Merry (belated) Christmas!

Alright, I don't know if it's kosher to do that but I figure why not. It's like saying Happy belated Birthday to Jesus. And trust me, I definitely did my fair share to say Happy Birthday to Jesus... :)

Sunday was quite the day! The church looked wonderful for the evening services. 4:30 came and off we went! There's four pastor-types at the church so we split the six services between us. I was in charge of liturgy (multiple readings, prayers, readings, lighting of the candles, leading the nicene creed, benediction, etc.) for 5:30, 7:30, and 10:30 which meant I got to help lead both the contemporary services and final traditional service. It also meant I was flying solo, minus the sermon and communion. And it was amazing and jam packed (2100 worshippers throughout the night)! There were a few kinks along the way such as long gaps of silence while I waited for the offering plates, walked them to the front, and then had to get up to the podium to say the prayers, and that people didn't say "amen" after the benediction (The Lord bless you and keep you...) which was a bit unnerving.

But it was all worth it when we got to the end, the house lights were dimmed and I lit my small candle from the Christ candle at the center of the advent wreathe, passed on the flame to the ushers, and watched as the rest of the auditorium was slowly filled with candlelight. And this is all of course while we're singing Silent Night. Now, I've been partaking in this ritual for years at my home congregation and it has always moved me. But this year it moved me for entirely different reasons. There's something special about lighting your candle directly from the Christ candle and then being able to watch how that light spreads, as a direct result of your action. It reminded me of why I was up there in the first place, of my call to spread the light of the Gospel through my job, my friendships, my random encounters, through everything that I do. And for once, I could see in a very tangible way what happens when we spread the light of Christ.

I was also reminded of my home, thousands of miles away. I thought about how my home congregation was doing the same thing as us. I thought about how the people I met at Bethlehem when I traveled there this past year were also celebrating Christ's birth in a similar fashion. I thought about my friends who are doing their internships all over the country and were leading similar Christmas Eve services. I thought about my friends that are doing mission work in foreign countries and were preaching on the same texts as my pastor. I thought about the familiar hymns that I love, Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful, and Angels We Have Heard On High being sung in unfamiliar languages. And with all of that going through my head, I felt more connected to the body of believers than ever as I stood up on that stage by myself, looked out at the sea of worshippers, clutched my candle, and sang the harmony to Silent Night as loud as possible. It was a great Christmas!

Christmas Eve In Charlotte

Forecast for Christmas Eve in Charlotte, NC = warm and partly sunny with the highs in the mid-sixties. It's currently 62 outside. However, come Christmas Day expect lots of rain. Also in the forecast, six Christmas services with lots of candles, caroling, and hopefully very little chaos.

It's funny, I've known I was going to be out here for Christmas since internship started. So I've prepped myself for being away from the usual family and friends and have been handling it well enough. What's really thrown me off is the weather. Granted, MN hasn't always had the Christmas weather ever since global warming has taken over but I always feel it shouldn't be any warmer than 40 degrees around Christmas and there should always be cold enough that there is at least a small possibility of snow. So here I am, in the south where it's warm and sunny and it honestly freaks me out. People are wearing their holiday sweaters and turtlenecks to church and I want to yell at them and say, it's not cold enough for you to be wearing those! I'm wearing my suit for tonight and I have a feeling I'm going to roast.

Anyway, all jokes aside. Right now I'm getting ready for the services. I should be napping but I think the adrenaline has already started. Christmas Eve, this is one of the big ones and I am hoping and praying that people's hearts will be open to hear the Gospel, to hear what God has done for them. And it's really hit me this year, as I have friends all over the country and the world that are preparing to celebrate our savior Jesus' birth, that we really are all united. That we are all going forth with the good tidings of comfort and joy. May this peace, love, and joy be contangious and may we spread the Good News as the shepherds did so many years ago.

The Big Push

It's funny. I'm very aware that it's finals time back home in MN. My little sis just finished hers at my alma mater, Gustavus and my friends back at Luther Seminary are turning in the last of their papers in order to attain freedom.

And here I am, in Charlotte, at my job and it feels like it's finals week here too. To give you a snapshot of all that's going on this Sunday we have two Advent IV services in the morning, then a few hour break and then six Christmas services at night! Whew! And right now our entire pastoral staff, myself included, are all writing sermons. Scott is writing for the Christmas Eve service, Troy is writing for Advent IV, Jon is writing for one of the Christmas Eve services (the last one so Scott doesn't completely shoot his voice), and I'm writing for New Year's Eve because I need to have it into the media guy before the end of the day so he can put together the service so he can go on vacation.

So, having all of of the pastoral staff sermonzing at the same time adds a bit of stress to the office. But I think we're almost all there??? Anyway, back to the sermon!

Getting From Point A to Point B

"So, how did you end up in Charlotte?" That's a question I've been getting a lot lately. And I've answered it in my usual way, explaining about the internship process, about applying, interviewing, putting down preferences, and then being matched up. It makes sense and that explanation sounds good and looks good on paper. But tonight is one of those nights where I feel like it's not that simple. Where I sit back for a minute, take stock of all that has happened within the night, the week, the four months that I've been here, my two years at seminary, and going all the way back through childhood I realize that, even though I can trace my steps quite well, I'm still not quite sure how I ended up here.

Today and this week especially is one of those times where I can feel that I'm a part of something much grander than myself, that what's going on in my life is a part of something so much larger than what decisions I make. And this isn't to say I'm anything special or what not. It's just that I know that I'm not in control of this; this call to ministry and where God is ultimately going to lead me in the next couple of years. And I also see that explaining how I ended up in Charlotte really isn't as simple as my two minute answer. There's so much more going on, some of which I can see and know and so much more that I have no clue about.

So, the new answer to the question: "How did you end up in Charlotte?" I think by the grace of God sums it up quite nicely. If you want more details, fine. But I think I need the boiled down answer tonight. God is who's in control, God's the one in charge of this whole deal, God's got the map, and God is the one leading me to exactly where He needs me to be.

Christmas Is All Around

For those of you who don't know, Love Actually is one of my favorite movies, especially around this time of year. It's a Christmas themed romatic comedy that has a story line for everyone. The other night a couple of friends and I gathered to watch the movie and I swear, it gets me every time. *Tear*

The premise of the movie is that "love actually is all around." It's sweet and may sound a bit cheesy but that's something that's been on my heart lately. Christmas is a time for to share with people you love. And this year, I find myself far away from the familiar "loves" in my life: my family, my friends, my classmates, etc. And that means I have been learning to love long distance. And like all types of love, all of them take work. It means extra phone calls, emails, letters, and little things to keep in touch and let people know that I still care for them even though I can't be with them. And like all long distance relationships, it can be hard sometimes. But you make it work because these relationships are important.

And as I have settled into my new home in Charlotte, I have found that love is all around me here too. I may not have the familiar and comfortable relationships I have had for years back in MN, but I have new friends, family, and community. I have a new family through the church staff that I spend most of my week with. I have new friends through the small group that I help lead of young adults. I have a community through the church that loves and cares for me and works to build me up and help me discover who I am as a pastor.

This season, Advent and Christmas, is really all about love. It all comes down to a God that loved us enough to send his Son, as the ultimate present for us. It's about a God, who loved us first and because of that, we can love and find love in each other. And this Christmas season, I am grateful that love is all around; for the love that is in the families at church that welcome me as one of their own; for the love that is in the friends who allow me to be both their pastor and their friend and confidant; for the love that is in a church that allows me to learn, grow, shine, and screw up; and for the love that is in the friends and family that carried me here through prayer and that still continues to lift me today. Take a look around this season and I'm sure you can find a bit of love in your life as well.

A Christmas Story: Jesus in the Shopping Mall

I read this on the Charlotte Observer website the other day. I thought it was worth passing on.

I want to tell you a story of the Christmas season, but it needs a preface. So first, a few words about religion and me.

I don't see angels in the clouds or hear God speaking in the ocean's roar or the gurgle of the Mr. Coffee machine. I claim no special religious understanding or theological insight. Some see themselves as instruments of God's indignation about modern life, and devote a good deal of time to separating sheep from goats. I see myself simply as a beneficiary of God's grace.

I grew up with the certainties of the fundamentalist Baptist faith. As my list of questions grew to rival my list of answers, I experienced my share of internal tensions between belief and doubt. I am comforted by the knowledge that others also engage in that struggle.

In my younger days I focused on the uncertainties. As I age, I find myself more comfortable with the mystery, and I find in myself an inclination simply to trust.

I bring this up, as I said, because I want to tell you a Christmas story.

Last year in the weeks before Christmas I was attending an editors meeting in Miami.

I had forgotten how warm Miami can be in December, and had packed only long-sleeved shirts.

The downtown hotel where we met is connected to a shopping mall, so I strolled over the first evening to buy cooler clothing.

I went into J.C. Penney. The menswear area opened directly onto the large hallway near the escalators. As I looked at shirts I could feel the throng of shoppers bustling nearby.

A stranger's question

I looked up to see a young man emerge from the crowd and zero in on me. I sensed he intended to ask for something. I braced myself for his pitch. But his question took me by surprise:"Do you believe in Jesus?"

I looked him over. He was a thin, pleasant-looking man in his mid-30s, but his hair was tousled and he needed a shave. He had on a rumpled shirt, worn jeans and loafers with no socks.

And he had large sores, visible on his arms and neck, the telltale lesions -- Kaposi's sarcoma, I'm told they are called -- associated with AIDS.

"Why do you ask?" I said.

He told me this story.

He had come to Miami years ago from a nearby town. When he was diagnosed with HIV, his family told him not to come home. Over time his condition had developed into AIDS.

A few days earlier, he said, his family had called. For some reason they had a change of heart. They invited him home for Christmas.

He couldn't tell them, he said, that he was broke. He needed money for bus fare. Ten dollars would get him home for Christmas.

I'm in a Wednesday morning Bible study class at Myers Park Baptist Church. Not long before my Miami trip we had discussed the passage in Matthew where Jesus speaks to those who are to inherit the kingdom and reminds them of how they had helped him when he was down and out.

They ask, when did we do this? He responds, in the compelling language of the King James Version, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.''

The challenge of faith

There's a problem with knowing these Bible stories: They keep calling you to account. This one is particularly troubling for prosperous people who usually manage to ignore the poverty around us.

People like me.

In my pocket I had a $20 bill that I intended to spend on a shirt. I didn't know whether to believe him. It didn't matter. He obviously needed the money more than I did.

I handed him the twenty.

"Here," I said. "Merry Christmas."

He was surprised. Apparently he hadn't expected it to be so easy.

He took the money and looked straight into my eyes.

"Thank you," he said, and it was as heartfelt a thanks as I have ever received. Then he put the money in his pocket and walked away.

Just before he melded into the crowd, he turned and raised his hand in a farewell salute. And he said, "I think you are Jesus."

I was stunned. Before I could respond, he vanished into the crowd of shoppers.

What I would have said to him was this: "I thought you were Jesus."

Merry Christmas.

Written by Ed Williams
Originally published December 21, 1997

New Runners High = 25.9

A lot of numbers are pretty infamous in the running world. 26.2, 13.1, 5k (3.1), 10k, 10 mile, etc. However, on Saturday morning I found myself parked at 25.9, the last 0.3 mile of the marathon. I had decided on Friday not to run the half which was the smartest decision I could have made. I went to the Runner's Expo to see if there was any cool free stuff (there wasn't much) and let the people know I wouldn't be running. As I went through the line and picked up my packet only to turn the champion chip back in, I asked them on a whim whether they needed any more course volunteers. And it turns out they needed someone to help direct traffic near the end of the course. And I was told I probably wouldn't have to do much anyway because there would be another volunteer and a cop right up the street from us so I could spend most of my time cheering on the runners.

So, at 8 a.m. Saturday morning I parked myself right near mile 26 in Uptown Charlotte to cheer on the 5k runners and the marathoners. It was a brisk 20 degrees out and I was glad MN taught me how to dress for this type of occasion. And I spent the next 6 hours cheering on runners of all shapes, sizes, ages, and backgrounds. There's nothing quite like this. I've been there, I've been on that last stretch where you think the 26 mile marker will never appear and your legs and/or your lungs are about to give out. I took great joy in telling the runners that this was the last quarter of a mile and the finish could be seen from the top of the hill (and let me say, I don't know who designed the course but having an uphill finish is just mean!). I cheered on everyone I could. My hands were dry and cracked from the cold and clapping continuously. I was slightly worried about my voice and the fact that I'd have to sing in church the next day. But how could I not cheer, hoot, holler, and applaud these people that had put in so much effort, time, dedication, time, and blood, sweat, and tears for one run on a Saturday morning.

Some thanked me. Others grunted. Some didn't even look on and just gritted their teeth in determination. Others smiled. It didn't matter. I just kept on cheering, encouraging people by their race number (Good job 1024!), and doing what I could to let them know that someone understood and admired what it was that they were doing.

After a full day of watching ordinary do something incredible, how could you not be on some sort of high? Finishing an marathon is an incredible testament to the human will, strength, and courage. And being able to watch 1000 or so people finish one, perhaps their first, perhaps their last, well, it's hard not to be inspired.

Nagging Injuries

I am signed up for a half-marathon this weekend. I've already put the money down, have it written in pen in the calendar, and have been planning on it since I've gotten here. However, I am very prone to rolling my ankle, the left one and have sprained it more times than I care to admit. And it just so happens that I ended up taking a bad step while running on an unpaved trail and down I went. And it just hasn't healed as fast as normal. I don't know if it's because I still feel like I have to be presentable at work and unfortunately that means I have to wear heals on certain days or if it's because this injury is different. But either way, it's put my run this weekend in question. And I'm pretty sure, unless it is 100% by tomorrow, I will instead be at the 21 mile marker of the marathon (where runners hit the wall, the last miles are just brutal) cheering on the other runners.

The hardest part about this is I don't know when it will be 100% again and I really want to run because I absolutely love it. If it doesn't heal soon I might have to go to the doctor and take up something else for the time being. I certainly can't eat the same way right now as I would if I were running. This injury means changing something and trying something new. Maybe I'll finally join the Y and try swimming, as scary of a thought as that may be. But I have to do something and I have to start somewhere. I just keep reminded myself that not too long ago, I had just started running and training and the awkwardness of being a beginner goes away quickly.

And I started thinking of other nagging injuries I have in my life. They may not be manifested physically but I know I have them and we all have them. Being hurt by someone you trusted. Regret over a bad decision you made. Either not being there for a friend or not having a friend be there for you. We all have them. Wounds that just won't seem to heal. And I know I'm very guilty of letting these things be, thinking they'll just heal on their own, and not seeking help form others. It's my independent-to-a-fault characteristic that can serve me well sometimes and other times bring me to my knees. So maybe it's time for me to look at my wounds again and reevaluate. Maybe it means I just need to stop whatever it is that I'm doing and try something new. Or maybe it means I need to seek outside help. Or maybe it means that I'm simply not meant to do it and simply be on the sidelines, cheering others on. I don't know, each wound will have a different remedy. And as hard as it may be, you have to start somewhere.

But I do have no doubt of one remedy that is always helpful, kind of like getting the proper amount of rest. It's turning to God. It is through him that we have the ultimate promise of healing for our bodies, for our minds, for our hearts, and our souls. It is only through God that I'll be able to make peace with my injury, both my ankle and my own hurts that lie deep inside me and find true and complete healing. Now it's just a matter of having the proper amount of patience and not ripping off the bandaid too early.

Accidental Phone Calls?

This is an addition to my earlier post. And yes, I'm still a bit jacked up on caffeine (I usually never drink it).

The funniest thing that happened to me today has to do with my cell phone. I have voice command on the phone which I never use. However, sometimes I accidentally activate it but I usually just let it time out and then it goes back to normal. I did it today while at the coffee shop and just let it sit, assuming it will time out per usual. Of course, this didn't happen and it picked up part of the conversation of the pastoral staff and started calling my friend Jon, who is on internship in Texas. So I look down at my phone and see that it's calling my friend! I panic, hang up the call, and get on with the conversation at the table. Well, of course, his caller ID shows that I called so later today I get a call back from my friend and I have explain to him that I accidentally called him. However, this was also a blessing! We got to chat and catch up about our internships and as we ended the call, we joked that we should call each other "accidentally" more often. :) So, it turned out to be a wonderful addition to my crazy day and made me realize I always have time to accidentally call or talk to a friend.

Busy Day!

Right now I'm stalled out so I'm going to blog while I wait for my computer to download some virus protection stuff. Also, I'm very highly caffeinated which doesn't happen often so I'm in rare form. WEEEE!!! :)

Tomorrow I'm teaching a class on Kwanzaa. Originally I was supposed to have a speaker come in. However, she accidentally double booked herself so I get to teach the whole thing. So tonight I'm going in to talk to her about some of the traditions and get a few of the details straight because there are some discrepancies in my sources. It's been fun to learn about since I knew very little getting into it which is one of the main reasons I volunteered to teach it. So we'll see how it goes. Probably the most difficult part of it will be trying to pronounce some of the words (Kujichagulia anyone???). I'll probably blog a bit more on this after I teach the class. For now, I just want to make sure I've got all my facts straight.

Today the pastors did a bit of planning for the upcoming sermon series. After Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, and the Baptism of Jesus we will be starting a series on the prophets and I get to preach on Hosea. I'm really excited! It's heavy and controversial stuff and it'll be challenging but I'm looking forward to it. Then for the Wednesday series we will be doing "A Walk with Jesus." We're still extrapolating the meaning and it could go a number of different ways (famous walks Jesus went on i.e. Palm Sunday, to the Garden of Gethsemane, via dolorosa is what I originally pictured when I looked at this) and then the Sunday sermon series will be on Providence/Predestination. I'm actually really excited for all of this and I think it will be some good stuff.

While we were at the coffee shop I actually saw someone studying Hebrew! There is the Reformed Theological Seminary in town so I couldn't help but say hi and wish him luck. It's just one of those things. About 90% of the time, someone studying Hebrew will be connected with seminary or religion and I'm always happy to make that connection.

And now I'm off to the library. The busyness continues!!!

Looking for a Miracle

The other week I got an email from a good friend that had some bad news. It looked like her mother's cancer was back after almost a year of remission. Scary stuff! So I did what I could being 20 hours away. I passed the news onto friends here in NC and all my friends that are interns across the country and requested prayers.

And then last week, right before Thanksgiving we got the results from her biopsy. It was clear! There was only a 10% chance of this happening to put it all into perspective. This is great news of course and I added to the list of the many things I have to be thankful for this season.

And this past week the idea of miracles is at the forefront of my mind. Now this may have a little something to do with my current reading on the 1980 US Men's Hockey Team's Miracle on Ice. However, I'm starting to see for myself that miracles aren't just one time games or events. I believe miracles can and do happen instaneously. But I also think they manifest themselves in processes that may take time or may not be what we expect.

I came face to face with this idea as I did my visits this week. Her battle with cancer has been ongoing and at times, there were predictions at the beginning of the fall she wouldn't last through the holidays. Now it's already past Thanksgiving and they're optimistic that she will be around through the New Year. Of course, this could all turn on a dime. But is it a miracle that all these doctors and nurses were able to sustain her through now? Most certainly! And is her making it through Thanksgiving a miracle? I would wager a yes. Though we may not have the miraculous disappearance of the cancer that we all hope and pray for, we have already seen miracles along the way.

As we continue to question why God isn't doing more on Earth and what happened to all the miracles I challenge people to look at this differently. Miracles still happen in a big way, I have no doubt about this. I am witness to this through my friend's mother. But I also think miracles are a lot more subtle. Chemo prolonging someone's life. Surgery to remove tumors. Vaccines for diseases that used to be fatal. Prayers being answered through modern medicine. Being able to be with a loved one anywhere within the country in less than a day because of cars and airplanes. I think these are all things we take for granted so easily and we are wary of calling miracles because we feel it will cheapen the idea. But I think we can never cheapen the hope that comes with even the smallest of miracles. Maybe we aren't looking hard enough. Or maybe we're looking in the wrong places. Or maybe we're just sitting on our laurels waiting for it happen while not taking advantage of all the "modern miracles." And maybe some of it is up to us. Be the miracle. Believe in miracles. Don't be afraid to look for miracles or pray for miracles. God just may surprise us in a way we weren't expecting.

For your entertainment, here are my guilty pleasures for the week:

-Justin Timberlake - My Love is just so darn catchy!
-Serendipity, Legally Blonde, and Bring It On and other cheesy movies that I somehow always end up watching while they're on TV
-Running a 10K when I probably shouldn't because my ankle is only about 75%
-A good pint of Guiness
-Catching up on seasons 1 and 2 of Grey's Anatomy
-Reading my friends' blogs while I'm at the office
-Playing with my friend's new cat
-Brainstorming for my winter class - Theology and Pop Culture

Ordinary People

This Thanksgiving I decided to try something new and signed up for a Turkey Trot 10K about a half an hour outside of Charlotte. Running has become one of my things since I've started seminary and I was looking forward to running my first 10K and working up a good apetite before the usual massive turkey feast. I've been running "races" for about two years now and have run with some large fields including around 10,000 at the Twin Cities Marathon. Even the smaller 5K's I've run have had close to a thousand with the smallest probably being the Holla Run which I'm pretty sure still had 400 people. Therefore I was surprised to find out there were about 40 people running this 10K. And the thing is, I'm not necessarily "fast." So as I was sizing up the field I realize there was a chance I could be the last runner to cross the line. It was a bit humbling.

The whistle blew and off we went. The field thinned out pretty quickly and I got locked into my 9-10 minute pace. Surprisingly, I found that there was another woman, probably in her mid 40's that was running at the same pace as me. We realized this and paced each other for about the first two miles not really saying anything but sharing the understanding that we were both grateful to have the extra motivation that running with a partner will give. At about the 2 mile marker we started chatting about the race and how we were feeling and thanking each other for the pace partner. Naturally we started talking about running. It turns out that she's training for her first marathon in Kiowo, SC in December. We start sharing training stories and I tell her what I can about my experience and give her what encouragement I can. Then the conversation progresses to what got us into running. It turns out she was doing Team in Training and was running to benefit an 11 year old girl in her congregation who was just diagnosed with leukemia. And she herself had just overcome a battle with lymphoma cancer. We continued talking to about mile 5 where I took up a faster pace and promised her I'd meet her at the finish in a mile. I finished right around an hour which was my goal and met her at the line. I gave her a hug, and thanked her for her company and inspiration.

I have found myself humbled and inspired by people's generosity, love, perseverance, and determination this past week. And these are your everyday people. Ones that you may just pass by on the street. And yet, God is doing extraordinary things through them. I saw this in the woman I ran with who was doing all this training for someone else. I heard this in the story of the single mother who raised her girl keeping her steadfast faith and instilling it in her daughter as well. I heard this in the stories of people overcoming addictions with the help of their faith. I read this in the blogs of my friends that are poignant and real and challenging. And I see it when the prayers of ordinary people are heard and answered in a big way. God is up to something and I'm blessed to be a witness to it.

Doubt, Reason, and Providence

Today started out as one of those days. I'm preaching tomorrow and I had finished writing the sermon yesterday. And yet, for some reason, this one wasn't sitting as well with me as previous sermons I've done. And I had no idea why. Textbookwise I had my law, moved to Gospel, had the obligatory Lutheran "for you," and it moved to mission at the end. But for some reason I just spent most of yesterday and today plagued with doubt. And it's frustrating because this is not normally something I've dealt with. I know that ultimately it's not about what I'm saying but it's about what God is saying through me. It's all about what God's doing. And for some reason, even though I know and believe this, it wasn't sinking in.

I had my supervising pastor read it and he gave it the okay. I practiced it and felt better. And I prayed. And I knew that's all I could do for now.

So instead of spending the night indoors going over the sermon constantly I went out to play trivia at Ri-ra's per usual. Truth be told, I almost didn't go out because of the stress of the sermon, my family coming to town (not the stress of the family, I can't wait to see them, just the stress of trying to reconfigure my life in the midst of prepping to preach), and the lack of sleep lately. But I figured, why not. I've been going since early September and it's a good time. It's usually my friend Mark and I and other people from our group. We never win but we always have fun. So it was us and one of our other friends from small group, Jennifer. In the middle of the first round one of the tables near us starts asking us for answers and they are also sharing with a man at the bar. So somehow, through all this conversation we all join together so there are six of us. And we go 9/10 which is enough to get us free beer after a tie-breaker two rounds later. So we finally won!!!

But the part that surprised me the most is the conversations that started. There's always at least one religion question which I get to nail because of the future pastor thing. So, when the religion question came up I got identified as the pastor. And that's where it all shifted. When people find this out it can often go in totally opposite directions. Either they shut down or they start asking questions that normally wouldn't be brought up in normal conversation. And the latter is what happened. The conversation started with a theology question and quickly turned into a discussion. And somehow we moved from theology and sin to addiction. And then it progressed to trials and faith. And this is all in the midst of trying to play trivia.

And the thing is, for once, I could actualy trace it all back and connect it and put all the pieces together. I could see exactly how God had led us to certain points. I could see that we would have probably not ended up where we did if the topic of my profession had not come up. And it opened the door for two of the people we met, who had also just met, to find out they shared a similar story and I think were really able to connect. And I got to hear the details of the inspiring story of one of the other new people.

I started out this night wondering where God was in the midst of me trying to write this sermon and doubting that he was working and speaking through me. And at the end of the night I have been shown how he is able to put us in the exact place we need to be. I really hate the cliche that everything happens for a reason. But tonight, for once, I saw this very clearly in my life. I saw God using me, using my friends, and using these complete strangers, to share the Gospel with each other, to inspire one another, and to be a friend and a confidant. I left the pub having no doubt that God is working in my life and the lives of complete strangers to give hope and faith in a time when we need it the most.

Time?

I''ve spent part of this past week trying to figure out where the time has gone. I've been here three months. My three month review is being turned in this week. I've already started planning on when I'm doing my six month review with my committee. My family is coming on Wednesday. I'm preaching on Wednesday. A random email conversation I started a month ago has turned into a great, unexpected friendship including being adopted into a new group of friends. I'm already planning on when I need to come home in January/February to get my license renewed. So needless to say, I'm not quite sure how it all happened.

And I guess I'm not surprised. I knew this year was going to fly. But it makes me sad. I don't know this for sure but I pretty sure that I'm not going to be ready to leave in 9 months. I know I will need to go back and take the classes, put in the work, do my CPE, and everything else needed to prepare me for my first call. But I feel like a year is so short, especially at a place like this where I've made some great friends and built up a good relationship with this church. I feel like there is so much more this place to can still teach me and a year is just not going to be enough. But I guess it has to be.

I think what's made this hard is not only the fact that time has flown by but that this has been one of those weeks where I knew that this is exactly what I want and need to be doing with my life. I've felt the Holy Spirit work in my life in ways I never expected. I led a mini-healing service this past week for one of my classes. I had been a part of one I had preached at right at the very beginning here but I'll be the first to say I have no idea what I was doing. But somehow, it worked. I spoke and the words came from the Spirit, there was no other way of explaining it. And I saw prayers being answered in a very concrete way as one of the first people I visited in the hospital on what was originally a cold call (visiting someone I didn't know) being discharged. And ministry is filled with ups and downs just like any other job. So maybe the next part will be a down swing (I really hope and pray it isn't because I preach next week, gulp!) but somehow the ups always make the down part worth it.

And you know, I've been thinking of that Thessalonians verse lately, "Be joyful always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." So here's hoping and praying that in my next nine months here I have more weeks like these and also those that are the complete opposite. Each gives me a chance to grow. And I also hope that in the end I can be more thankful for what I have experienced than sad about the fact I have to leave.

I promise that I actually do "real" work at church. Anyway, two quick things that I thought were fun.

First, check out this link http://www.usatoday.com/life/music/2006-10-25-u2-churches_x.htm The Episcopal church is doing a church service using U2 music. My reaction? I think it's awesome of course!!! I remember learning at camp in the summer of 2002 that The Joshua Tree was voted the best Christian CD of all time. And, we always used a U2 song as a part of an experiential worship service that was pretty powerful. So I say, let's do it!

Second, I have business cards! I think this is awesome. Of course, I have a ton and have no idea how I'm going to use them all before I'm finished here. I feel like an adult! Sweet! :) Does that mean I have to start acting like one?

MNF

My email conversation yesterday around 4:30 in the afternoon when I'm getting ready to leave work...

Mark - What are you doing tonight?

Tasha - Making some soup and salad for dinner. Watching Heroes and Studio 60 of course. I'd drive to your place but the traffic is going to be crazy gettting there because of the game.

Mark - Would you want to go to the game?

Tasha - What?!?! Do you have tickets?!?! I would love to go!

Mark - Yes I do!

And thus is how I got tickets to the Monday Night Football game, Carolina Panthers vs. the Tampa Bay Bucaneers because, believe it or not, the Panthers play in Charlotte.

It was a great experience! I battled the traffic heading to Uptown Charlotte (really, it should be downtown but for some reason they call it uptown), met my friend Mark for dinner and a beer, and then headed to the stadium to experience our first Panthers game. And it was a great time. We had good seats. We were on the 35 yard line and row 1 in the upper section. And the slant is pretty steep so it was a great view (pictures will be forthcoming). The fans around us were great and a bit drunk. And I must say, the southern accents add a little something especially when they're yelling random sports themed exclamations at the teams.

And the game itself was a roller coaster. The first half was simply ugly. Somehow it was only 0-7 at the half. And right before the half there were three interceptions. We got one, then they got one, and then we got it back and thankfully decided to just take a knee. They finally picked up the second half and starting playing well and it was great to experience that. We were all high fiving one another and cheering and having a blast. The Steve Smith 35 yard touchdown was just pretty. The end result, Panthers 24 Bucs 10 and I was one happy camper. Good times!

Tonight I decided to throw in a movie instead of getting invested in the Bears Giants game because being on the East Coast, well, it just means I end up staying up much later than I would like watching some tv shows. So, I figured When Harry Met Sally was a good choice because it was fairly light, I've seen it enough times to not have to work too hard, and I could stop it early if need be. Plus, a couple of friends were impersonating Billy Crystal about a month ago (how time flies!) and I remembered thinking then, I really should watch this.

Anyway, one of the conversations in the movie is Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan a la Harry and Sally discussing whether men and women can be "friends." And I realized that my friends at work and I had basically had the exact same conversation earlier this year and it went the exact same path as the movie. According to the guys involved they couldn't be friends when there was attraction involved. And you know, it's funny that I remember this. I think I do because I was just so surprised. Especially as someone who has gotten used to playing the role of token female. So that's my random thought of the night. Feel free to mull over this one... :)

Derek Webb

"I’ll say the words that rattle your nerves
Words like sin and faith alone"

Last night I had the joy of meeting a friend for dinner, hearing a little bit of his story, and then meeting up with another friend to see Derek Webb, former member of Caedmon's Call in concert. It was a small venue, very intimate, and very low key. All he needed on stage was a mic, a beautiful 12-string guitar that I would love to own, and himself.

The thing I love about Derek Webb is he's not afraid to challenge people with his lyrics. This isn't your fluffy, feel good, Christian music. It's not something you put in when you want something light and easy. When listening to his music you can't help but examine your life and your beliefs. He discusses everything from our need of rules to the challenge of loving our neighbors and enemies and is very honest in saying that yeah, we are all sinners but we're also saints. So, needless to say, I've become a big fan of both the music and the message behind the music. In the midst of all of this mindless stuff on the radio, it's nice to actually be challenged for once, to hear something with some real meaning and passion behind it, and to be pushed outside of my comfort zone.

If you want to check out his stuff, go to www.freederekwebb.com

The Phone

This is the pastoral emergency phone or as my supervisor calls it, "the bat phone." Basically, if there is some sort of emergency after hours or on the weekend, I get to field the call. Let me preface this by saying that I haven't had my CPE yet because I'm a slacker. Well, it's half that and also half I had other things that I needed to get done in the summers. But, either way, it's my first time being in an on-call situation.

And it's interesting. It's difficult because you don't want to let the phone rule your life. Point in case: I have a social life and I have a few friends that are celebrating birthdays this week so I'm going out. However, I have to have the phone with me and it's actually stressful. I think for CPE it would be easier because you more or less expect a call. With this phone, it's really random. The one actual phone call I got was a wrong number. Another point in case: tomorrow I'm planning on taking a good long run. Now, I never run with a phone. I always have one in my car but I never take it on the actual run. I don't want to extra weight. In this case, I think I'm going to have to run with it. Yeah, it's not the most fun scenario.

But at the same time, it's all a question of accessibility. I want to be accessible to my congregation. And I want to be there if a need arises and be able to fulfill my role as a pastor. So I'm always torn when I have the phone. It's a stark reminder that my life isn't so private any more and that often times the needs of others will be greater than my own needs. Is that going to stop me from going on my run or going out? No, it just makes it a little bit different. So I go on with my life, check the phone constantly, look a bit like a dork (those belt attachments aren't made for women), and pray that if the need arises, that God will give the grace I need in the situation.

All Saints

Alright, I'm not trying to over-do it with religious holidays. But it struck me yesterday, November first, the day known as All Saints Day, that it had been four years ago that a good friend of mine passed away. What really hit me was that she had actually died on Halloween, the day before, and I didn't even remember on that day. And that realization brought up all sorts of questions.

What does it mean that I didn't think about it on the day? Sure, the wounds have healed well enough and I've found the peace that only comes through God. Time has passed, life has continued being a little different than it was before. And here I am at this point, where a day that four years ago rocked my world is easily passed over without even a thought. And I know the grief has passed and the mourning is for the most part done. But yet, I still wonder what it is that I'm supposed to do with days like this. I say a little prayer for all those affected by both her life and death. And I thank God for the "cloud of witnesses" that have gone before me and cheer me on.

And maybe that's why it's good that we have a day like "All Saints Day." It reminds us of the witness and all the saints that went before us. It gives us a day to remember, to rejoice, shed a tear, and whatever else we need to do in order to remember those whom we loved that are no longer with us. And then we can feel like we don't forget the ministry of those who came before us and can feel connected to them still.

Seeing Red!

Yes friends, it's Reformation week! While most of my friends get excited at the end of October because it's Halloween time, I'm the dork that gets excited because the church gets decked out in red and I get to hear about Martin Luther. Again, I'm fully aware that I'm a nerd but I don't really care! :)

And today topped off an amazing weekend! I was shown beyond a doubt that God is present and at work in this congregation in a big way! Last night we had a leadership dinner for the capital campaign that we're starting at the church. It was around 200 leaders in the church gathered and dressed up for dinner, drinks, special speakers, and a chance to be the first ones to put forward our pledges for the new sanctuary and youth space. And it was incredible! The NC bishop spoke which was very enjoyable but the kicker was a family from the congregation. This family had been through the wringer since I've gotten here. The mother found out by chance and very fortunately, that she had a fairly large brain tumor. They operated on it and the sugery was 100% successful and she is making a great recovery. And she and her husband spoke about the experience and what God had been doing in their lives through the church and it was so moving, I can't even explain it. She got up there to speak and God was speaking through her, there was no doubt. It was incredibly moving and even after I had left the event, I spent there in awe of what God is doing in the world, through the church as a whole.

And today was great, it was Lutheran, and it was perfect for a Lutheran geek like me. I love hearing the Romans verse 1:16-17: "I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith." We live by faith, we have life by faith, we are made right with God and can stand blameless before him, without the stain of sin because of what Jesus did for us on the cross. I can never hear that enough! I don't buy my way into heaven by what I can do but by what Jesus has done.

Okay, I'm finished with that for this post but I can't help myself. It's one of those weeks where I have seen and felt and experienced God in so many ways that my heart and soul are overflowing. God is at work in this world still and when I may start to doubt this, I can look back on weekends like this and find hope, faith, and love.

Mute Math!

Life is full of surprises and for that I'm grateful. I've been lucky enough in that most of the surprises in my life have been good. This was a week of fun surprises. The pictures are from a concert that I went to on a whim with my new friend. I trusted his music tastes enough to put the money down for a ticket. And after the first minute of the first song of the band, Mute Math, I told him I was totally sold. They were awesome! They have a great message behind the lyrics and the show was amazing!!! The energy was super high and I couldn't help but jump around a little, even on my semi-twisted ankle (I bit it on a trail run this past weekend). They put on a great show and heck, the lead singer plays a keytar! You can't beat that! So, even though I'm still partially deaf out of my left ear, it was totally worth it.

Next concert = Derek Webb!

"Charlotte"

There's this song out there called "Boston" by the band Augustana and I'm surprised at how easily I can tweak the lyrics of the bridge to make it fit to my life currently.

She said I think I'll go to Charlotte
I think I'll start a new life
I think I'll start it over
Where no one knows my name
I'll get out of Minnesota
I'm tired of the weather
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Charlotte
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town
To leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise
I'm tired of the sunset
I hear it's nice in the Winter
No snow might be nice
Charlotte
Where no one knows my name

Okay, so the line about the "lover" and "Spain" I couldn't really figure out anything to do with but it just reminds me that this year is a new beginning in a way for me. Granted, I do miss everyone back in MN. It was just the perfect timing for a change and refreshing to be someplace completely new and unfamiliar. I also thought it was funny that Boston and California swapped our perfectly with Charlotte and Minnesota. :)

Free Hugs?

It sounds a little bit weird at first if you haven't heard of the youtube video phenomenon. Why would you need to hand out free hugs? Are people getting that desperate? Is there even a need for this? And here's the deal, there is a great need for this today! I think we've all forgotten about the incredible healing power of touch. We've all become a bit paranoid and cynical and if we see a guy in the street holding up a "FREE HUGS" sign, a lot of us might be a bit wary and question his motives. But maybe that's a part of the problem. This lack of trust and faith in the goodness of others, even with the people we know, has disconnected us from people in general. I can't remember the exact statistic but I think it's something like 50% of all Americans don't have one person they can talk to. And another 25% only have one person they can really talk to. So, even though we may be a bit scared to admit it, most of us actually need that free hug because we can't find it anywhere else.

Check out this website and see for yourself. www.freehugs.org. There's also an article you can read: http://www.smh.com.au/news/music/free-hugs-conquer-youtube/2006/09/28/1159337257843.html

And here I am, with my overly-independent attitude being reminded that I do need others, that hugs are one of the best things in the world, that there are perfect strangers out there who genuinly care for others, and that I am never alone. Pass the word and maybe even a free hug while you're at it. *HUG*

For the record, yesterday at 7:00 a.m. in St. Paul, MN it was 30 degrees. In Charlotte at 7:00 a.m. it was 33 degrees. Not too much of a difference. There was even frost on my car (which I refused to scrape off, thank goodness for washer fluid and defrost settings)! Just thought I'd let all of you know that. :)

You Know It's Fall When...

Well, fall is a bit different here. Being down south means that the leaves turn a bit slower than up north. As in, peak season is not going to happen till November in Charlotte as opposed to now in MN. But, it's fall here. The temps are dipping into the mid-40's (which for people here is really cold). I went jacket shopping last week and this nice winter jacket that I wanted (and that was finally on sale) was all sold out because it had only dipped into the 50's last week but that's still cold ot the people here. Anyway, despite all the differences between here and MN (like the snow that many of you got in the cities these past few days), today I was reminded that it is actually fall because my favorite constellation, Orion was up tonight. :) It's good to know some things never change.

One God

So, this past Sunday I preached for my first time at Christ Lutheran for all three services. It was quite the ride and it's hard to believe it came and went so quickly. Was I nervous? Of course!!! However, it's interesting. Nerves are more of problem the days leading up to it all, when I'm running through the sermon, tweaking it, and doing my best to commit it to memory. When the day of comes, I usually start off with the obligatory butterflies but as the time comes closer, I realize there really isn't anything else I can do to prepare other than pray and just leave it up to God. It's the Holy Spirit that ultimately has to do the work. So I usually get to a point where I just have to do it. It's like before I take a big exam for school. I will freak out when I'm studying for it but I usually get to the point right before it where I just want to take the test and get it done and over with because there's nothing more I can do. So, it's kind of the same thing.

I'd write a summary but that might take up too much space and would take me awhile too. I'd suggest going to http://www.christelca.org/templates/cuschristlutheran06/details.asp?id=1380&PID=315372&Style= and listening to it for yourself. The title is "One God with a Holy Name."

One sermon down, many more to go! :)

Comebacks Part III: The End

It's hard to watch your team go from the first picture to the second (photos courtesy of espn.com). The end of the season was one heckuva ride going from being AL Central division champs to being swept in the series. All of this going down in less than a week. To go from pure elation to "what just happened here?" Well, it's not an easy transition.

And despite all that happened in the past couple of weeks, I still stand by the Twins. What a season! And I would argue it is one of the best comebacks ever by a baseball team, whether they advanced in the playoffs or not. Granted yes, I am very biased. We've all heard the stories, 12 1/2 games behind, a sub .500 record, losing key players to injury all throughout the season. And I guess I just find it inspiring that a team everyone had written off was able to come back and prove that they were a force to be reckoned with, that they weren't finished, that they were going to fight till the very last game of the season.

Another thing I love about this team is how young it is. It has potential between Morneau, Mauer, and Liriano, and everyone else, well, we're in a good place to make some waves next season. And I guess that's another thing. There's always another year, another season, another game to be played. And I feel that this time, I don't have to explain the analogies, you can figure them out!

So here's to next year! And also here's to the player that really has embodied what this team is all about this year, Brad Radke, who might not be there for the first time in 12 years! Thanks for an incredible ride and for giving me lots to blog about (and thanks to all of you for putting up with my Twins obsession!).

A Week of Firsts

This has been a big week for me and promises to be even bigger as it progresses. It has been and will be a week of first for me. And they are all good firsts or at least I hope they will be.

This past weekend I went on the first of four high school retreats that I hope I get to participate in. This one was the whitewater rafting retreat. It was my first time really getting to hang out with the youth and I loved it. They are a group of really amazing kids who really care for each other and care about God. We both played and prayed hard and sometimes even combined the two. I got to play paintball with them which was fun. I had a couple of hits and also have two very impressive bruises from direct hits on my arms. I worshipped with them. I led them in worship. I also got to go whitewater rafting for the first time! It was a rush! I loved it! And watching the kids take that experience and using it as a lesson for relying on God was a great connection. I left the weekend exhausted but yet exhilirated. Seeing young people on fire for God, there's nothing quite like it.

This week brings a different first. It's my first sermon for the big congregation, a total of 1000 people worshipping throughout all of Sunday. And to top it off, I'm the closer for the series. I'm the one who has to bring it all home. And to add to the list of firsts, I'm preaching on the First and Second Commandment. Whew! It's my first time preaching in a sermon series. The first time I get to use multi-media with the sermon. The first time I have to write worship notes to go along with a sermon.

And you know, as terrifying as it is, I'm still getting the same rush I felt on the river. Sometimes it's like that splash of cold water that takes your breath away in surprise. Sometimes it's realizing how potentially dangerous and scary this all is. Sometimes it's riding wherever the river takes you and trusting that your guide will lead you through it all. Sometimes it's running up against some pretty nasty rocks and getting a jolt. And you know what, I lived through my first rafting experience so I'm pretty sure I'll live through my first preaching experience here.

Lessons Taught and Lessons Learned

This week was a big teaching week for me. For this past Sunday I was teaching a unit on Spiritual Gifts with my young adults group and later that night teaching a session on "how to lead a Bible study." Then, on Wednesday night, I was taking over the reigns in the Alpha class and teaching on prayer. So, lesson planning galore. I'm not exactly the most creative person either so sometimes I feel like I should be doing more than simply "talking at" people. But I suppose there is a place for everything and for these lessons, college style lecture for a bulk of it would suffice.

This week also brought another valuable lesson to my attention: don't walk around outside barefoot. I was helping a friend carry some stuff to his car at my apartment and went outside without shoes on and stepped on a nail. Now the thing is I did this about 20 some years ago and you think I would have learned my lesson. But no, I had to do it again and it was off to the ER for a tetnus booster and a good cleaning. Needless to say I will not be wandering around barefoot in outside places again any time soon.

And you know, that's the things about lessons whether you're teaching them or learning them, sometimes you just have to learn things more than once. The whole get-it-pounded-into-your-head method. Though it may get annoying or seem repetitive, I think we often learn the best lessons through this. And we're all so A.D.D. these days that we need to hear things over and over again. And that's one reason why I think preaching on Sunday is so important. It's telling people the Gospel every week. And you know, for someone in seminary who hopefully hears the Gospel every day and doesn't forget about it, I still love hearing it and being reminded of what God has done for us. And maybe there is nothing wrong with learning the same lesson over and over again, especially when it's a good lesson. But here's hoping I don't have to step on any more nails anytime soon either (and the foot is doing fine by the way).

Comebacks Part II

Apparently I'm living in the wrong state to be a baseball fan. North Carolina, the home of the ultimate college basketball rivalry, Duke and UNC. People tend to give me weird looks when they realize I can talk about baseball for hours but simply fill out the March Madness brackets for fun. Plus the fact that I'm a girl adds to those weird looks. But that's besides the point.

I wrote a blog earlier in July about the MN Twins (my favorite team, hands down) and the comeback they were making. Now it's only a couple short weeks before the season is over and we're smack in the middle of the "Hunt for October" as people like to call it. And the push and the drive is still there. Our magic number is six. This is the number of Twins' wins and White Sox losses that will secure our post-season spot as the Wild Card. With 11 games left and at the pace we are going, it seems pretty plausible. And what's more, we're only 1/2 game out of the Central division behind the Tigers. So, we also have a shot at the division, something that seemed altogether impossible at before the Fourth of July.

Now, I don't want to count my chickens too early but it does seem that the Twins have staged the comeback we were all hoping and praying for and if anything, they have redeemed themselves of the dismal season start. So how about me? How is my "comeback" coming along?

I, like them, find myself in a place that was a bit unexpected considering how everything started out. To some extent, it is expected. I had good stats, I look decent on paper, and there were high expectations. And I already knew my destination, Charlotte. Now that I'm here, I find myself a part of something much larger than I had dreamed. As I step up to the plate and try and figure out what it is I need to swing at - buidling a young adults ministry, pioneering a new worship service, preaching my first "sermon series" sermon - I can't help but be a bit afraid I'm going to strike out. Was I worth all the hype I got in the minors? And I guess that's what it's all about, trying to live up to the plans God has for us knowing that he has more than enough grace for us when we fall short.

However, the batting average is good so far. The young adults small group has had a strong beginning, I finding the courage to reach out to others and extend invitations to people I've just met, my healing sermon went really well and got people excited to hear me preach on a larger level, and I'm all but adjusted to life here if you don't count the awful street system that makes it easy to get lost and hot weather.

So, have I made a comeback? I would say so but I also am nowhere near the post season yet. We'll jump that hurdle when it comes.

Weekend Fun!

It was one of those weekends that was completely random at times but so much fun! First point, you know you're a runner when you get bored watching tv in the mid-afternoon and decided to go on a 3.5 mile run... I got bored so I went on a run... Yeah, I know I'm crazy but it felt good! I did find a half marathon to run here though in December which I'm already really looking forward to and I think I even talked a couple of people into running it with me.

The rest of Friday went like this: my friend who works at Bank of America decided he wants to learn golf because it's what people in his line of work do. Therefore, he suggested we go to the driving range and hit a couple of balls. Now, I haven't been golfing for about 10 years and I was never really good at it in the first place. And he of course gets excited because he thinks I can teach him. Haha! It was the blind leading the blind. Plus, he had really old clubs that I'm pretty sure were not the right size for either of us. Surprisingly, I was actually able to put on a good show and was averaging around 150 ft with a couple 200 shots. However, I wasn't much of a help and was more there to laugh when he totally whiffed or cheer when he got off a good shot which was rare. All in all, a really good time and funny time! Who knew golf could be so amusing?

Saturday was low key although I did see a good movie, "The Last Kiss." Sunday was the kicker. I think I logged a good 11 hours at the church. But, that's part of the job. The services went really well and the former-intern-soon-to-be-pastor delivered a great sermon on sex and murder (the fifth and sixth commandments). I also had 12 people at my young adults small group Bible study. It was a great group and even better conversation. This group has definitely been a blessing for me so far and I think they are all finding some much needed community through it. So, praise God for that! Then I gave my first "sermon." The proper title is meditation and it was on healing and forgiveness for a healing service. And you know, I think it went really well. I did my best to proclaim the Gospel and then all I can do is let God do the rest. So, one down. Next step - October 8 when I preach for the first time for the big services (it will be about 1000 people total). Whew!

A Day in the Life of...

I often get asked what exactly do you do at church during the week. It's kind of a fun question because I've been learning that each day is very different and that there really is no such thing as a typical day at church.

What am I doing today? Putting off writing a sermon right now (but I'm nearly done) and trying to figure out where I should go to finish it up. I've never been good about doing work in spaces where there are a lot of distractions (I share and office and the church's office building is usually constantly bustling with activity). I already went and led a Chapel for our Children's Center for 3-5 year olds. It was quite entertaining and they're adorable and I really don't know what I'm doing. The topic for the day was Adam, Eve, and Sin. Talk about a loaded topic. I did my best though and hey, I'm new at this right?

Other things I might do during my time at the office: go over the Bible study I'm leading for the week, meetings of all sorts (worship planning, all staff, supervisor time, pastor time, me asking people random questions about what it is I'm supposed to be doing), phone calls, hospital visits, writing a curriculum for leading a Bible study, working on prayers for the coming weekends, learning to sing a new kyrie, prepping to teach a class, proof reading something for the capital campaign, and hundreds of other things that I won't list because well, this would get too long. In other words, I find little ways to keep myself busy.

But, this is my life now and I'm loving it. Don't worry, I have some of the my nights off and I find myself watching episodes of LOST and Scrubs or playing trivia at a local pub with friends from church or training for my half-marathon in December. There is no doubt that this is a balancing act but I'm finding I have good friends to help me along my way. And it has been a good week for good news among the friends whether it has been the birth of a happy, healthy baby girl, an engagement, or finding out exactly what desk they get to man at work that remind me to always be celebrating the big things and the little things in life.

One Month Down

I've been here for over a month now. I'm still in shock over this. It seems like I've come so far and yet, I still have so much more to learn. And as I sit here and try to measure how much my life has changed in this short month that's gone by all too quickly, well, I guess there's no real telling.

I do find humor in the little every day things that have changed. For one, I wear my hair down every day. For those of you who didn't see me on a regular basis, it was almost always in a bun or a ponytail. I also hardly ever wear jeans except on Fridays and Saturdays. I can usually be found in nice slacks and a button down shirt. The joys of business casual. And those are just the little things in this mix of huge changes. New city, new job, new friends, no school or classes, and the list just keeps going. And somewhere in all of this, I'm redefining myself and trying to figure out how to blend who I was with who I am becoming. Who am I as a pastor? Who am I as a student of the Christ Lutheran? Who am I as a long-distance friend? How do I be both a pastor and a friend to someone in the congregation? These are definitely things they cannot teach at seminary and I know that I'm just going to learn this as I go.

I have been finding as I have been getting more into my internship that God definitely knew what he was doing when he put me here. I am surronded by great people who are willing to teach and listen and learn from each other. Part of what I want to do here is start some programming for young adults and there has been an influx of young adult visitors who are looking to get connected. So, the timing was near perfect and now it's just up to me to keep listening to them and to God and figure out what it is I need to do in order to get this off the ground. And in the midst of all of this, I have found one thing to be true, God is good so here we go!

Kickoff Week

Well, I survived Rally Day and my first Wednesdays Together which is our Wednesday programming. Now it's Thursday and I swear it's so quiet around the office I can hear crickets... Plus, we're getting the leftovers of Ernesto so it's really rainy and well, quiet. I'm amazed at how fast things can go down here. The week leading up to all of this was crazy and I found myself doing random projects, running errands, and doing whatever I could to help and then all of it came and went and you're left thinking, that was it? I suppose that's a good thing, no major crises or anything. It's like you do the worst case scenario planning and then because of that, everything seems to go really well. So, I'm not complaining by any means. Plus, the small group Bible study that we're starting for young adults at Caribou started off really well which is a good feeling.

I think one thing that has surprised me a lot about internship so far is how much I've been praying. And something like that shouldn't surprise me. But I find myself praying over the little and the big stuff in my car, in bed, in my office, and in church and the need to pray for something or someone never seems to go away. And this is a good thing for me. I'm being reminded daily of my absolute need of and dependence on God in every little part of my life whether it is a new friendship, in preparation for a visit, forgiveness for something stupid I said, looking over sermon texts a month in advance, or thanking God for this amazing opportunity. And in the midst of all of this, I have been reminded over and over of God's faithfulness in all situations. God is good all the time!

Christ Lutheran

Here's the back entrance to my church. It comes complete with this beautiful fountain that's has water that's a bit too blue sometimes after they clean it. You can see the steeple in the front of the church.

This is the Spirit Hall where we have our contemporary worship. Obviously it's not set up for that right now. However, it's packed on Sunday mornings and quite the place to be.

This is that sanctuary where we have traditional worship. I think it's beautiful and really is classic colonial style decor. I will be preaching from the high podium on the left. Crazy!

Fighting the Good Fight

I've been here for a little over two weeks and I must say, it is hard to believe. In many ways, it feels like I've always been here. I'm getting into a routine, finding my way around the area, making some friends through church, and quickly learning what it is that I need to be doing around here. It's still all very new and fresh and exciting. However, I can also start calling this place and my church home. It's quite the mix but it keeps me on my toes while letting me relax a bit.

At church they also haven't hesitated giving me responsibility. Between Rally Sunday, starting a capital campaign, and all the crazyness that comes with fall programming kicking off again, it's been a whirlwind of action with me trying to help where I can. Plus, they aren't afraid to let me do random stuff for the service. I sang the kyrie on Sunday which was fun (for you fellow seminarians and hardcore Lutherans, it was setting one and incredibly easy) and was told 30 minutes before the service that I was supposed to do the prayers. But, I love the busyness, even though the busyness kind of misses me because I'm new and am not expected to really do as much. I've been impressed with how the staff at church work like a well oiled machine. The joys of being at a healthy large church.

The good news is that I'm actually finding that my seminary education hasn't been for nothing. I think that my middler year in general has instilled a fighting spirit in me. This could be fighting against the part of the system that seems to want to domesticate me or fighting on behalf of what I really believe about the potential of the Gospel, God, and the church. And this fight, this passion, is translated directly into my ministry. It's not just talk anymore, I finally get to put my money where my mouth is and put all this energy, put this fight, into a church that cares, that's passionate about the Gospel and delivering it to the people. So, though the year was hard and took so much out of me, I'm glad I had that conflict because I think that makes this experience, this chance to be a church so much more meaningful and there is no way I'm going to waste it if I can help it. I know I still am going to need all the grace I can get from God and the congregation but I know that with the help of God, I'm not going to sit and let this pass me by.

Some Pre-Inernship Thoughts

Yes, I'm living in Charlotte, but my internship doesn't officially start till Sunday. Hospitality is a word that comes to mind as I get settled in here in NC. The church community has been so gracious in welcoming me to Charlotte and even though I was expecting a warm welcome, I can't help but be blown away at how they have all been so giving already. I have a fully furnished apartment, I've been taken out for a meal every day since I've gotten here, and have been given so much more than I could have asked for or deserve. And I think that is God's grace at work through people. And I hope I can show them grace as well throughout my year here.

The other thing I am always amazed by is how God can work in the most surprising ways. I really do think he has a sense of humor. This past year at seminary I was the captain/manager of our soccer team and was part of the leadership team of a student led worship service. These were things I did because I loved them. They were great for building community in the seminary and it was fun to do something different. However, I never really thought they'd play a big role in my internship this year. In talks with my supervising pastor about a possible internship project, we've talked a lot about young adults ministry, working with people who are just out of college or grad school and are looking for some sort of connection at the church. And ideas that have been thrown around include a worship service such as The Way and activities such as a soccer team since apparently there are a lot of young adults interested in soccer.

Now this stuff is all in talks and again, I haven't even officially started my internship. But, I really see it as a lesson to never take anything that you do for granted. God will find a way to use whatever talents and experiences you have, as trivial as it may seem (such as being a captain of a rag-tag-seminary soccer team) and make good use of them. And maybe that is a part of ministry, being surprised that even the smallest or easiest thing might open a door to preach the Gospel and reach out to others. And in all of this I have to remember not to take anything for granted, because God is looking to use and work with all of me, the whole package, to get the Word out. And he's doing the same with everyone else.

New Residence = Charlotte!

I made it here safe and sound. After three pretty easy days of driving including my favorite part, WV (there were lots of hills, mountains, and trees) I arrived to my new life in Charlotte. Crazy! (I feel I'll be writing that a lot in the next few weeks) So, I am here, I'm alive, and I'm getting settled (I have a feeling I'll be making a trip to Target every night this week to get more stuff). I have a wonderful place and I'm itching to start work (my first official day is Sunday). I'm excited to see what God has planned for me. Peace out!

Ends, Beginnings, and Drives

Well, here I go. I'm on the cusp. I'm looking over the edge and preparing to jump. 3, 2, 1... It's all very crazy to think of where I am now. Getting ready to live outside of the midwest for the first time in my life. In a way, this is what I was made for. I love new experiences and meeting new people, hearing their stories, and learning from everything that happens from me. I have always thrived off of adventure and off of doing ministry. Change is something I've been able to handle with a surprising amount of grace. But, this of course does not make this any easier. And maybe that's how it's supposed to be. Ends always carry some mourning with them. Even though I will find myself back here in a year, it will be different. I certainly hope that I will grow and mature as an intern and change for the better. But I look forward in hope. Beginnings are always exciting, they carry so many possibilities and opportunities. When I was driving up to Alexandria I saw an exit for "Opportunity Drive." I kid you not! It seemed perfect and the friends I was visiting noticed the same sign and I think it meant the same to all of us especially since they are also traveling cross country.

God has blessed me and them with an opportunity to go out there and be a part of a ministry for a year that is outside the Luther Seminary bubble. And as much as I have enjoyed my time here, I think I am ready to go out to the larger community and world and do my best to share the Gospel because we are all in need of hearing some good news in the midst of all this war and conflict and pain. This is what God intended me to be doing this year, going to Charlotte and I know that it is an incredible opportunity. So, even as scary as it may be, I take heart knowing that this is ultimately God's plan for my life and that His love and grace will carry me through this year. Peace and God's blessings to all of you who are making similar journeys and may every "drive" be an opportunity.

Preach It Girl!

This past weekend I got the opportunity to preach at my home congregation, Zion Lutheran in Anoka, MN and it was quite a trip! First of all, I have been a member of my church since I came to America when I was a baby. I was baptized there and confirmed there and it's my home in every sense of the word. So, being asked to preach by the senior pastor was quite an honor. It's also kind of scary because I've known many of the members for years and you want to do a good job because I felt like I needed to prove it to myself and others that I could get up in front of all these people and get the job done.

It was quite the process writing this sermon and I'll be honest, it was hard. There was just a lot more pressure than usual (most of this pressure was from me, just so we're clear). Plus, preaching to around 1000 people at three different services in a large sanctuary is quite different than preaching before 8 friends and your prof in a small chapel. But, it got done, I got good feedback from a trusted friend, and went with what I had.

Sunday... It went really well! Better than I could have hoped for. I got a wonderful reception from the congregation, people gave me great feedback and seemed to really get something out of it, and I knew that the Holy Spirit was there in a big way. I was told content was good which was most important to me. I talked too fast (which is a bad habit of mine) and need to work a bit on delivery. So, it's been a great learning experience.

I did leave feeling incredibly blessed as well. To know that I have people at home praying for me as I venture out to NC, well, it makes a huge difference. And to have all that encouragement before I go out and do this "for real" in a congregation that will get to hear me preach once a week. I feel very heartened by this experience and will take it with me as one of the highlights of the summer.

p.s. I preached on Ephesians 3:14-21 and Christian identity. It's a great passage, you should look it up!

Comebacks

For those of you who don't know me well enough or at least haven't spent enough time around me during the summer and fall I am a Minnesota Twins fanatic. I have been a huge Twins fan ever since I was a kid and I love the return of baseball season, web gems, and everything in between. This season started out a bit rough. Though they won their home opener in convincing style they went on a slide that was difficult for us die hard fans to watch. I still watched the games, I still cheered them on, and cringed when we lost yet another game we should have won.

However, in the past month and a half they have crawled back from fourth place in the central division to earn a second place tie with the defending champion White Sox and be only a half a game out in the AL Wild Card chase. It's been a wild run and we've beat some of the best including the Red Sox and White Sox and now we're going to face the fierce Tigers in what I'm sure will be a great showdown.

And for those of you who don't care about baseball or the Twins or that might be wondering why I'm talking so much about baseball on a blog that's supposed to be mainly about ministry, here's my tie in. I take great heart in the fact that even though everyone had written them off as a lost cause, that people had given hope of having a good season, that even in the midst of losing some of their most solid players to injuries, they could make this huge run and comeback to where they are. It really shows that the human spirit is capable of in the midst of hardships and as I find myself in the midst of a difficult month with a lot of huge life transitions happening I like to believe that I am capable of bouncing back from whatever curveball life throws at me. And all of this I do with my #1 fan, God, who will love and support me no matter how many errors I commit, no matter how bad of a hitting slump I may in, or how many games I may throw away. Plus, I already know he's the perfect pinch hitter.

Am I in the middle of a comeback as big as the Twins? I don't know but I'll keep you updated as the season progresses. :)

Last Days, "Goodbyes," and Other Ends

Friday was my last day at Joe's Crab Shack. After two years of dancing on chairs, serving up good seafood and good service (at least I hope), and meeting some amazing people, my time there was done. And much like my life in general now, it was kind of hard to believe. Granted, it is nice to know I will have more free time to prep for internship I know I will miss all the people I've worked with. It has been the perfect escape from seminary and I am grateful for the great friends I have made there. And I think what made my last day a bit more difficult (other than the fact that it was surprisingly busy) was it was the first of the many "goodbyes" I will be saying in the next two weeks.

As a friend of mine told me months before he passed away, there are no "goodbyes," only "see you laters." I find myself leaning on that as I say "goodbye" to seminary friends who are in different classes than I. Being the small world that it is in the ELCA, I know I will most likely cross paths with many of them in the future. But just in case I don't, it is good to know that I can rely on the promises of God.

And as my time in MN comes to an end, as I start saying goodbye to people I love dearly such as my family and friends I remember that I am only gone for a year and that email, cell phones, and blogging are wonderful gifts. And as for what I am leaving all this for, the chance to be a pastor in training and to live out my call in a more real world setting, well, it's not too shabby. "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Praise God for new beginnings!

"The One"

With so many weddings and other things going on in our lives these days, this phrase seems to come up a lot. "Is he/she the one?" And this is something that has been on my mind a great deal recently in light of current events. And turns out, I hadn't found the one yet. However, as much as this discovery can break the heart, I was reminded at the Gathering this week of a completely different meaning of this phrase that carries as much importance in my life at least.

At camp we would always talk about "the one" camper that made the day/week/summer worth it. That no matter how the rest of the summer went, you would always remember that one camper that showed you that you were supposed to be at camp, at that time, to interact with that one person and that they made it all worth it. They were the reason you were there.

Quite unexpectedly, I met "the one" at the Gathering. I wasn't expecting this at all. I highly doubted I would be able to get into a deep conversation with anyone in the chaos of the Gathering, especially since I wasn't attached to a group. But never underestimate God! It was a chance encounter and I found myself talking to this high schooler about the existence of God, atheism, life, grace, and everything inbetween, all while standing at the seminary booth. Though I do not know whether I helped him find his way or answers is beside the point. What I found was the reason I want to be in ministry. I want to be challenged by people. I want to be able to have these conversations with people. And I want people to know they can come to me in times when they are doubting the existence of God even though I'm their pastor. I will be at a church to preach the Gospel and administer the sacraments but so much of what I will be doing is relational and that is what will keep me going ultimately. I will be preaching the Gospel from not just a pulpit. And I hope I can help other people find this call as well.

So, even though I was sent to the Gathering to find youth with a potential call to seminary I instead found a reminder of why I am at seminary and a new friend who will challenge me and help me grow in my faith and my call. He was "the one" that made all the difference in my life during this fast paced, hectic, God-filled week.

The Youth Are on Fire!

This past week I had the privelage to travel to the ELCA National Youth Gathering in San Antonio as a representative for Luther Seminary. I had never been to one of these before and I was blown away. Think of camp on a bigger budget and on more steroids than Barry Bonds! There were 20,000+ Lutherans in San Antonio for this event and it was quite the experience. There was no escaping the Lutherans (what a scary thought!).

I got to help run the booth for all the ELCA seminaries and got the pleasure of meeting reps from all over the country. We handed out seminary cups, coerced people into getting their picture taken behind out little people cut outs like this:
It was fun and I got to meet a lot of people and talk to high schoolers and experience the Gathering at its best.

Among my favorite parts were the mass Gatherings for Bible Study in the morning or for the big show/speaker/band at night. It was amazing to worship with 20,000 other people and high schoolers at that! The Newsboys was the highlight in worship for me. Singing "He Reigns" and "Blessed Be Your Name" with that many other people was amazing!!! It was almost enough to bring tears to me eyes (and you know, it might have, I don't quite remember). And though not all of them might have been there to learn more about God, I think and know that a lot of seeds were planted this week and the past week and here's hoping these seeds are given the opportunities to grow and maybe one of those kids we talked to will end up where I am a few years down the line.

Fun pics!

The Rings

The Happy Couple!

Dancing Queens (yes, I know that is cheesy but hey, it works!)

Fun in the Sun!

I got a bit of a breather in the middle of the month and some very special time with friends and loved ones. The weekend of the 11th two of my close friends at Seminary, Rob and Emily tied the knot. It was the perfect occassion for dancing, having fun, and celebrating the joys that God brings into our lives. The wedding and the reception perfectly reflected who they were as a couple and I had a wonderful time. It was a special honor for many of us at seminary who were able to be friends with both of them as they made the journey to the day of their wedding. God's blessings to them as they begin this amazing part of their lives.

The next weekend was another fun vacation. Aaron and I made the trip out east to the great (lakes) state of Michigan. We spent the first night camping in the upper pennisula (UP) and traveled to his hometown of Alpena to meet the family. It was a hot weekend with temps in the 90s for most of the weekend. The night we went camping it didn't get below 75 degrees and we were right off of Lake Superior. But, once we got to his home we had AC for the rest of the weekend which was a treat. It was wonderful meeting his family and it's always fun to see where someone you know well comes from and see what little things from the family have carried over into that person. It was a great time and I loved getting to know his family.

Right now I have the apartment to myself which I guess is a little preview of next year. I will be living by myself for the first time ever really. I had a room to myself when I was a CF (RA) at Gustavus but I had a section full of freshman girls and a door that was always open. Other than that, I've always had roommates. So, that's something that I'm a bit anxious about. I keep on talking myself into and our of getting a cat. However, for someone who someday wants a dog, I think I'll wait it out as much as I can. I think I'll be okay after awhile next year, it'll just take some getting used to. I know I'll just have to be very intentional about having people over and getting out. Maybe I'll get a hamster... The main issue is space. It's a huge place but I have it all to myself which will be weird and nice at the same time. It'll be a good escape which I'm sure I'll need sometimes.

THE Visit

I like to put "THE" in caps because this was a huge visit. I went to my future internship site this weekend or Sat. thru Monday which is close enough to a weekend for me to call it that. It was a bit surreal to be flying to a place I had never been before knowing that this was to become my future home for a year of my life. It was going to be something completely new and I was super excited.

And this weekend was a whirlwind of activity. I went apartment shopping and found a wonderful place to live next year. It is a two bedroom townhouse apartment with central air and two floors. It's crazy to think I'll have all this room to myself. All I have to say to all of my friends out there reading this is you better come to visit so I can feel not so guilty about having a two bedroom instead of a one (although the second bedroom will be partially my office aka, room for all my books). I saw the church and it is beautiful. I had seen pictures before but there's nothing like the real thing. I met a great deal of the staff at a pool-a-palooza which was a riot. Dude, they had a live band and played Johnny Cash. Yeah, I think this is going to be a good fit. I got to go to church of course which was wonderful although I am still afraid to preach. I met my internship committee which is composed of some of the nicest people possible. Talked a bit of worship planning. I explored, played with my host family's 3 year old, got a tour of the town, received a great amount of helpful advice, and tried to let is all sink it.

The amazing thing is that when I was there, it felt like home already. I think this was mainly because of the people being so welcoming and hospitable. However, there was something else behind all of this and I knew this is exactly where I needed to be. When I was there, I couldn't picture myself doing my internship at any other place, even the other ones I had marked down. The Internship Office got it right. They picked the perfect site and I have no doubt that God has been working through this whole process and will be working this all that is yet to come. I start August 20th which means I move into my apartment on the 15th. And I can't wait!