Doubt, Reason, and Providence

Today started out as one of those days. I'm preaching tomorrow and I had finished writing the sermon yesterday. And yet, for some reason, this one wasn't sitting as well with me as previous sermons I've done. And I had no idea why. Textbookwise I had my law, moved to Gospel, had the obligatory Lutheran "for you," and it moved to mission at the end. But for some reason I just spent most of yesterday and today plagued with doubt. And it's frustrating because this is not normally something I've dealt with. I know that ultimately it's not about what I'm saying but it's about what God is saying through me. It's all about what God's doing. And for some reason, even though I know and believe this, it wasn't sinking in.

I had my supervising pastor read it and he gave it the okay. I practiced it and felt better. And I prayed. And I knew that's all I could do for now.

So instead of spending the night indoors going over the sermon constantly I went out to play trivia at Ri-ra's per usual. Truth be told, I almost didn't go out because of the stress of the sermon, my family coming to town (not the stress of the family, I can't wait to see them, just the stress of trying to reconfigure my life in the midst of prepping to preach), and the lack of sleep lately. But I figured, why not. I've been going since early September and it's a good time. It's usually my friend Mark and I and other people from our group. We never win but we always have fun. So it was us and one of our other friends from small group, Jennifer. In the middle of the first round one of the tables near us starts asking us for answers and they are also sharing with a man at the bar. So somehow, through all this conversation we all join together so there are six of us. And we go 9/10 which is enough to get us free beer after a tie-breaker two rounds later. So we finally won!!!

But the part that surprised me the most is the conversations that started. There's always at least one religion question which I get to nail because of the future pastor thing. So, when the religion question came up I got identified as the pastor. And that's where it all shifted. When people find this out it can often go in totally opposite directions. Either they shut down or they start asking questions that normally wouldn't be brought up in normal conversation. And the latter is what happened. The conversation started with a theology question and quickly turned into a discussion. And somehow we moved from theology and sin to addiction. And then it progressed to trials and faith. And this is all in the midst of trying to play trivia.

And the thing is, for once, I could actualy trace it all back and connect it and put all the pieces together. I could see exactly how God had led us to certain points. I could see that we would have probably not ended up where we did if the topic of my profession had not come up. And it opened the door for two of the people we met, who had also just met, to find out they shared a similar story and I think were really able to connect. And I got to hear the details of the inspiring story of one of the other new people.

I started out this night wondering where God was in the midst of me trying to write this sermon and doubting that he was working and speaking through me. And at the end of the night I have been shown how he is able to put us in the exact place we need to be. I really hate the cliche that everything happens for a reason. But tonight, for once, I saw this very clearly in my life. I saw God using me, using my friends, and using these complete strangers, to share the Gospel with each other, to inspire one another, and to be a friend and a confidant. I left the pub having no doubt that God is working in my life and the lives of complete strangers to give hope and faith in a time when we need it the most.