A World Series is at stake, but what makes it an extraordinary night is the convergence of circumstances that brings Lester and Cook to this moment.
"I don't think it's a coincidence," said Rockies manager Clint Hurdle. "I think this game drips with irony at different times for different reasons, and it's not just because of the game or the manager matching pitchers."
Maybe, as Hurdle said, "God's fingerprints" were all over this one. Or maybe it was simply two guys who got lucky. Whatever the reasons, they're here.
Neither player was a lock to start Game 4. Lester wasn't added to the Red Sox rotation until a shoulder and back injury to veteran knuckleballer Tim Wakefield forced manager Terry Francona to reluctantly drop Wakefield from the World Series roster. The decision to use Cook wasn't made until he convinced Hurdle he had recovered sufficiently from an oblique injury."It is kind of ironic with him going through what he went through and me what I went through, both of us to work our way back to the top level of professional baseball," Cook said. "It's tough enough to get here, and what we've been through just to keep our focus, keep our faith and just realize … that baseball is not the most important thing."
But it's the thing that kept them going. Lester was first diagnosed with a rare form of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma in September 2006, near the end of his wonderful rookie season. He began chemotherapy that same month, and by December, his doctors no longer could detect any cancer.
The Red Sox hoped for the best. Lester didn't. He said he never considered a scenario that would prevent him from complete recovery, from imagining a moment like the one he'll experience Sunday night at Coors Field.
"That's not my mentality," Lester said. "I'm a competitor. I don't want to be down with anything. I just try to take that mentality into it. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Don't sit at home and think about it."
So he went fishing. He hunted. "I just tried to do that and keep my mind off the other stuff and tried to be as normal as I could," he said.
Normal to Lester is playing baseball. The Red Sox admired his optimism, but they weren't counting on anything. Even when Lester arrived at spring training, the team's expectations were simple: Expect nothing. Anything else would be a pleasant surprise.
"What he went through was a very difficult winter, I'm sure, for he and his family," said Red Sox manager Terry Francona. "He handled it with grace, a lot of dignity, a lot of perseverance, and because of that [and] some really neat medical people, the fact that we're even talking about baseball is really awesome. I think before Jon picked up a ball this year, it was already a successful year."
Lester began the season with Class A Greenville. Then Triple-A Pawtucket. His 2007 big league debut didn't come until July 23 against the Cleveland Indians, when he won a major league game for the first time since Aug. 23, 2006. You could hear the cheers all the way back from his hometown of Puyallup, Wash.
The guy is undefeated in the majors this season. One more win and the Red Sox break out the swim goggles and start spraying champagne.
"Last year, I didn't really get a chance to enjoy what was going on, and being up in the big leagues, being a part of every kid's dream and playing up there with these guys," Lester said. "I took a lot of things for granted last year and beat myself up over little things. This year, I've tried to just have fun, treat it like a game, like a kid's game, have fun doing it, and I think it's helped out quite a bit."
It also helps to be healthy. Cook knows the feeling.
During a late 2004 start, he experienced dizziness on the mound. Doctors discovered that one of his ribs was pressing against a vein and that the odd condition was creating life-threatening blood clots. He wouldn't pitch again for nearly a year.
Cook recovered. He returned in 2005 and won six consecutive games. His story was as inspirational as Lester's is now.
"There's a verse in the Bible that says, 'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because testing of your faith develops perseverance,'" said Cook, the Rockies' 2007 Opening Day starter. "That's one verse I really held on to."
Cook and the Rockies face the postseason's most difficult trial: an 0-3 deficit and the sobering truth that they have to win four consecutive games against a Red Sox team on a 7-0 World Series victory run. They'll need more than faith to do that. They'll need Cook to last longer than the 2 2/3 innings starter Josh Fogg (10 hits, six runs) lasted in Saturday night's 10-5 loss.
Otherwise, when the Coors Field public-address announcer asks the crowd for its fourth-inning music request, as he did a night earlier, the crowd might ask for "Taps."
Cook won't have it easy. The Rockies have scored a grand total of seven runs in three games. And because of the muscle strain, he was left off the NLCS roster and hasn't pitched in a big league game since Aug. 10.
"I feel pretty comfortable with where I'm at, and [Sunday night] will be the real test," Cook said. "It's the biggest stage."
Funny, Lester said the same thing. Figures. Survivors are like that.
Sermon Scenarios
I'm preaching my first sermon for senior preaching and worship tomorrow. For our senior year, they decide it's a good idea to give us some hands on stuff to work on. In other words, we get scenarios and then we have to figure out how to preach on them as opposed to the usual look at a text and make something up approach. For our first sermon we are given a scenario for either a funeral or a wedding. I chose funeral because frankly, funeral preaching scares me. So I figured I'd go for it.
I open my scenario sheet and this is what I get:
"Howard drowned at age 44 when his fishing boat turned over. He was probably drunk or high or both. He was baptized and confirmed in your parish, but his membership had lapsed years ago and he never attended. He was involved in several businesses, and according to the town gossip, was a drug dealer. He and his wife had 5 children and have been divorced for some time. He was living with his "fiance" as he has been introducing her for the last 5 years and has 2 young children with her. You know her as a neighbor and a sometime church attender. She has asked you to do the funeral because you're the only pastor she knows and Howard was connected to your parish long ago? You knew Howard only superficially as a gregarious man and that, as people in town say, "you either loved him or hated him."
Whew! Here's another one I've been looking at not for a preaching course but for a practical theology course:
Claurice, 71, was a marginal church member. She hadn't been in church for a couple years, before that Christmas and Easter, funerals and weddings. Upper-middle class, she raised 2 daughters and a son, all of whom are well-educated and have prosperous careers and have no connection with the church. The daughters are married by have no children. You have called on her several times during her final hospital stay. The funeral is in the mortuary.
Daughter Elizabeth was asked to speak for the family and gave the following eulogy:
"Mom, we miss you. We can't think of a single thing to fault you with, since to all of us you have have been nothing but kindness and love... Mom might not have been much of a church-goer, but she didn't need to be. She thought the church was full of hypocritical, judgmental people and didn't need the church to be the kind of great woman she was. She is gone now, but not really. How could she be? Every time I look out the window and see the beautiful cloud formations... she is there... she is here. She lives on... the starts above are her presence, the sun is her warmth and the singing birds her voice. We love you, Mom. You will never die."
Next comes a solo, "To Dream the Impossible Dream," sung by a well-paid stranger, and now it's your turn!
Whew again! If I got to pick, I'm not sure which one I'd go with. But, regardless, as much as we may flinch at these scenarios, the thing is, these are based on real situations. Granted, ever funeral will not be as crazy as these scenarios but stuff like this can still happen. These just seem so ridiculous because we're all given the crazy ones all at once. But, I'm glad for the chance to try these out in front of friends and get insights and feedback. So, onto writing my sermon!
I open my scenario sheet and this is what I get:
"Howard drowned at age 44 when his fishing boat turned over. He was probably drunk or high or both. He was baptized and confirmed in your parish, but his membership had lapsed years ago and he never attended. He was involved in several businesses, and according to the town gossip, was a drug dealer. He and his wife had 5 children and have been divorced for some time. He was living with his "fiance" as he has been introducing her for the last 5 years and has 2 young children with her. You know her as a neighbor and a sometime church attender. She has asked you to do the funeral because you're the only pastor she knows and Howard was connected to your parish long ago? You knew Howard only superficially as a gregarious man and that, as people in town say, "you either loved him or hated him."
Whew! Here's another one I've been looking at not for a preaching course but for a practical theology course:
Claurice, 71, was a marginal church member. She hadn't been in church for a couple years, before that Christmas and Easter, funerals and weddings. Upper-middle class, she raised 2 daughters and a son, all of whom are well-educated and have prosperous careers and have no connection with the church. The daughters are married by have no children. You have called on her several times during her final hospital stay. The funeral is in the mortuary.
Daughter Elizabeth was asked to speak for the family and gave the following eulogy:
"Mom, we miss you. We can't think of a single thing to fault you with, since to all of us you have have been nothing but kindness and love... Mom might not have been much of a church-goer, but she didn't need to be. She thought the church was full of hypocritical, judgmental people and didn't need the church to be the kind of great woman she was. She is gone now, but not really. How could she be? Every time I look out the window and see the beautiful cloud formations... she is there... she is here. She lives on... the starts above are her presence, the sun is her warmth and the singing birds her voice. We love you, Mom. You will never die."
Next comes a solo, "To Dream the Impossible Dream," sung by a well-paid stranger, and now it's your turn!
Whew again! If I got to pick, I'm not sure which one I'd go with. But, regardless, as much as we may flinch at these scenarios, the thing is, these are based on real situations. Granted, ever funeral will not be as crazy as these scenarios but stuff like this can still happen. These just seem so ridiculous because we're all given the crazy ones all at once. But, I'm glad for the chance to try these out in front of friends and get insights and feedback. So, onto writing my sermon!
Monday, October 22, 2007
To live in this world
To do three things:
To love what is mortal;
To hold it
Your own life depends on it’ and, when the time comes to let it go,
To let it go.
“In Blackwater Woods”
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Choices or Life Getting in the Way of Life
Tonight is one of those nights where I hate the fact that I'm good at cramming a lot into one day. Tonight I was supposed to go and see the band The Daredevil Christopher Wright which happens to be composed of some old camp friends who are amazingly talented musicians. But alas, earlier this week I locked in my faculty approval interview for Friday at 3:15. I know you're thinking, 3:15, that's not bad! Go out, have a beer, enjoy some great live music! But of course, I spend all day on Friday before the interview in class. Plus, this is an important interview so it means that I have to get business suited up and look all nice and fresh and professional. Grrr...
So tonight I had to choose between an extra hour and half of sleep and great live music, one of my admitted weaknesses. And well, here I am, not at the show. And it was so hard! These are friends that I haven't seen for over four years! And yet, I had to make the call on my own. As my friend Nick put it when I told him I wasn't coming, it was life getting in the way of life.
It seems like this has been happening more and more as I've gotten older. It seems that as we grow up, our choices impact our life in more profound ways. Instead of simply choosing what to wear in elementary school (considering your parents let you choose...) or what fun electives to take in middle school all of a sudden we were faced with choices that would have bigger ramifications on our future. When we chose classes in high school (honors, AP, IB, etc.) we were not simply choosing for the moment but instead we were thinking about our GPA's and incidentally, our transcript that would influence our future at college. When we started at college, certain majors and career paths needed to be taking certain classes right off the bat. As I've start seminary I've had to make many choices about life. Internship close to home or far away in someplace new? CPE or my chaplaincy during the summer or during the school year? Living on or off campus? What churches do I put down on my internship application form?
And here I am now, facing some of the biggest choices of my life. Where do I want to go after I finish seminary? What locations around the country am I going to put down for my destination for my first three years in ministry? What kind of church and what kind of ministry do I want to go to? And more importantly, how does this work out with my personal life? How does this work out with relationships that important to me, friends and family? How will this place nurture me spiritually, mentally and emotionally? And I know I'm not the only one asking these types of questions right now. Am I on the right career path? Should I go back to school? I just got this great job offer that takes me far from home, what do I do now? These are all huge questions and choices will have to be made that take into account all of these questions.
And truth be told, I'm a bit terrified. How am I supposed to choose in the midst of all of these different things: friends, family, churches, locations, etc. vying for my heart and time? What happens if I make the wrong or a bad choice? Because, I have made my share of bad choices throughout my life, there is no doubt about that. And we all know that all choices have consequences, good and bad. And life has this annoying way of getting in the way of life.
But I can't exactly hide under a rock and avoid making these choices. They're coming one way or another. And all I can do is pray (A LOT) and do the best I can with the choice and hope that I am met with grace on the other side. The funny thing is as I face this all I am reminded of a sermon that I preached not even six months ago. My point was that God is causing everything, all of our good choices and bad choices to work out for the good and work toward our final destination, a full life, an eternal life with our Lord (see the story of Joseph in Genesis). Therefore, we are called to live a life of hope, a life where we can trust that nothing, not even any bad life choices we may make, can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. And here I am, six months later, clinging to these words that I wrote back in March, that I believed fiercely then, and believe even more fiercely and boldly now. Tonight was a small choice among a year of bigger ones yet to come. So, here I go!
So tonight I had to choose between an extra hour and half of sleep and great live music, one of my admitted weaknesses. And well, here I am, not at the show. And it was so hard! These are friends that I haven't seen for over four years! And yet, I had to make the call on my own. As my friend Nick put it when I told him I wasn't coming, it was life getting in the way of life.
It seems like this has been happening more and more as I've gotten older. It seems that as we grow up, our choices impact our life in more profound ways. Instead of simply choosing what to wear in elementary school (considering your parents let you choose...) or what fun electives to take in middle school all of a sudden we were faced with choices that would have bigger ramifications on our future. When we chose classes in high school (honors, AP, IB, etc.) we were not simply choosing for the moment but instead we were thinking about our GPA's and incidentally, our transcript that would influence our future at college. When we started at college, certain majors and career paths needed to be taking certain classes right off the bat. As I've start seminary I've had to make many choices about life. Internship close to home or far away in someplace new? CPE or my chaplaincy during the summer or during the school year? Living on or off campus? What churches do I put down on my internship application form?
And here I am now, facing some of the biggest choices of my life. Where do I want to go after I finish seminary? What locations around the country am I going to put down for my destination for my first three years in ministry? What kind of church and what kind of ministry do I want to go to? And more importantly, how does this work out with my personal life? How does this work out with relationships that important to me, friends and family? How will this place nurture me spiritually, mentally and emotionally? And I know I'm not the only one asking these types of questions right now. Am I on the right career path? Should I go back to school? I just got this great job offer that takes me far from home, what do I do now? These are all huge questions and choices will have to be made that take into account all of these questions.
And truth be told, I'm a bit terrified. How am I supposed to choose in the midst of all of these different things: friends, family, churches, locations, etc. vying for my heart and time? What happens if I make the wrong or a bad choice? Because, I have made my share of bad choices throughout my life, there is no doubt about that. And we all know that all choices have consequences, good and bad. And life has this annoying way of getting in the way of life.
But I can't exactly hide under a rock and avoid making these choices. They're coming one way or another. And all I can do is pray (A LOT) and do the best I can with the choice and hope that I am met with grace on the other side. The funny thing is as I face this all I am reminded of a sermon that I preached not even six months ago. My point was that God is causing everything, all of our good choices and bad choices to work out for the good and work toward our final destination, a full life, an eternal life with our Lord (see the story of Joseph in Genesis). Therefore, we are called to live a life of hope, a life where we can trust that nothing, not even any bad life choices we may make, can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. And here I am, six months later, clinging to these words that I wrote back in March, that I believed fiercely then, and believe even more fiercely and boldly now. Tonight was a small choice among a year of bigger ones yet to come. So, here I go!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I Love the Fall!
There's something about the end of September and the month of October that I simply love. Part of it is the cooler weather, the opportunity to sleep with the windows open and snuggle beneath multiple blankets. The colors are changing around the Twin Cities and it is simply breathtaking when I drive over the MN River Valley on the way to my CPE site. I also get to dig out all my sweaters, long-sleeved shirts, and sweatshirts which means my wardrobe nearly doubles. However, a huge part of it is the MLB playoff push. I remember three years ago when the Red Sox came back from a three game deficit to pummel the Yankees in Game 7 of the ALCS. I remember two years ago when the MN Twins made the historic run to the playoffs when only a couple of months ago they were struggling to stay above .500. What I will take from this year is the Rockies' streak to the World Series. Let me give you a few facts (courtesy of ESPN.com)
They've won 21 of its last 22 games.
They were only four games over .500 on Sept. 15, two weeks before the season ended and the playoffs began.
They were six games out of the wild-card race in September.
They were 4.5 games back with only nine games left to play.
They were two games behind with only two games to play.
After they had won their last game the Padres were only 1 strike away from clinching the wild-card in their final game thus disqualifying the Rockies.
They were two runs behind in the 13th inning of the mini-playoff game against the Padres.
And yet, here they are, ready for their first World Series with a group of players that have been relatively unknown till this streak. Who the heck is Todd Helton, Josh Fogg, Matt Holliday, or Seth Smith? And it is these relatively unknown players that have now become MVP's and heroes.
Why am I so fascinated with this team and this story? I love the underdog, there's no way around that but that's not the whole story. The Rockies also remind me a bit of the MN Twins last year who took the AL Central division crown the very last game of the season to cap off an incredible come-from-behind-run only to lose it in the playoffs. But there's something more to this. Through this whole story, even before the first game of the World Series will even be played and whether they win or lose (I'm hoping that they win), they have accomplished the impossible. And they have accomplished the impossible not with big names and big salaries but with a heckuva lot of determination and heart. How do you not love that? I like to believe in miracles and I think this qualifies as a sporting miracle. So, Go Rockies!!!
They've won 21 of its last 22 games.
They were only four games over .500 on Sept. 15, two weeks before the season ended and the playoffs began.
They were six games out of the wild-card race in September.
They were 4.5 games back with only nine games left to play.
They were two games behind with only two games to play.
After they had won their last game the Padres were only 1 strike away from clinching the wild-card in their final game thus disqualifying the Rockies.
They were two runs behind in the 13th inning of the mini-playoff game against the Padres.
And yet, here they are, ready for their first World Series with a group of players that have been relatively unknown till this streak. Who the heck is Todd Helton, Josh Fogg, Matt Holliday, or Seth Smith? And it is these relatively unknown players that have now become MVP's and heroes.
Why am I so fascinated with this team and this story? I love the underdog, there's no way around that but that's not the whole story. The Rockies also remind me a bit of the MN Twins last year who took the AL Central division crown the very last game of the season to cap off an incredible come-from-behind-run only to lose it in the playoffs. But there's something more to this. Through this whole story, even before the first game of the World Series will even be played and whether they win or lose (I'm hoping that they win), they have accomplished the impossible. And they have accomplished the impossible not with big names and big salaries but with a heckuva lot of determination and heart. How do you not love that? I like to believe in miracles and I think this qualifies as a sporting miracle. So, Go Rockies!!!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Midterms
Seriously, how is this semester almost halfway over already? Needless to say, I'm a bit swamped right now, hence the lack of posting. Here are a couple quick thoughts.
-Trying to remember how to write papers and especially also the lines of exegesis = not fun (and for those of you who don't know what exegesis means, neither do I really. I just kind of make stuff up and talk about a Biblical text and what it might mean)
-Why do midterms have to coincide with the MLB playoffs? I feel that this is just cruel, especially when I really want to stay up and watch the Rockies attempt a sweep tonight.
Alright, I'm done complaining. Now off to bed! I promise I'll post something more substantial after I finish my Job project/paper or when I desperately need a distraction from said project/paper.
-Trying to remember how to write papers and especially also the lines of exegesis = not fun (and for those of you who don't know what exegesis means, neither do I really. I just kind of make stuff up and talk about a Biblical text and what it might mean)
-Why do midterms have to coincide with the MLB playoffs? I feel that this is just cruel, especially when I really want to stay up and watch the Rockies attempt a sweep tonight.
Alright, I'm done complaining. Now off to bed! I promise I'll post something more substantial after I finish my Job project/paper or when I desperately need a distraction from said project/paper.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Only Connect
Sorry for the lack of posting for the past week. It's been a challenge to blog this week for me. The funny thing is it's not about not having things to write about and big topics on my mind. Instead, this week has suddenly thrown so much in face that touches on my past and on my unforeseen future. That and everything that's happened is highly personal and doesn't seem proper to put on a blog. Instead, these are things that I will ponder in my heart for years to come.
But, in the midst of this I feel like I've touched on the bigger picture. I've been reminded of how the most unexpected people can become some of your best friends. I've seen that taking life one week at a time isn't really an option for me anymore, I need to look at the big picture. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm giving the system the proverbial finger and it feels really good! I've seen with old friends how some things never change and how they change so quickly you wonder how things became so different in such a short time. I've been reminded that the pain of loss never really goes away because there are always those around you experiencing the same thing you did years ago. One of my old mentors has now started treating me as a colleague which is exciting and scary at the same time. When did I grow up? I've jumped in to new and old friendships and relationships painfully aware that my time in this community has an expiration date that will come faster than any of us can anticipate.
In the midst of this I'm reminded how important these relationships are and how I'm not meant to go through this alone. I watched an episode of one of my favorite shows last night, Joan of Arcadia, called "Only Connect." It's about keeping communication lines open with those around us that we love. I'm reminded of this more than ever now. It's so easy to lose touch, to not make that extra effort to keep in touch and keep communication open. I'm being reminded constantly that the only way I'm going to make it through this week, this semester, this year, and the years to come is if I keep talking to people, if I keep communicating, if I keep connecting. It can be a lonely journey and I know I need all the help I can get.
But, in the midst of this I feel like I've touched on the bigger picture. I've been reminded of how the most unexpected people can become some of your best friends. I've seen that taking life one week at a time isn't really an option for me anymore, I need to look at the big picture. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm giving the system the proverbial finger and it feels really good! I've seen with old friends how some things never change and how they change so quickly you wonder how things became so different in such a short time. I've been reminded that the pain of loss never really goes away because there are always those around you experiencing the same thing you did years ago. One of my old mentors has now started treating me as a colleague which is exciting and scary at the same time. When did I grow up? I've jumped in to new and old friendships and relationships painfully aware that my time in this community has an expiration date that will come faster than any of us can anticipate.
In the midst of this I'm reminded how important these relationships are and how I'm not meant to go through this alone. I watched an episode of one of my favorite shows last night, Joan of Arcadia, called "Only Connect." It's about keeping communication lines open with those around us that we love. I'm reminded of this more than ever now. It's so easy to lose touch, to not make that extra effort to keep in touch and keep communication open. I'm being reminded constantly that the only way I'm going to make it through this week, this semester, this year, and the years to come is if I keep talking to people, if I keep communicating, if I keep connecting. It can be a lonely journey and I know I need all the help I can get.
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